Questions & Answers

Have a question, serious or silly? Take your best shot!

Ask a question anonymously using the form at the right. If you want to leave your name and email, ask on the contact page.

Selected Q & A
Q: “You should change your name.”
A: Lean in close… really close… I’m going to tell you a secret… Dumb Domme isn’t my real name.
Q: “What’s your favorite sexual position?”
A: Pretzel.
Q: “Shoes or boots? (Or barefoot?)”
A: Barefoot at the beach, around the house, and out in the yard or around the pool (I live in the subtropics, after all!). In situations that demand shoes, I prefer wedge sandals or open-toe heels. I have a couple of pairs of great boots, but the warm climate and sandy terrain here aren’t ideal for wearing them. Besides that, it would be a shame to hide my pretty feet inside a pair of stuffy leather boots. :)
Q: “Cat Clawed Me! What should I do?”
A: Clean the wound with lemon juice, and then apologize to the cat. Obviously, you did something to displease it.
Q: Twilight or Harry Potter?”
A: I don’t do fiction. I’m strictly a non-fiction kinda girl. But if I had to read one, I’d go Harry Potter, but only because I’d rather be a wizard than a vampire… DOMINANTATO FORGETTICUS!
MS-Change-CaseQ: “What does it mean – if anything – when a domme responds to you Like This For Several Sentences? Is this some show of dominance?”
A: This is no show of dominance, my friend. It means you’ve found yourself a True Domme. You see, the True Domme’s keyboard recognizes her natural dominating dommeliness and automatically capitalizes the first letter of every word she writes out of respect. Either that, or she writes everything in MS Word and uses the “Change Case” function. If you choose to respond, be sure to use proper bDsM cAPiTAlizATioN and use your shift key with caution… you’ve been warned…
Q: “Do you except tributes?”
A: Yes, but only in the form of Chuck E. Cheese game tokens and commemorative quarters.
Q: “What’s causing my sons excema?”
A: Manatees.
Q: Does J ever take the initiative? I don’t mean dominate, but does he ever just stop what he is doing, grab you and kiss you?”
A: You asked two different questions. Does he take initiative? Yes. He asks for what he wants. Does he ever stop what he’s doing, grab me, and kiss me? No.
Q: “How did you settle on ‘Ma’am’ as the honorific J would use to address you? Your idea, his? Any particular reasoning behind it?”
A: We never discussed “Ma’am.” At some point, he just started using it. It felt right, and it stuck.
Q: “How did you get so beautiful and wonderfully funny?”
A: Any beauty I possess requires far too much effort. :) My humor, however, is all-natural, effortless, and preservative-free. :) (Ok, it’s not totally effortless… )
Q: “Links or patties?”
A: Chops.
Q: “Something ive really puzzled about, is what are “butt plugs”? Might sound dumb, but i have no idea what or how they look like? Or used for? What’s the payoff from using them. And finally, have you or would you use them, and if yes, for what purpose DD. Thankyou”
A: You’re in luck, my anally-inquisitive friend! I’m six credits away from receiving my Masters Degree in Butt Plugs. For a general definition, description, usage, and for the answer to whether or not I use butt plugs, see “BDSM Lexicon Entry #16: Butt Plugs.” If you’re interested in a more in-depth (ha!) discussion, I’ve written about the differences between butt plugs and anal dilators. Besides that, I also own a small army of butt plugs
Q: “Could you tell me what your physical attributes are? Do you have long legs, nice ass, and what size boobs? Things like that. I would like to say that your writing is highly entertaining. I laugh out loud to some :)”
A: I have a torso, two arms, two legs, and a head. My ass is nice enough, I guess. I don’t see my ass that often because it’s always behind me. I see my breasts all the time, though, and I’m happy to report they are breast-sized.
Q: “if Im nauty will you punish me”
A: Are you asking if I’ll punish you for things like incorrect spelling? Of course I will… as long as ignoring you counts as a punishment.
Q: “Do you answer peoples questions here?”
A: Of course not! That would be silly.
Q: “cane, switch, or paddle?”
A: Pepper spray.
Q: “I haven’t met you, and this is crazy, but I think I love you, so peg me maybe?”
A: You just won the internets! I officially award you Platinum Dragon commenter status for knowledge/mockery of pop culture, creativity, and bonus points for making me laugh! Unfortunately, the answer is “no.” I haven’t met you, and you are crazy, while I like your comment, I wont peg you maybe.
Q: “Just thinking about your posts is making me moist. I would be eternally grateful if you wrote one aimed at me. It would make my day, night, year, life.”
A: While I’d love to make your life, I don’t write tailored wank-fodder for readers. Also, I have no idea who you are… you didn’t leave your name. Wait… wait… I probably don’t want to know… right? I’m guessing you also want me to peg you, maybe.
