Nov 212014
10 things I realized later in life than I should have.
(in no particular order)
- We are not “human beans”
- If I have the presence of mind to compensate for my physiological tell, I am an excellent liar.
- “Mannequin” is not an acceptable career choice.
- I have terrible rhythm.
- There is no “statue of limitations.”
- People rarely care (or love, or hate) as much as I think they do.
- I throw a wicked left hook.
- Sometimes it doesn’t matter how hard you try or how much you love something. Sometimes being good at it is all that matters.
- Despite what my mother told me, I am not the prettiest, smartest, most talented little girl in the whole wide world.
- Jeff Bridges and Jeff Daniels are two different actors.
“High key mannequin” by Ingo Bernhardt, (2011). Work licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0). [deviation from original: rainbow gradient overlay]
Re: terrible rhythm.
I took years of dance class as a child. I never understood why everyone else was off the music’s beat and I was the only one on. I thought they should all be following me. When I was in the color guard and the drill instructor insisted I stay behind for extra marching practice, I thought it was because I didn’t lift my knees high enough. When, while dancing around the living room to Elvis’ “Girls, Girls, Girls” album, a chance garage sale purchase, my stepmother told me my rhythm was off, I figured she was an old fogey and didn’t understand modern dance methods.
It wasn’t until I was playing Wii Music with my sons, at the ripe old age of 48, that I had a lightbulb moment and truly understood that my brain is different in some crucial way so that I don’t hear and respond to beats and rhythm like others do. I’m perpetually a fraction of a second behind.
I guess I march to the beat of a different drummer. :-)
You’re lucky. I march to the beat of an didgeridoo player, and they aren’t exactly known for their rhythm. ;)
What’s your tell? (that you are aware of — possibly you have tells you aren’t aware of)
I can’t tell you. If I told you, we could never play poker. :)
Now I’ll be wondering for the next few days if I have a good left hook or not, also wondering how I can find out without the possibility of someone else finding out if they have one too at that exact same moment.
Easy… just find someone with terrible rhythm. Not me, of course, because I fight dirty and I’ll kick your cane out from under you. ;)
Probably hit a guy with glasses too
Of course not, silly. If I accidentally broke your glasses, then how would you know who kicked your cane?
We are not “human beans”
Hell, some of us are not even “human”
I am an excellent liar.
I am a terrible liar, but what I lack in quality, I make up for in quantity
“Mannequin” is not an acceptable career choice.
Neither is “speed bump”
I have terrible rhythm.
Rhythm is one thing I have a lot of. I also have a good voice (just not for singing)
There is no “statue of limitations.”
I believe there is a statute of limitations, for certain non-violent felonies… At least I hope so.
People rarely care (or love, or hate) as much as I think they do.
This is probably quite true. Speaking for myself, as a nihilistic old bastard, I’ve come to the point where I can’t get too overworked about anything…. Except carrots! I HATE those goddamned, fucking things with a passion!!! They taste like… well, CARROTS!!!
I throw a wicked left hook.
I punch like a ten year old, but I’m pretty good with a 9mm semi-automatic
Sometimes it doesn’t matter how hard you try or how much you love something. Sometimes being good at it is all that matters.
I’ll keep that in mind, if I can ever work up the courage, or energy to try hard or love something.:)
Despite what my mother told me, I am not the prettiest, smartest, most talented little girl in the whole wide world.
Yeah, but I bet you’re in the top ten! :-D
Jeff Bridges and Jeff Daniels are two different actors.
Mitch McConnell and a catfish are different too. One is a slimy, shit eating bottom dweller, and the other is a fish.
“Mitch McConnell and a catfish are different too.”
ROFL. Thanks for that. Made my day. And I’m not even a Yank.
Carrots I can handle — they don’t lie. They look like they taste and they can be made palatable. Parsnips, on the other hand… motherfucking parsnips… *grumble*
Also, a catfish looks like a catfish. Mitch McConnell looks like a turtle.
Now I’m so very curious as to when and how you learned about your left hook! Please share…pretty please?
And that hyperbole (prettiest, smartest…) is so not helpful to kids when poured on thick.
Oh…I’m a ninja. Also, there was that boy I knocked out under the bleachers at a high school football game. There was something about “no” he didn’t understand, and he didn’t seem amenable to letting me explain it to him… so I knocked him the fuck out. That, he understood. :)
I’m learning number 6 far too much over and over again
No…. :(
No #6… take #1 instead… or #4… let’s be dancing human beans together!!!
1. Grew up with an accent? Then there are.
2. Tells are relative, and sex has a tendency to reveal at least a few of them.
3. There are goths over the age of forty; this was surprising to me.
4. More like Al Gore, or the beat of a drummer who isn’t?
6. Some people have words, and some people make the most of the words they have.
5. Do you speak Dutch?
10. Sometimes.
8. People are performers.
7. Defense is just as important.
Good thing I spend most of the day not fucking.
Nee.
I couldn’t agree more. Sometimes a wicked left hook is the best defense.