Aug 242011
Success! (or, Shopping Day 3)

Stilettos do come in women’s wide-width sizes! At least, I think they do. It’s also very possible that they are made for very short transvestites. There’s no way to be sure. At Macy’s, a very tiny Asian man directed me to a beautiful pair of strappy, black, patent leather stilettos — my dream shoes! He even claimed they were comfortable, although I can’t imagine how he knew whether or not they were comfortable. When I asked him if I could try on a pair in my size, he said, “Oh, I don’t work here…” and he walked away. Short transvestite? … [read more]

Aug 232011

After all of the lessons I learned on Day One of my shopping adventures, I was dumb enough to try again today. All I really want is a nice pair of stilettos I can wear in the bedroom. Shopping Day Two = failure. After hours wandering the mall with no luck, here is an approximation of the last conversation I had with a sales person before leaving the mall. Conversation had at Neiman Marcus with a male salesperson, mid 40s, effeminate, possibly gay, at approximately 7pm: Me: Do you have basic black stilettos in seven and a half, preferably sandals, … [read more]

Aug 222011

Do not walk into any store with a number or a fruit in the store name (Forever 21, Papaya, etc.). Stores like this carry skirts with hemlines so high that I’d have to introduce my pussy to people at parties: “Hi, I’m D. This is my pussy. We’re glad to meet you.” The clothes are cut for ‘tween sluts and working hookers.