Q: “why does the underneath of the tongue hurt when you eat pussy”
A: Obviously, your girl is upside down. Flip her over and your tongue will feel much better. You’re welcome.
Q: “I feel sure I will learn much about Mistress and perhaps you might expand on your techniques for training?”
A: I’m not your fucking Mistress. But sure, let me expound on my techniques–I’ll just write up some personalized wank fodder for you and I’ll send it out as soon as I’m done. Just promise me that you’ll hold your breath until it arrives, okay?
Q: “I was wondering if Mistress shared any photos? and whether she would be interested in any long distance training in orgasm denial techniques? or edging to drain fluid only.”
A: No, no, and…. wait for it…. wait for it….. no. Wait. Scratch that. What I really meant was this: fuck no.
Q: “Are you being gastronomically adventurous, or is there a reason you’re trying quinoa & buckwheat?”
A: After living through both the “quinoa experiment” and several batches of buckwheat muffins, I can say with absolute certainty that there is no reason to consume either… unless you have Celiac’s, which I don’t. Buying both products was a lapse in judgment and I will now return to eating that which I can flip on the grill.
Q: “Well how did he do it?”
A: How did J finally bring me to orgasm? He used a mix tape, three rubber bands, and a bottle brush.
Q: “I’m married. Will you peg me and keep it on the down low?”
A: No. But to replicate the experience at home, do the following: Drop your pants. Back up into a broomstick. Repeat as needed.
Q: “Is a phone domme supposed to compliment you?”
A: According to the official handbook, Phone Domination for Dummies, Dommes-by-phone are allowed to compliment you on your speaking voice, the quality of your grunts, and on your choice of phone plan. All other compliments are strictly prohibited.
Q: “I’d like to learn more about you. Is that possible?”
A: It’s too bad I don’t have a blog or something where you could learn more about me. Sorry, you’re SOL.
Q: “Will you marry me?”
A: No. I am not accepting marriage proposals, but I do accept diamond rings.
Q: “What books are on your shelves right now?”
A: The bad ones. All the good books are on my nightstands, in the living room, on the lanai, and strewn about the office floor.
Q: “Are u going to move in with j?”
A: Hell. No. He’s lucky he’s allowed to leave a toothbrush at my place. Speaking of, he’s going to have to bring a new one next time he visits. I just used his old toothbrush to clean my earrings. :)
Q: “Do you have any tattoos or peircings?”
A: Tattoos, no. Piercings, yes.
Q: “Do you want children?”
A: Why? Are you selling?
Q: “Do you make appearences anywhere?”
A: Like, public appearances? No. What would I say: “Hello, I’m Dumb!” [roaring laughter and applause…] However, I do often appear at my home, work, and the local pub.
Q: “Why do I love eating my cum in front of women?”
A: It tastes like chicken? Honestly, I have no idea. Have you checked out Cooking with Cum: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes? On second thought, don’t. Best wishes for good eats.
Q: “I wonder about your last relationship before J.”
A: It ended, as all relationships do. Maybe it didn’t so much end as just fizzle out? I’m not one for epic breakups or dramatic exits. Perhaps I’ll write about him some other time.
Q: “Does J read the blog?”
A: No. He doesn’t even know about it. See here.
Q: “How long have you been with J?”
A: We started seeing each other in February or March of 2011, so that’s a little over a year almost two years.
Q: “so you wouldnt want to just peg me huh?”
A: No. I recommend you get a nice big dildo and fuck yourself. I imagine it will feel much the same to you as this conversation has to me.
Q: “I enjoy your website. Thankyou. Do you ever session with LDS?”
A: Long distance slaves? Long distance subs? Latter Day Saints? Logistics Data Systems? No. No. No. I don’t think so.
Q: “Hello Mistress. I know we don’t know each other very weel, but would you like to initiate me to the cock control stuff?”
A: Absolutely. Step 1: Grab your cock in your right hand. Step 2: Wank. (Glad I could help!)
Q: “Will you give me feedback on my profile?”
A: Sure, but you might end up as blog-fodder. Don’t worry, I won’t identify you, unless you’re into public humiliation.
Q: “Are you sure you aren’t a switch?”
A: I am absolutely sure I’m not a switch. With that said, how is anyone ever really sure? I’m sure I’m heterosexual, too, but maybe I just haven’t met a woman that I’m attracted to yet. But really, seriously, I’m not a switch. :)
Q: “Are you and J exclusive?”
A: No.
Q: “Naked and kneeling at your feet, Mistress.”
A: Get up and put some clothes on, stupid.
Q: “What do you wear when you want to feel sexy?”
A: A green M&M costume and combat boots.
Q: “Are you seeking a diapered sub?”
A: Really? This is the first question? Anyone else? Please?!? [crickets….] No. I am not seeking a diapered sub, but best of luck to you in finding that special someone to change your nappy. :)


