Hey there happy couple!
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding (or commitment ceremony, hand fasting, collaring, broom jumping, plate smashing, basket weaving and/or other symbolic ritual to celebrate your love).
Of course I’ll be there!
I mean, who doesn’t enjoy celebrating love, being with friends, and an open bar? (you’ll have an open bar… right?)
Get married under a chuppah, over a broom, before an altar, after Lemuralia, inside a church, outside on the beach…
I’ll be there, wishing you all the love and happiness in the world.
Your wedding is on a Sunday night… a SUNDAY night?
Sunday night. Well then…
I hope you break up.
And then I hope you both die in a fire.