May 232015

A relaxing soak in the tub — that’s a thing normal people do with free time.

Without the stress of potential career collapse, for the first time in over a decade, I have free time. I’m glad, but if the past few weeks are any indication, I have absolutely no idea what to do with it (or myself).

I also have a bath tub. It’s beautiful — big enough for two, deep enough to drown in, with bubble jets, water jets, and a thermostat — but it’s completely wasted on me. I haven’t used it in well over a year, so it needed a thorough scrubbing to remove a year’s worth of dust, cobwebs, and whatever creepy crawlies that might have taken up residence in the plumbing. I cleaned every accessible surface, poured a healthy dose of liquid bleach into the intakes and returns, and scrubbed until it sparkled.

While it filled with scalding hot water, I rummaged around and found a floral smelling bath ball thing to toss in, (long ago, I learned that bubble bath + water jets = a very bad idea), and I eased into the water. During an episode of Louie (I am incapable of just sitting there), I struggled to find a balance between the hum and gurgle of the jets, the iPad volume, and the echo in the room. During the second episode, I engaged in brisk exfoliation with an extra gentle human sander loofah thingy. That felt productive, but I got out before the episode was over — I had nothing else to do and I dislike being still unless I’m doing something.

It’s been an hour since then and my skin still looks freshly scrubbed and pink in places. By “freshly scrubbed,” I mean excessively scrubbed. By “pink,” I mean irritated.

I’m thinking I should have run water through the system to flush out the bleach before I filled the tub. I didn’t think of that. Instead, I sat in a scalding hot, self-agitating mild bleach solution for almost an hour while I scrubbed my skin raw.

I do feel like a new woman… mostly because I burned off the outermost layer of the old one.

So fucking relaxing.

  13 Responses to “relaxing soak in a mild bleach solution”

  1. All you had to do if you were bored by sitting still in the bathtub was give me an invite :P

    Look at it this way, you are thoroughly sanitized now.


  2. I had a similar struggle regarding chilling in a bath; I couldn’t do it unless the entire bathroom was clean enough to eat off of, which pretty much precluded any kind of soaking/relaxing.

    It was actually TN who helped me get over that. The man took a bath every day, sometimes twice a day, and it just sounded so nice!

    Like you, though, I have to do something and I don’t think I’ve ever lasted more than a 22 minute episode of something.

    Re: the bleach, well, it remindse of something MJ would’ve tried and wasn’t Clorox once used in douching?? You’ll be fine! Perhaps a little paler… lol xx Hy

    • You’ll be fine! Perhaps a little paler

      Maybe. My skin is irritated as fuck in ALL OF THE PLACES.

      The only thing princess-y about me is my skin — it doesn’t take kindly to being irritated and boy does it let me know.

  3. Hilarious. Pure comedy gold. I’m still laughing here. Thank you.

  4. This was an extremely humorous and delightful post. I really enjoyed reading it. If I had a bathtub like that I would set up camp in it and probably never leave! :)

    Best Regards,


    • If I had a bathtub like that I would set up camp in it and probably never leave! :)

      If you’d like to set up camp, now is the time! It’s never been so clean!

  5. Hilarious! I have the similar experiences with “relaxing” activities. Pedicures send me in fits of laughter and awkwardness, I scald myself regularly during showers and baths, and my poor cheeks have suffered the rough scrubbing of many exfoliators. As for yoga, I spend the time between thinking “these dumbasses need to stop with the fake deep-breathing already” and “downward dog, I wanna shoot you in the face fuckfuckfuck”. :(

    • As for yoga, I spend the time between thinking “these dumbasses need to stop with the fake deep-breathing already” and “downward dog, I wanna shoot you in the face fuckfuckfuck”. :(

      I know, right? Yoga is the WORST for quieting my inner monologue… “why is the back of my left knee sweating and not the back of my right knee… god I wish I could find a good sports bra that didn’t give me a uniboob…”

  6. What would we do without your inimitable ability to self-flagellate here in blogland–not to mention in your own tub!

    YES always rinse bleach out of the tub (you know that now, I’m merely reiterating. Your skin will remind you!).

    Coconut oil works wonders for uber-dried, irritated skin. It won’t help the irritation in your brain in trying to sit still and be calm, but at least your skin will be happier. (Solid at room temp, it will melt in your hand. Your skin will thank you. You can use it for everything..even brushing your teeth if mixed with a dash of baking soda…)


  7. I’ve done that, sadly more than once. While I don’t take baths very often anymore, I do love them with a glass of wine, soft music, and a book (hence why I still prefer paper books versus electronic – expensive book to drop in the water!).

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