  23 Responses to “Questions & Answers”

  1. In your opinion, what role (if any) do blowjobs have in a dom/submissive relationship?

  2. I remember having that question. Of course, the words that ran through my head were nearly unintelligible (on the count of the fact there was a cock in my mouth), but I did think, "Wait a second… I'm going down on him? This isn't right… I'm Dominan… screw it…. *licklicksucksucksuck…*"

    Fact is, I like cock. I like blowjobs and I like vaginal sex. However, I also like to control the situation, the conditions, and the frequency of such things. Sure, it's my mouth on his cock (my cock!), but it's something I enjoy. If I like it and I'm calling the shots, then it's something we're going to do if and when I want to do it.

    To my partner's credit, he's never asked for it (he knows better), he doesn't interrupt me or bother me when I do it, and he's well aware he's not allowed to move… not even an inch (if he's even able). It's never seemed to alter his position towards me, so blowjobs haven't really been an issue.

    Besides all that, and depending on the dynamic of the relationship, I can't imagine having more control over a man than when his most sensitive parts are between my teeth, with all of the potential for intense pleasure or incredible pain, or even somewhere in the middle (or all of the above!).

    I know that some Dommes don't agree–don't think it's a good idea and/or don't like doing it. I can certainly understand their rationale(s). I can see where it might shift the power dynamic in ways that a D/s couple might not want. But I guess, if you know yourself, know your partner, and are sure enough of the dynamic, then suck on (or be sucked, as the case may be).

    I stand by my earlier statement. I like cock. :)

    Ummm… have I said too much? ;)

    • Yes, yes and yes again (both to bj & vaginal sex).

      I never ever could understand why having somebody’s cock between one’s teeth was even supposed to be a non-dominant act.

      I get intelectually how it is (culturally?) construed as such, but there is a few things that make me feel more in control than that, and that is in a fundamentally vanilla RL context too, with no bindings.

      • I never ever could understand why having somebody’s cock between one’s teeth was even supposed to be a non-dominant act.

        I know, right?

        I get intelectually how it is (culturally?) construed as such, but there is a few things that make me feel more in control than that, and that is in a fundamentally vanilla RL context too, with no bindings.

