May 312015
you fucked up: how to apologize (and mean it)

J and I had problems with apologies. I wrote an entire paper on on “submissive sorry” (it’s been submitted to the Journal of Submissive Studies; I’m still waiting for the double-blindfold peer review reports). That was observation, but this is advice for everyone. Okay, maybe not everyone — maybe just anyone who finds themselves in a situation where they need to apologize to me.  Apologize and Acknowledge Apologize for your fuck up, but also, acknowledge whatever inconvenience, annoyance, hurt, or anger your fuck up caused. Apologize for that too. Be Empathetic (It’s Not About You) Sure, you feel bad (for … [read more]

May 262015
I am not sex positive

I’m tired of the “everything is awesome” school of uncritical sex positivity. More than uncritical, sex positivity seems to actively discourage examination by dismissing any analysis that isn’t positive or neutral (beyond Your Kink Is Not My Kink) as kink-shaming or any number of other reductive dismissals that preclude critical examination or discussion. Potential counterpoints are addressed by building straw men easily dismissed as vanilla or prudish, or as ignorant, uninformed, or inexperienced. Actual counterpoints are automatically deemed kink shaming or censorship. If criticism is already assumed as coming from some position on a sliding scale of ignorance/inexperience to dislike/disgust, … [read more]

May 232015
relaxing soak in a mild bleach solution

A relaxing soak in the tub — that’s a thing normal people do with free time. Without the stress of potential career collapse, for the first time in over a decade, I have free time. I’m glad, but if the past few weeks are any indication, I have absolutely no idea what to do with it (or myself). I also have a bath tub. It’s beautiful — big enough for two, deep enough to drown in, with bubble jets, water jets, and a thermostat — but it’s completely wasted on me. I haven’t used it in well over a year, … [read more]

May 212015

we move in oblong orbits our distance inconsistent over time increasing space reduces gravity “Animation of the moon phases / Lunar libration with Phase 2” by Tomruen, (2005). Image released into the public domain. oblong orbits was last modified: May 21st, 2015 by Dumb Domme

May 192015
allusion and appropriation

KinkBNB’s logo is terrible. First, and perhaps most egregious, is their use of Impact font — popularized by LOLcats, the typeface has been the standard for image macros and internet memes for the past decade. Impact font…. seriously? Like, were there no other simple sans-serif typefaces they could have chosen? While I can’t imagine the logic (if any) behind that choice, KinkBNB’s allusion to the Leather Pride Flag is as subtle as a sledgehammer (or perhaps, as subtle as a spanking). It would be disingenuous to say I carry no purposeful, physical markings of cultural identity, but I prefer to … [read more]