abandon spreadsheet (sometimes less is more)

 D/s, my boy, relationship crap
May 122013
 
abandon spreadsheet (sometimes less is more)

A month and a half ago, a bunch of little communication issues and disappointments all added up, compounded, and finally reached a tipping point. I wasn’t happy about it, but I decided to be proactive in taking steps to improve the situation. I had big plans — I promised crystal clear new rules, weekly tasks, a “Ma’am is pissed at you” early warning system, and a color coded spreadsheet to keep track of it all (complete with push notifications that would be sent to our phones). I wasn’t being over-dramatic, but there’s a teeny, tiny chance my plan was a … [read more]

it’s not about submission… (why submission isn’t weak)

 D/s, erotica, my boy, relationship crap
May 052013
 
it's not about submission... (why submission isn't weak)

Two years ago, I told J I wasn’t interested in a weak man. This was his response: D, You said neither confession nor obsession turned you off. I’ll take you at your word. When we talked the other night, you mentioned part of what turned you on was being hunted. You also made it clear that you are not interested in weak men. While I understand and respect that, I am not sure you understand me. I do not know what you read or heard, but my being submissive does not make me weak and I resent the implication. Instead … [read more]

my ignorance: submission = weakness

 about me, BDSM, D/s, my boy, relationship crap
May 022013
 
my ignorance: submission = weakness

When I saw J for the first time, my attraction was immediate. He was tall, athletic, and clean cut, with killer blue eyes and an air of self-confidence. He dressed well, and his crisp button down shirt hinted at a fantastic build underneath. Later on that day, when he unbuttoned his shirt cuffs and rolled up his sleeves, the ink on his forearms suggested perhaps he wasn’t quite as clean cut as he first appeared. The entire day, I couldn’t keep myself from thinking about what he might look like out of his business casual attire — How cut is … [read more]

what does it mean to break a submissive?

 BDSM, D/s, nerdgasm, play
Apr 132013
 
what does it mean to break a submissive?

I admitted I’m not sure what it means to “break” a submissive — my ignorance is equal parts inexperience and lexical ambiguity. While my inexperience (and sometimes-ignorance) is well-documented here, the ambiguity isn’t my fault. “Breaking” is figurative, not literal. It’s a metaphor (or hyperbole, idiom, symbolism, synecdoche, or some messy combination). The intended meaning is dependent on the speaker and the received meaning is dependent on the audience. For that reason, the ambiguity isn’t surprising — the range of interpretations is wide, and includes everything from inconsequential, isolated “breaking” to severe, irreparable “breaking” (and all points in between). On … [read more]

breaking: a beautiful abstraction

 D/s, dear J, my boy, play, relationship crap, short erotica, toys
Apr 092013
 
breaking: a beautiful abstraction

I want to take it all–everything you have to give. I want to suck the breath from your lungs and leave you empty and wasted. I want to pry you open, shove myself inside you and get off on the resistance you provide. I want to break you, to fuck you into pieces and put you back together just so I can break you again. He was bound flat on his back with his feet in the air. Thighs cuffed, ankles tied, he was spread wide, splayed open, stripped and exposed. I hurt him a little, then sat between his … [read more]

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