Nov 242014
 

Today’s reader question is from Hesitant Husband
(who does NOT want to relocate to Cuckold Canyon, CO.)

quick-escalation

My wife is naturally dominate. I like playing around but I’m not into the whole cuck thing. I couldn’t deal with that.
If we continue playing around I’m not going to end up like her bitch or a cuck am I? That is not what I want and I don’t think she would want to either.

Femdom isn’t a chronic illness that starts with a command and ends with a locked cock and a dildo in your ass.

Just because you and your wife are “playing around,” it doesn’t mean she’ll end up fucking some other dude while you watch.

I mean, she could end up fucking somebody else, but you might not even be able to watch because she’ll have you locked in a metal cage under the stairs. ;)

Or… it could begin and end with the sort of playing around you’re doing now. There is no inevitable progression to BDSM, kinky fuckery, D/s, femdom, or any other relationship dynamics. Kinky fucking in the bedroom doesn’t have to mean anything outside the bedroom.

Your relationship can be whatever you and your wife decide it should be (…whatever works best for both of you).

P.S. Findings from the most recent study out of the University of FemDom suggest men who know the difference between “dominate” and “dominant” are 57% less likely to become cuckolds in female-led relationships!


“Leather Bondage Cuffs Restraints, Rabbit Fur-Lined” by Black Market Chicago.com. Work licensed for noncommercial use with modifications, according to Google.
“Small Male Chastity Device Cock Cage” by Mr. and Mrs., via DHGate. Work licensed for noncommercial use with modifications, according to Google.
“Slave Cage” by I Am A 24/7/365 Slave, (2013). Via the Experience Project. Work licensed for noncommercial use with modifications, according to Google.

  20 Responses to ““I don’t wanna be a cuckold!””

  1. Your whiny reader shouldn’t knock it until he and his wife try it.

    Mick

    • That’s silly, Mick.

      While you (or I) could make some argument about his language (“her bitch,” though, arguably, that same language is used by cuckolds to describe themselves), this guy didn’t knock cuckolding — he just suggested it isn’t for him.

      As for the “try it before you decide how you feel about it,” response, that’s total crap. I don’t need to try Scientology to know it’s not for me. I don’t need to try haggis, or scat play, or Dungeons & Dragons, or conservatism, or any number of other things to know they aren’t for me. That’s not a knock, that’s just me knowing myself.

  2. What makes the OP so sure he hasn’t been cuckolded already?
    I mean his lovely wife could have been doing that since their first date. :)

    • Considering that that would be nonconsensual, I think the letter writer would probably just call that “cheating” and not be turned on by it,

      • from what he i think he is probably cheating on her and being cucked would cause him to be hers and hers alone.
        He most likely wants an open relationship where he can do what he wants
        not to mention VC is most likely right TOO!! ok She is definitely right

  3. While doing the research for a piece on male submission, I tried to understand the ‘cuckold’ scenario and read a few of the obvious blogs. I wonder if it isn’t explicable as combination of intense male submissiveness, coupled with fear of sexual failure, and a dash of voyeurism.

    That said, the use of the term ‘cuckold’ and its place in cultural history – the way it invokes traditional notions of ‘manliness’ vs inadequacy – do create a sense of unease. But that’s just a personal view. Some of the men who are into the scenario seem to have reached a harmonious accord with their wives and themselves.

    • I wonder if it isn’t explicable as combination of intense male submissiveness, coupled with fear of sexual failure, and a dash of voyeurism.

      To even attempt to understand anything, I have to jam particulars and details into my own (admittedly limited) context. My “way in” to understanding cuckolding is jealousy.

      I’ve said as much before, and while it’s incredibly immature, I find a man’s jealousy so-fucking-hot. Part of what turns me on is being wanted — and jealousy is one way that want can be articulated.

      The other part of what turns me on is the sheer magnitude of my own wanting — that sort of wild, carnal, throw-rationality-to-the-wind sort of wanting him… it’s the overwhelming feelings of possessiveness and ownership that take me by surprise in the heat of a moment. While J and I experimented with that a bit (I still have summer sex stories to tell!), it’s something that’s better left to talk than action in our particular relationship. In general, the thought of making him feel unwanted or undesirable would feel dishonest to me — it would be dishonest.

      the term ‘cuckold’ and its place in cultural history – the way it invokes traditional notions of ‘manliness’ vs inadequacy – do create a sense of unease. But that’s just a personal view.

      Those notions and that history are cultural — there’s no point in trying too hard to reverse all of that — instead, I think it’s more useful to do exactly what you’ve done… acknowledge cultural bias and personal bias. Those don’t go away; we can only fight them.

      • D’oh!

        There’s me looking at things through man-tinted glasses again. It never occurred to me that the lady might find the sub’s jealousy hot.

        There’s a dark side to jealousy of course. It’s all there in the tragedies of Racine where the humiliation of unrequited love turns his noble characters, both male and female, into rage-filled, vengeful monsters.

