Aug 292014
breaking up (the collar), part 2

When we last left our heroine, she was sad, drunk, and holding bolt cutters… continued from breaking up (the collar), part 1 One of the O-rings is mine. My intention was to turn it into a bracelet I could wear every so often — maybe when I’m missing him — but that didn’t work out so well. It did make a lovely bracelet, but I have freakishly tiny wrists, so it was too big for me to wear (aesthetically or comfortably). It would make a much better necklace, but I’m damn-straight not going to wear what appears to be a … [read more]

Aug 262014
compound FUBAR = clusterfuck

I haven’t posted in 13 days. I don’t think I’ve ever gone so long without saying something, even if it’s only something stupid. I haven’t said much because I’ve been busy, and also, because I’m not sure what to say. And when there is something I want to say, I’m not sure I should. If I’m honest with myself, the big reason I haven’t said much of anything is because I can’t decide whether “FUBAR” or “clusterfuck” is more appropriate to describe the situation. Almost none of the FUBARs that comprise the clusterfuck were unexpected. I knew some tough shit … [read more]

Aug 132014
breaking up (the collar), part 1

I have a relatively well-appointed workspace in my garage, but it’s for woodworking. I don’t do metal beyond Firehouse, junior high shop class level soldering, and occasional short-lived obsessions with various arts and crafts. I don’t own a bandsaw, a blow torch, or bolt cutters. In theory, taking O-rings off a collar isn’t difficult or complicated, but in reality, it took me while to figure out. It required multiple trips to Home Depot and several frustration-related cocktail breaks. In hindsight, I should have taken some measurements and read up on what’s required to cut through different gauges of metal. Or … [read more]

Aug 092014
inadequate indication of intimacy or indecency

Obviously, I’m not a photographer. I’m far more comfortable with words than I am with images (and perhaps I’ll explain why some other time). Since I was thinking about (and writing about) what I intended to do with J’s collar, I figured I should take some photos of it before I took it apart to make it into something that better suits it’s shifting symbolism. While I’m not generally invested in photos I take, these were a giant disappointment. They were ridiculously boring — more flat and straight-forward than rich and resonant. First, it’s disappointing that I can’t possibly communicate … [read more]

Aug 062014
(in)compatibility: he wants a dominant, she wants a submissive

In the three and a half years we’ve been together, I’ve only cried (really cried) in front of J twice. The second (and last) time was during butt sex (his butt, not mine). The first time was very early, before this thing we had could even be called a relationship. Maybe that’s when I first realized it might be a relationship — I’m not sure. We hadn’t been dating long when I decided the whole D/s thing was just too much pressure — it required too much reading, responsibility, and too many rules. I just wanted to enjoy his company, fuck … [read more]