Apr 142015

So, my career is ramping up, or ending. Possibly both. I’m not sure.

In the beginning of this blog, I described my career as being on knife’s edge between up and coming industry expert or complete and total failure. That was the case some years before I started here, and it was years in the making before that.

I’ll find out soon which side of the blade I’ll fall on.

I don’t think I’ve ever worked so hard in all my life as I have these past few months. I routinely pull all-nighters like I’m a college kid (I’m not). If the whole career thing doesn’t work out, I’m going to kick myself for not buying stock in eye drops and coffee.

So, I’m feeling reflective, which isn’t much of a deviation from the norm — it’s like status quo to the nth power.

It’s the sort of existential crisis that comes with being on the brink of being what you’re meant to be and what you’ve worked toward… accompanied by the dread that comes with knowing it’s not in your power to decide.

I’ll know soon.

And then I’ll get to keep on doing what I do, or I’ll have to start over. Either way, I’ll move on with my life.

I’m looking forward to it.

  13 Responses to “up and coming expert, or complete and total failure”

  1. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

    And if it’s not to be, then how fun for us to ‘help’ you plan next steps! :) Options might include: 1) Dumbdomme international fan tour, 2) avocado recipe book, 3) 50 Shades of Feminism pop culture philosophy book, ….

    Okay, seriously, have all my fingers crossed for you.

  2. Wow: all or nothing? Yeeps! That’s brutal.

    Keeping everything crossed for you!


  3. Do these knife-edge binaries really help? I know we live in a culture that sees people (and encourages them to see themselves) in these stark terms – successes and failures, winners and losers, sheep and goats. No wonder we’re all going bonkers.

    But isn’t real life a bit more messy, smeared-out, and unpredictably probabilistic than that? Do we always have to beat ourselves up if plans and goals go awry? And doesn’t luck play a role?

    Anyway, whatever it is you’re aiming for, all the best, and be lucky.

    • Do these knife-edge binaries really help?

      Luckily, I’m writing my own feelings about my own career with no intention of “helping” anyone or anything.

      we live in a culture that sees people (and encourages them to see themselves) in these stark terms – successes and failures, winners and losers, sheep and goats.

      I never described myself or my life in such binaries — I described my career in binaries, and it’s the truth. If I don’t make it, my contract is terminated (I’ve known my potential date of termination for years — it’s printed on signed, watermarked paper, all perfectly official). If my contract is terminated, I will be radioactive and have no chance of working in my field again.

      And that? That would be failing at my career.

      Not failing at life, not beating myself up, not going bonkers — just failing at my career.

      Though your concern(?) reads more like condescension, I’m sure that’s not how it was intended, and so I’ll thank you for the well-wishes.

  4. Hey Ma’am, fingers and every thing crossed. Really hope the blade falls the right way. Not sure if positive energies will help but beaming some across from england for you! Chin up heel down! :)

  5. I feel like a Good job! is in order along with a “Hang in there!”

    You should be proud of yourself! xx Hy

  6. May your resolution be relatively painless. Sounds like you’ve been experiencing enough “growth opportunities”.

  7. Good luck, I hope it works out. Tough place to be mentally, stay centered.

  8. You will succeed. I have faith in you. If I know nothing of you I know from our interactions you are highly intelligent. You always make me wonder what exactly it is you do and you never will disclose :( I don’t feel special..well little yellow bus special but not special lol


  9. As you know, I have all the stuff crossed for you, and will remain so until I get to celebrate your glorious landing, on the right side of that blade. (See how confident I am?)

    So, I am in great expectation for good things for you! (Still got ’em crossed)

  10. You’ve infected us with your suspense! Hope you will let us know when you find out which it is to be.

  11. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you. At least it sounds like you’re dealing with it better than I would – I don’t do so well with situations that are out of my control like that and would probably be pouring wine into my face and rocking back and forth, not blogging thoughtfully :)

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