        With regard to the cultural implications of cuckoldry – the way it taps into male anxiety and fuels men’s desire to control women’s sexuality, there’s a play by Molière called L’Ecole des Femmes which encapsulates everything in a hilarious comedy of manners.

    • I’ve had some good talks with a friend of mine who is extremely turned on by cuckolding (the way he and his long-time then-girlfriend did it, which thankfully didn’t include the nasty racist ‘my wife is being fucked by a big black stud’ trope). My friend described it as incredibly hot for him, and said his girlfriend liked it. When I asked him more about what the core of the turnon was, he said it was a masochistic thing, being turned on in this case by emotional rather than physical pain. He said that if it was a casual partner who was fucking other men it wasn’t a particular turnon for him, because the excitement came from the pain, which was directly correlated with how much he cared for the woman who was fucking someone else.

      It sounds very hot and excruciatingly painful!

      Obviously his experience is not the experience of every man into this. It’s one story of many, but I appreciated his ability to look into his experience and find the nub of it.

  4. Ugh, the cuck thing. For some ungodly reason, it’s tied into chastity play a lot more often than I’d like to see. A question that I get from a lot of women who email me to ask about chastity/OD play is about their own reluctance to take on other partners. And it’s distressing to see that it’s the cuck fetish crowd (mostly men, go figure) who love to lob this at pretty much anyone asking a question about it.

    Also, re: your letter writer.

    My wife is naturally dominate.

    ::sigh::

    • distressing to see that it’s the cuck fetish crowd (mostly men, go figure) who love to lob this at pretty much anyone asking a question about it.

      But… but… cock! They have one, and it’s SOFUCKINGIMPORTANT that they’ll make less-than-good-faith comments simply because it makes their very important cocks very, very hard.

      • Typical newb woman: “Hi, I’m at this forum because my husband has an interest in chastity, and I have a few questions…”

        Typical response on forum: LOCK HIS PATHETIC COCK UP AND GLUE THE KEYHOLE SO HE CANT GET IT OFF, THEN GET A BIG STUD AND FUCK HIM IN FRONT OF HIM AND MAKE HIM CLEAN UP IT’S THE ONLY WAY AND ANYTHING ELSE IS WRONG!!!!!

        Me: Seriously, guys?

        TNW: “Uh… I’m outta here, you guys are sick.”

        TRF: GTFO YUR NOT A REAL DOMME ANYWAY

        Me: ::facepalm::

        • Sigh. Are these the same men who complain that there are supposedly no kinky women?

          That aggressive and arrogant promotion of one’s own particular fantasy has been for me the most irritating and annoying thing about being a woman who loves to be dominant. So many men try to turn me into what they want without showing any interest in what I want, or while actively dismissing or sneering at what I want.

          I wish men like this understood how much of the caution we highly sexed women show stems directly from being treated aggressively and told our desires don’t count unless they are exactly what some man or group of men wants.

  5. Undivided attention in the form of abuse sounds possible here. Departure from monogamy does not a cuckold make. Are the people in question on speaking terms?

    • Not sure what you mean by “undivided attention … abuse” here.

      As for whether they’re on speaking terms, I have no reason to believe they aren’t. Unfortunately, the context you see is all the info I have… and that’s maddening.

  6. They have a relationship that works, apparently. He is concerned that they will end up in a relationship that neither of them want. He is supportive of his wife’s dominance. So they both agree to proceed down a road that doesn’t lead places they want to go?

    Most relationships are trusting, well communicated places. He sounds like non-consensual activity will be the result of his ongoing support of his wife’s dominance, and that abuse will result. Maybe.

  7. I’m fascinated by how this guy doesn’t want to be cuckolded, and believes his wife isn’t into it either, but STILL THINKS IT MIGHT HAPPEN SOMEHOW.

    Srsly, wtf is up with these n00bs who think D/s HAS to go a certain way, even if none of the people involved are into it? How would that even work? Do they believe there’s a BDSM police force that goes around arresting people for doing it wrong?

  8. A lot of people are nervous about where things might eventually lead. Just imagine you’re new to BDSM and fetish. You start playing some innocent games and then later go on line and find some really crazy stuff.

    If my partner likes A and B that could lead to C right?

    The key here is to talk to your partner. Tell them what you enjoy, tell them what you’re interested in and tell them what you’re worried about. Communication is vital.

    Also, I’d like to ask for people to be a little easier on the noobies. Yeah, they ask stupid questions sometimes. And maybe you’ve even heard those same questions a million times all ready but they’re new to this. So they’re gonna make mistakes and ask stupid questions. Isn’t it better that they ask stupid questions rather than blunder into things themselves and get into trouble?

    If you’re not patient enough to deal with them then don’t. Just sigh and at their silliness and move along. Leave them to people who have the time and patience to help guide them.

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