May 082013
 
up(date) my ass

If my asshole could talk, it would thank you for the kind attention it’s received over the past few weeks. After recounting my depilation tribulation, I received a lot of advice… and some of it was actually good. Some of it was not. In particular, the suggestion that I should take an epilator to my asshole was misguided (at best). My hunch is readers who made the suggestion either actively hate me, or they haven’t actually attempted the method of follicular obliteration they endorsed. I used an epilator on my pussy once and almost lost my labia. I do not … [read more]

Apr 182013
 
how to shave your asshole

The title is misleading. I have no fucking idea how you’re supposed to shave your own asshole… but I tried. Spoiler Alert: I failed. Wait, what? What’s that you say? Ummm… why do you want to shave your asshole, D? Are you conforming to the unrealistic beauty standards propagated by popular media and pornography? Are you buying into aesthetic standards that make women subject to the unattainable ideals of the misogynistic patriarchy?  Are you seriously attempting to conform beauty standards…. for your ASSHOLE? Yes. I am. Also, fuck you. I wanted to shave my asshole. Deal with it.    Asshole … [read more]

Feb 042012
 
post-Brazilian

The Brazilian was about as much fun as having all of my pubic hair ripped out. Oh wait, that’s what happened. I had all of my pubic hair ripped out.

The name of the place had about as much class and discretion as “Bush Whackers.” I was nervous, but the technician (the waxer? the bush whacker?) was very nice and explained the procedure to me first. While I was pretty sure I knew what would happen–she’d apply hot wax to my pink parts and rip all of my hair out–it made me feel better to hear her explain it anyway.… [read more]