Jun 302014
domme problems: defective minions

  Clean my floor… NOW! Charging Error… 3. Shut the fuck up, minion! Charging Error… 3. I don’t care about your problems. Just clean my fucking floor! Charging Error… 3. …dammit.     domme problems: defective minions was last modified: June 30th, 2014 by Dumb Domme

Jun 072014
retraction: dumb domme regrets the error

Earlier this week, I published a fake answer to a real question using made-up data about dominant women’s preferences for a submissive male’s penis size. In an effort to appeal to my readership outside the US (and look worldly and refined) I listed measurements in metric instead of the standard ‘Murrican units I know and love. I meant to convert inches to cm, but I fucked up and converted inches to mm… but slapped a ‘cm’ indicator next to it anyway. Anyway, the original version of the post stated that dominant women prefer a penis length of 223cm and circumference … [read more]

Jun 012014
a tale of two Kaisers

  At checkout. Need anything else? Kaiser rolls. Get a package of 8 or 12. Not seeing kaiser rolls. All they have are sandwich rolls. Those are fine. You sure? Happy to stop somewhere else if you need kaiser rolls. That would be silly :) Not sure if you’re being sarcastic? Sarcastic… about sandwich rolls? Negative. I take sandwiches very seriously. Ok. So I’ll stop somewhere else and get kaiser rolls. Wait a sec… obvs, sandwhich stuff goes on a sandwich roll. What do you think goes on a kaiser roll? ……a kaiser? Hey, if you want to put an … [read more]

May 212014
the space between and the hair that's there

the space between and the hair that’s there or, “Stupid Search Terms: Razors and Holes Edition” What follows are actual search terms people that brought people to my website. Yeah, sure, I know they were search engine queries, but that won’t stop me from responding. i can’t see behind my vagina to shave my asshole I know, right? I still get occasional nicks when I shave my legs with a razor… and I can see my legs. It would be nice to get visual confirmation of the target before swatting at it with a razor. FYI, don’t bother trying to back … [read more]

Apr 142014
identity thieves and back bumper Baptists

So, it’s not even a month into spring and I’m feeling it. I hate the spring — it’s full of falling shoes, work stress, ugly anniversaries, and the ever-present undertoad looming just around the corner. Since the vernal equinox, not even one month in, I discovered some schmuck stole my identity and racked up a fuck ton of charges at a shameful big box store I don’t even patronize. And what’s worse, somehow, the schmuck also managed to lease a new car in my name. Must be nice. Getting a new car doesn’t sound like a bad idea, actually, because … [read more]