Nov 102014

Bears, Boilers, Babygirls, Biology, and Board Games

Today’s reader questions are brought to you by the letter “B.”

bear over double boiler

Could you make me a chocolate teddy bear please?

FFS. Now is not the time for ambiguity! Do you want me to make you a chocolate teddy bear? Or make you into a chocolate teddy bear? By chocolate, do you mean a flavor? Or a color? I can’t possibly help you if you don’t give me all the information.

Since your question is wide open for interpretation, I’m going to have to use my judgment. Go sit in a double boiler and wait for me there.

What is a “babygirl” sex role?

“Baby Girl” is a sex position, not a sex role. It’s when you sit in a pink high chair, wear a bib, and eat strained peas while your partner fucks you with a binky.

I’m fairly sure it’s a relationship role, or a role in a BDSM dynamic. It’s sorta squicky to me, so it’s not something I’m familiar with… so, maybe, ask someone who is into it. Or maybe, just fucking Google it.

If I was your endoplasmic reticulum how would you like me? Rough or smooth?

endoplasmic reticulum meme

Hmmmm… since sperm cells are one of only two types of eukaryotic cells that don’t have an endoplasmic reticulum… Are you trying to tell me you’re firing blanks?

Or you just couldn’t come up with anything else to ask? That big empty contact form is just too fucking tempting not to type something into, isn’t it? If you must, you could always ask me an actual question — I don’t mind silly questions (sometimes I enjoy them), but a middle school biology joke? A meme? You seriously couldn’t come up with anything better?

You know you don’t have put anything in the comment box, right? (especially if it’s stupid shit I can’t do anything with.) The easiest way to avoid sending me stupid shit is to think of something really fucking stupid you could send me… and then don’t send it.

Would you describe a long-term femdom relationship as similar to the game Go, in your expert opinion?

I don’t play games.

Oooh… that sounds a little sexy, doesn’t it? Imagine me meeting your eyes, and using my best sexy domme voice… ‘I don’t play games…’ HOT.

Anyway, I don’t play board games or party games, and I’m not familiar with Go. But, if I had to say, femdom might be a little like Cards Against Humanity, which I’ve never played… but it looks like an interesting way to spend an evening. Players have to do what’s on the cards, right? ;)

Femdom Like Cards Against Humanity

“Bain-marie” by Antoinel, (2005). Work licensed under Creative Commons: CC BY-SA 3.0.
“Newer teddy bear” (2013). file is ineligible for copyright and therefore in the public domain.
“Smooth or Rough meme,” from

  6 Responses to “reader questions: bears, biology, and “babygirls””

  1. Cards Against Humanity might just be the best “we have a bunch of drunk friends together and we need to be entertained” game ever (sober version: “Werewolf” — If you ever get the chance, both of them are quite a bit of fun.

  2. You completely fooled me with you answer to the third one. I thought for sure you would say something like: “If you were a endoplasmic reticulum, I’d like you in a petri dish, so I could subject you to things like bleach, phlegm, harsh sunlight, and perhaps even some low dose radiation, just to see what happens… You know, for science.”

    That said, I think you handled it with more than a fair degree of alacrity and flair… Nicely done!

  3. Having two questions answered out of four in one post ain’t bad.

    To clarify I’m talking about making a chocolate teddy bear, the type of delicious munchkin that you want to eat, but is just too cute to do so. And endoplasmic reticulum, as a microbiologist I prefer prokaryotes more, but you’d be surprised by the amount of times at uni where I’ve broke the ice with that one. I find as well when chatting to geeky potential doms, done right, I stick out for good reasons from other subs. What can I say I’m a…… fun – gi.

    • To clarify I’m talking about making a chocolate teddy bear, the type of delicious munchkin that you want to eat, but is just too cute to do so

      Ok, but if I wanted to eat chocolate, why would I go to the trouble of making it into a cute shape first? Some the steps seem unnecessary to me. My process goes like this:

      Step 1: Eat Chocolate.
      Step 2: Repeat Step 1.

      As someone from the humanities, I’d like my cells to be so good at their jobs I forget they exist.

      Geeky? *snort* Geeks play D&D and watch Dr. Who. Nerds dedicate themselves to a field or subject and devote their lives to it. I imagine geeky doms might smile at such a line… but nerds? No way. ;)

    • Ah… so you’re the Prince Charming who asked such thoughtful questions such as “have you hit the menopause yet? No period play for subs :(“ and “When’s the last time you had the D? You seem pent up.”

      You’re as delightful as a paper cut.

  4. That is a great tip particularly to those new to the blogosphere.
    Brief but very precise info… Thank you for sharing
    this one. A must read post!

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