About Dumb Domme

 

About:

dumb-domme-avatarI’m a professional in my early thirties in the sunny subtropics, close enough to the city and the seashore to keep me happy, entertained, and inspired.

I’ve led past lives as a wunderkind, a classically trained mezzo soprano, a ninja, a statistician, and as a freelance graphic artist. I made my way through school on hard work, passion, desperation, and on pawning off more engagement rings than I care to admit. At the moment, I have an exciting career — I’m living on knife’s edge between up-and-coming industry expert and complete-and-total failure.

I’ve been dating my boy, J, for two and a half years. He’s an experienced submissive, but I’m still new to D/s and BDSM. I’ve always known I was a little kinky, but I’m still figuring out what it means to be a dominant partner in a relationship. Oh, and a little secret… J doesn’t know about this blog. Correction: my boy found out about the blog. Yep. That happened. :)

Besides all of that, we’re in a relationship with an expiration date. Since the very beginning of our relationship, I’ve known that J was looking for job opportunities on the west coast. At some point, that opportunity will present itself, and he’ll leave. I won’t move with him and he won’t stay. We’ve always known we’re on borrowed time, and perhaps, that makes our time together all the more valuable.

Why “Dumb Domme”?:

In hindsight, calling myself “Dumb Domme” was a bad idea dumb idea… so maybe it fits. I’m over-educated, but I still do stupid shit.

When I first started reading about all things kinky, I found lots of the dominants in my local scene absolutely laughable for their over-the-top rhetoric, lists of ridiculous demands, indifference toward their subs, and general bad-attitudes (see my response to one Domme’s unsolicited advice). “Dumb Domme” was my attempt to distance myself from them and my acknowledgement that I have a lot to learn.

Besides that, “Dumb Domme” is pretty funny (especially compared to names like Miss Svetlana Painforfun, Mystryss Evyl, and Domme Dastardly). I admit I make lots of mistakes, but I’m adept at finding the humor in situations (particularly in my own).

Random Stuff:

  • I’m 5’5″, with dark hair and green eyes. I think I’m pretty and I know I’m very vain.
  • I love beautiful words, especially when they’re written for me, at me, or about me.
  • I like avocados, parenthetical elements, breaking the fourth wall, the Oxford comma, and red nail polish.
  • I dislike Shepard Fairey, raisins, asymmetry, D/s cApItaLiZatIoN, and accidentally running into spiderwebs on my evening jogs.
  • My hard limits include furries, My Little Pony play, Steely Dan, curly quotes (in CSS), and novelty kitchen items (unitaskers).
  • I buy Cuban coffee from a guy named Miguel who roasts at his house and sells the beans in unmarked brown paper bags from behind the counter at the bodega. I don’t think it’s a legit operation, but it’s good shit.
  • I have a cat named “Asshole.” I agreed to pet-sit for an acquaintance a couple of months ago and she never came back for it.
  • I don’t like cats.

Categories:

about me: My experiences and thoughts, selfish musings, and mundane life experiences. Probably tells you something about me, although I don’t promise that it will be anything interesting or important.

my boy: About the guy I’m currently dating, J. We fuck. Besides that, I often experience warm fuzzy feelings in his general direction. Other times, I want to throw him down a set of stairs, and on rare occasion, I don’t care one way or the other. The category dear J includes stuff I’ve written to him and stuff I thought about saying, but didn’t.

orgasm project: Where I bitch and whine about my difficulties coming to orgasm with a partner.

play, erotica, & short erotica: Everything from sweet kisses, to sadistic use and abuse, and all manner of fucking. Some true stories, some plans, some fantasies.

funny and/or fail: Includes stupid stuff I’ve done that I’ll be able to laugh at in a few years. Also includes other people’s stupidity. (I’m not entirely self-centered after all…)

lexicon: Where I define and defile BDSM “vocabulary” words.

nerdgasm: Nerdgasmic opulence, luscious geekery, and orgasmic intellectualism, which may or may not include the haphazard application of rhetorical, feminist, critical, and/or cultural theory from the 5th century B.C.E. up until today. I also reserve the right to irresponsibly apply the theories of the future or make up my own.

