Jan 182015
 

While at a work event this afternoon, I received an automated text alert: “Your packages have been delivered.”

Package? Packages… (plural)? I wasn’t expecting any packages — it’s after the holidays and my birthday is months away.

I don’t have that email address (the one I use for junk) set up for mobile, and I can’t check Amazon orders from my phone (I need to confirm my password… which is on my computer). But because I never clear the browser cache, I can see the items I’ve viewed.

Fountain pens… yes! I remembered looking at fountain pens. But also, apparently, I looked at a bunch of leather dresses… really expensive leather dresses. And sex toys. A lot of sex toys. And wah pedals. And outdoor fire pits…?

I felt nauseous. What the fuck did I buy? I know I can return stuff, but WTF was I going to type in the box? “Reason for return: I’m a fucking idiot who had WAY too much to drink”

When I got home, I was relieved to see the packages were small. I tore them open and laughed at myself.

Drunk me is pretty much like sober me. My drunken impulse buys included calligraphy pens (in four different nib sizes… four!), ink cartridges, a book, and eyeliner.

See what happens when I lower my inhibitions? I’m a wild woman… completely unpredictable. :)

 

what I buy when I'm drunk

 

  9 Responses to “drunken impulse buys”

  1. Wait til you get old. You can wake up in the middle of the night, watch an infomercial to pass the time and suddenly find yourself in possession, a few days later, of some crazy cooking system. And you don’t even get the buzz of a few boozy hours. Hugs, Raffi ps I love the packaging on the eyeliner.

    • crazy cooking system. And you don’t even get the buzz of a few boozy hours.

      Next time, find an infomercial for one of those diesel powered, ice crushing blenders. A few nights later, you can prolong a few buzzy, boozy hours by making frozen margaritas.

      Fuck it. I’ll get the blender. When can you come over? :)

  2. If the worst the worst thing you ever do when drunk is buy a few small whatevers, needed or not, you will live a happy an very honest life. Thw World itself, and too many of it’s humans, spend enough time beating on all of us. We do not have to join that crew as it regards us.

    • If the worst the worst thing you ever do when drunk is buy a few small whatevers, needed or not, you will live a happy an very honest life.

      Hmmm… well, this is certainly the worst thing I’ve done drunk in recent memory. But who knows, maybe I was so drunk I forgot something… :)

  3. lol

  4. Wah Wah pedal? I wanna hear more about that! :-)

  5. I bought a car in a drunken stupor once because it seemed like a good idea at the time. It was a 1973 WV Bug, which my friends dubbed the ” White Knuckle Express”. It had spongy breaks, which I tried to use as little as possible, and a hole in the rear floor that you could put your foot through, if so inclined.

    After a couple of years, and two replacement engines, it finally dawned on me that it was too fragile an appliance for my needs and driving style. I have been sober for most major purchases ever since.

    • I bought a car in a drunken stupor once because it seemed like a good idea at the time.

      You win the award for best purchase ever while in a drunken stupor. The car might not have been your best idea, but it certainly makes for great story! Besides that, you learned a valuable lesson about drunken purchases… Or maybe the lesson was about VW bugs? Either way… it was a lesson, right? ;)

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