Jul 142015
drunk email

I’m either fucking awesome or total shit at drunk emailing. One of those. It is safe to say I’m terrible at drunk dialing since I sent a drunk email to test the waters first. Who does that? I can’t even fuck up like a normal person. Anyway, (clearly) things aren’t going well between the boy and I. <sarcasm> Quelle surprise </sarcasm> — there are only about a million miles between us (literally and metaphorically…). drunk email was last modified: July 14th, 2015 by Dumb Domme

Jun 222015
recurring dream (variations on a theme)

J and I are trying to untangle an amorphous snarl of hurt feelings, miscommunications, and mismatched expectations related to the relationship (past, present, and future). Yeah… we’re still something. That something? I’m not sure what to call it. It’s a relationship where we’re broken up without a break up, in a situation where  we’re physically separate, but not emotionally separated. We’re not together, but not apart. We’re both single, but not looking* because we’re still in love (but doomed). What do you call that? A mess? Sure. But it’s the mess we find ourselves in. It’s one we’ve been in, … [read more]

Mar 182015

I can’t write my words when I don’t have you I can’t sing my song when my strings won’t tune You won’t believe me You won’t believe me crying And I can’t walk my path when I can’t stay motivated I can’t pay my dues when it gets too complicated You won’t believe me You won’t believe me So you’ll never see me Give me a reason and I won’t breakdown Give me a reason and I won’t breakdown And if that’s all that you’ve got you’d better not get caught I’ve got more in store. I can’t keep my … [read more]

Feb 122015
writing the self; constructing reality

I’ve been trying to figure out why I’ve been getting progressively more precious about my writing here. Every word feels so consequential that I struggle to get things down — the way they were, the way they are, and the way I want them to be. Lately, more often than not, I don’t hit ‘publish.’ I’m not ready, not (entirely) for emotional reasons, but for intellectual ones. I don’t understand things, I don’t like the way they’re still bouncing around in my head, and I’m not ready to commit them to the permanent record because they’re fragmentary, unfinished, and disorganized. … [read more]

Jan 242015
beginning to wonder (so much left unsaid)

A long (long) time reader wrote me a kind note about a month ago. Hi D, I was beginning to wonder how your life was going following J’s departure. With the extended time between your post about Jian Gomeshi and your most recent posts, I was beginning to think you were either completing a very big project at work or holed up in a seedy motel room with several empty bottles of vodka to your credit. But with today’s post [contemplating the divine] my answer came – introspection. Big work project? Yes (always). Seedy motel room? No (never). If I’m … [read more]