 

  25 Responses to “About Dumb Domme”

  1. Hmmmmm pondering the paradox of a Domme who dislikes asymmetry. Maybe it's just that you prefer your sub with both arms cuffed, both legs tied, and both ass cheeks red? :)

    And I agree with you re: the Oxford comma. Without it, I feel naked. (Note above gracefully inserted comma.)

  2. @DC: Shhh… I'm trying to hide all of my paradoxes. And BTW, I do prefer to keep my bondage and my marks symmetrical. ;) Thank goodness I'm ambidextrous.

  3. I have a bit of a soft spot for My Little Pony…
    But play is a totally different alley. Ha.
    Did someone proposition you for that? *blinks*

    Lady D

  4. “My hard limits include furries, My Little Pony play, and Steely Dan.”

    I snorted I laughed so hard. BTW…I like Steely Dan, in the 8th grade :)

    -H

    • @Hedone: Thanks for the snort!

      About Steely Dan, it’s cool. I liked My Little Pony in 2nd grade. We all have pasts we’d like to forget. :)

  5. I don’t know how I’ve never read this before, but damn, girl, I think we were separated at birth. Except I’m older, so that doesn’t really work. Also, I don’t eat steak.

    • @Liza: Perhaps we’re long lost twins and our birth certificates got messed up? Question is, are you younger or am I older? Perhaps we can split the difference… or just say “screw it” and both be 21 again? :)

  6. I need to tell you how much i enjoy your posts. I think your a bit of an awesome”wordsmith.” Unlike me haha. Finally i wish,.naay dream!that i could meet you in person and experience your delicious dominance. As i said,a dream,for many reasons. None more than the atlantic ocean. Happy christmas btw dD:)

  7. I stumbled upon your blog a couple of months ago and have been enjoying it so much! I’m still kind of trying to find myself in the dominance world and, as a total nerd, reading about it is the best I can do being in a LDR. :P haha

    • @Well hello there, Jools. :) I’m glad you found me. I’m not sure anything here will be much help, but if nothing else, it’s some reassurance that not all of us know our way around floggers, rope, and dominance!

      Also, LDRs suck sometimes, but I try to make the best of it. :)

      • Hi D! :) Thank you for the welcoming message (I felt welcome anyway!). Trust me, I can see myself in many of your stories and that’s why I think it’s so nice that I can relate to someone as I never had by reading other blogs before. :)

  8. Hey, DD – I can’t tell you how much your writing has meant to me, especially as I embark on my own exploration into Domme-hood. I routinely come back hear to read your words and check out your links to other smart, interesting, thoughtful dominants. In any case, because of all this coolness, you’re one of my new faves. And then I told everyone I knew on the internet: http://adissolutelifemeans.com/2013/01/05/2012-in-review/

  9. “Besides that, “Dumb Domme” is pretty funny (especially compared to names like Miss Svetlana Painforfun, Mystryss Evyl, and Domme Dastardly). ”

    Esp. given that Miss Svetlana Painforfun wouldn’t hurt a fly, Mystryss Evyl is merely misunderstood, and Domme Dasterdly is now married to Snidely Whiplash and has changed her name to Ms Dasterdly Whiplash.

    • Domme Dasterdly is now married to Snidely Whiplash and has changed her name to Ms Dasterdly Whiplash.

      Did you see their wedding registry? It was all monogrammed paddles and “his and hers” plugs. I have no idea what the toaster was on there for, but I’m not going to ask.

  10. Steely Dan is a hard limit for me too. ;)

  11. Fabulous. I could be referring to your beautiful green eyes (green eyes are lovely) if I saw them. You’re vain. So why not start off well?

    You never needed to mention your intellect. You couldn’t be this damn funny without it.

    Thanks so much for your rant (err, musings?) on this nonsense capitalization that I find disturbing to read.