        Yes to this! I don’t think of it as “service” (and honestly, I don’t think I much like the idea of him performing that sort of “service” to me either) — I do it if and when I want to. Granted, he might not have the same liberty to chose time and place, but I hope he does it because he wants to. He damn straight better want to… ;)

  3. And do you allow him to cum? If so, what are the options for where? If on you, where is permitted and where is off limits? What are his clean up responsibilities?

  4. wait a second… am I providing you customized wanking materials?

    If not… provide me some context here. Why are you asking? Is this an issue your having with your sub/Domme?

  5. Yes, associated with my sub. He is averse to aim and cleaning up after himself. I am interested in your opinions.

  6. Aim? I don't think I understand. Are you asking him to cum somewhere specific? (I'm imagining a red bulls-eye painted to a sandwich board opposite your bed) And supposing you are asking him to hit some sort of a mark, he refuses to clean it?

    I have a feeling I don't understand the situation. However, I appreciate the idea… I'm off to the garage to see if I have enough red paint to fashion a target…

  7. @Anonymous: "Here is a blog that I think you will enjoy…"

    Why? I'm not sure I understand why this blog would interest me. (Sorry, not trying to be rude–I just don't understand.) This particular Dominatrix and I have almost nothing in common.

    Perhaps you can explain or be more specific?

  8. Here is a blog that I think you will enjoy…

    Mistress d Juna [defunct]

    Would love to hear your comments. :-)

  9. Do your subs have rules or a contract?

  10. Thought you would enjoy the blog as she seems to have a similar approach to subs…

  11. @Anonymous: Maybe I just don't see it. I skimmed through almost every word on both sites looking for a similar approach (I'm curious now), but I don't really see one. I think the fact she's a pro-Domme with client/subs makes our approaches (if I even have one?) vastly different.

    She's looking to "hold erotic imagination," allow subs to "soar," and "transform" them. I'm not.

    She is a "beautiful, powerful, erotic woman." I'm clumsy, unsure, and I accidentally tied myself to a doorknob trying to put on a corset. Very little of what I am is powerful or erotic (unfortunately).

    Anyway, I don't get it, but thanks for sending the link along. :)

  12. @Anonymous: "Do your subs have rules or a contract?"

    Rules, kinda. Contract, no. And there's really just one sub, and I'm not even sure whether I can even call him a sub. *sigh*

    Anyway, I'll post "the rules" sometime soon, I think.

  13. Suggestion for your lexicon – pegging and Your views on it.

  14. @Anonymous: "Suggestion for your lexicon – pegging…"

    Yes! I'll add that to my list. ;)

  15. Hello! I enjoy your blog. I would like to know if J is allowed to read your blog? Cheers!

  16. Another suggestion for your lexicon – ball busting

  17. “Q: “why does the underneath of the tongue hurt when you eat pussy”

    A: Obviously, your girl is upside down. Flip her over and your tongue will feel much better. You’re welcome.”

    OMG my ribs hurt I am laughing so hard at this! too funny I love it!…btw do you feel violated yet DumbDomme? You should because I plan on poking your blog over and over until I can truly understand how to portray you in my tribute..because I love challenges!



    • You should because I plan on poking your blog over and over until I can truly understand how to portray you in my tribute..because I love challenges!

      Ha! I’ll be honest… that makes me a little nervous. :)

      But, poking around here and again seems pretty measured. It’s the folks who sit down and read the whole thing start to finish in 24 or 48 hours that baffle me… I don’t think I could stand that much of myself!

      • Get ready to be baffled then because I am a baffling type of person, even I don’t understand myself. But I trust if I bother you, you will tell me. I poke around a lot of sites because I have a thirst for knowledge about myself and I find a lot of it through others.


  18. awww I see thank you for answering my withdrawal vs drop question D! Yeah I can see the difference now. See I cannot say I have ever experienced drop so when I read the posts of people saying they were in sub drop it seemed like almost withdrawal from my perspective but I understand the difference now thank you.

  19. How did you and J meet? It seems the harder I try to find a dominant partner the more I find people trying to convince me I’m a switch.

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