Feb 222015
fire hazard

I don’t tend a flame or hold a torch (I carry too much kindling) The risk of errant embers catching fire burning bridges is enough to scorch the earth “Heart on fire” by pdpics.com, (2010). Work licensed under a CC0 1.0 Universal (CC0 1.0) Public Domain Dedication. fire hazard was last modified: February 22nd, 2015 by Dumb Domme

Feb 122015
writing the self; constructing reality

I’ve been trying to figure out why I’ve been getting progressively more precious about my writing here. Every word feels so consequential that I struggle to get things down — the way they were, the way they are, and the way I want them to be. Lately, more often than not, I don’t hit ‘publish.’ I’m not ready, not (entirely) for emotional reasons, but for intellectual ones. I don’t understand things, I don’t like the way they’re still bouncing around in my head, and I’m not ready to commit them to the permanent record because they’re fragmentary, unfinished, and disorganized. … [read more]

Feb 052015
obsession and ink blots

I imagined picking up the pens would be a pleasant distraction — a temporary, meaningless focus in an otherwise cluttered brain. I thought practicing calligraphy would be relaxing. It isn’t. I don’t do moderation. I’m all or nothing, always or never. I am falling or flying. What used to be my dining room is littered with ink pots, pens, nibs, empty cartridges, parchment, rulers, markers, and pads of paper. My nails are ruined, and my fingertips are stained black, crimson, and blue. As soon as one stain fades, another takes its place. My hand spasms, my fingers curl. I can’t … [read more]

Jan 242015
beginning to wonder (so much left unsaid)

A long (long) time reader wrote me a kind note about a month ago. Hi D, I was beginning to wonder how your life was going following J’s departure. With the extended time between your post about Jian Gomeshi and your most recent posts, I was beginning to think you were either completing a very big project at work or holed up in a seedy motel room with several empty bottles of vodka to your credit. But with today’s post [contemplating the divine] my answer came – introspection. Big work project? Yes (always). Seedy motel room? No (never). If I’m … [read more]

Jan 132015
what is this thing?

I’ve been asked by the lovely and talented Girl on the Net to participate in a daisy chain interview thing over at Cliterati. While I don’t usually participate in such things, I fucking love GoTN, so I couldn’t say no. (You can read GoTN’s interview here). One of GoTN’s questions is: “How would you describe your site in two sentences or less?” While brevity isn’t one of my strengths, this should be a fairly easy question to answer. I mean, I’ve written nearly 600 posts here since I started in 2011, so I should be able to say what it’s … [read more]