    I think I would have liked a dumber domme like you but alas, you don’t like chicks. You mentioned a warmer climate you’re in but probably not here in LA? If you were, Sprouts had today 4 avocados for $1 (as I’m enjoying one right now).

    I read this and I’m finding it to be true…next time you’re buying some, look for the avocados that look pear shaped. Supposedly this means it grew up on the tree and it’s sweeter. At least the second part of that sentence I can attest to. Damn, some mighty fine avocados.

    If you were near, I’d toss you a few. I’m a big spender like that.

    Thanks for making me laugh tonight. Something serious (my dearest friend told me in email tonight that she has this softball on her uterus) has made go up and down in my emotions. One moment I shake it off, the next I’m crying so hard my face is on fire.

    And I ended up here. You think a xanax, avocados and more magnesium will put me to sleep? I’m honestly really scared. I don’t want to lose her and she’s never taken my nutritional advice. Will she finally let me help her? I know how to fight cancer.

    Now I’m being a downer and you distracted me for more then a few moments as I struggle with ass hair shaving also. BTW, it’s not easy but I do have a home laser and for some reason, a previous domme was quite amused imagining me zapping away in pain (the darn thing hurts if the setting is too high – and that’s after the fun of dry shaving).

    Thanks lovely green-eyed (would have been groovy if heteroflexible) domme who gets it.

    • I think I would have liked a dumber domme like you but alas, you don’t like chicks.

      I don’t not like chicks. :) There is a girl (the good girl) I see from time to time… and another I’m writing about soon (I’m working on it now… but it’s a long story).

      You mentioned a warmer climate you’re in but probably not here in LA? If you were, Sprouts had today 4 avocados for $1 (as I’m enjoying one right now).

      Right climate, wrong coast. :) Four for a dollar avocados? Ugh… I wish.

      Thanks for making me laugh tonight. Something serious (my dearest friend told me in email tonight that she has this softball on her uterus) has made go up and down in my emotions. One moment I shake it off, the next I’m crying so hard my face is on fire.

      I’m so sorry to hear it. That’s awful, terrible news. I imagine it’s got to be removed, but is there any word yet on whether its the malignant sort of softball? (not as if any uterine softball is good, but some are worse than others.

      And I ended up here. You think a xanax, avocados and more magnesium will put me to sleep? I’m honestly really scared. I don’t want to lose her and she’s never taken my nutritional advice. Will she finally let me help her? I know how to fight cancer.

      Unfortunately, probably not. I’ve been known to use a couple of valium, an ambien, and few stiff cocktails myself (although that’s not a method I recommend). Not as if there’s any silver lining here, but perhaps she’ll be frightened enough to let you help… scared straight into taking your advice. *fingers crossed*

      Now I’m being a downer and you distracted me for more then a few moments as I struggle with ass hair shaving also. BTW, it’s not easy but I do have a home laser and for some reason, a previous domme was quite amused imagining me zapping away in pain…

      Down happens. It’s an unfortunate side effect of being human. :) Um, also, how the hell do you have a home laser and PLEASE for the love of all things avocado, please don’t tell me you lasered your own ass? I bought one of those at-home hair-at-a-time electrolysis thingies. It’s a hair at a time, so I gave up after doing a square inch of one of my legs. Who has time for that crap?

      Thanks lovely green-eyed (would have been groovy if heteroflexible) domme who gets it.

      You’re welcome. Glad to have provided a laugh. :) As for heteroflexible… if I’ve slept with women on occasion, does that count? I’ve always struggled with labels… :)

  12. Svetlana Painforfun made me snort. Thanks for the pick-me-up!

  13. Hey, I love your blog and I was wondering if you wanted to guest post for me something squirting related, any stories or thoughts you had. Let me know.Thanks

  14. On the one hand, I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to start reading your blog. On the other, I’m very happy it’s happened at a time when I’m between jobs, and can therefore consume the whole thing in one big, delicious mouthful.

    You had me at ‘Oxford comma’.

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