Aug 182011

Right now, I am in a relationship with J. He’s smart and beautiful, and most of the time, he is sweet and attentive.

J has known that he is submissive for nine or ten years. I’ve only realized that I’m dominant since I met him. Looking back, I can certainly see signs throughout most of my relationships, but I’ve never felt the urge to dominate anyone before him.

It’s been an interesting journey, as he’s an experienced submissive and I’m just realizing that I deeply enjoy dominance. I enjoy hurting him, teasing him, and petting him, and I love being worshiped and obeyed. It hasn’t been easy–relationships rarely are. This one is far more complicated because we can’t see each other as often as we’d like and because I have no idea what I’m doing. I may not know what I’m doing, but I know what I like.

Early on, when I was still reading everything I could get my hands on about BDSM, J described me as being like a fifteen year old with a learner’s permit and a Ferrari. I’m still not entirely sure whether I should be flattered or offended.

Aug 152011

I celebrated my 30th birthday a couple of months ago. Around that same time, someone new awakened something inside me that I didn’t know was there. Apparently, not only am I wicked smart and moderately attractive, but I’m also a sadistic dominant who enjoys pushing boys around in bed. Actually, I enjoy pushing boys around in general.  :)

In addition to being relatively well-educated and nice to look at (in the right lighting, of course), I’m also clumsy, self-centered, obsessive, terribly vain, and prone to making terrible decisions. I’m hoping to change some of those things about myself as I figure out who I am and what I expect.

I think this space will be one where I can most honestly embrace myself — I am a Domme. I’m also new, inexperienced, and nervous. That’s not a good combination.