I don’t like clutter in my physical environment and I don’t like clutter in my head. Keeping my surroundings simple is easy, but my brain is a different story — it’s a constant struggle to simplify, prioritize, and focus. Because there’s so much going on in my head about the present and the future, I don’t have the energy or the mental space to deal with junk from the past.
For that reason, I don’t want lots of tangible reminders of old thoughts and feelings, particularly not for those that aren’t worth remembering. Those sorts of mementos serve only to agitate mental and emotional detritus that settled long ago.
I don’t deny the existence of people, events, and times in my life, but I prefer to let those memories rest where they lie — I have no desire to disturb them.
I have a few mementos that evoke thoughts and feelings worth revisiting — among them, my father’s guitar, my grandmother’s cast iron skillet, and my well-worn canvas backpack. They’re only objects (of course), but they’re important to me for the memories they inspire, the people they call to mind, and the experiences that shaped me. They are well-kept and used often (when possible), not simply out of sentimentality, but also out of respect — for what they were, what they are, and what they’ve contributed to making me who I am.
I thought about throwing J’s collar away, but that felt disrespectful (to J? to us? to the collar? I’m not sure). Keeping it buried in a drawer somewhere didn’t feel right either — it felt too much like suspended animation, as if the collar (and I) would sit waiting for the return of its wearer. I don’t want to give it to J — it won’t be ‘his collar’ (nor will it be mine) after we split, when I am no longer his dominant and he is no longer my submissive.
Instead of any of those options, I’m repurposing J’s collar in a way that feels respectful and appropriately sentimental, but also in a way that recognizes the impending split and acknowledges that we’ll both be moving forward… separately.
A reader comment on my past post made me feel a little defensive — I wondered if I was being silly in my want to hold onto J’s collar. Maybe my preoccupation with finding some way to repurpose it was (is) a distraction — a project on which to focus my energy to avoid feeling sad, angry, and helpless.
The latter is okay, but not the former. I’d like to think I’m not overly sentimental, especially about material things.
Your responses made me feel a bit better, (or at least not so silly in my sentimentality). Chaos wished she had kept the collar she made for her former boy, and Heather kept her collars against her former dominant’s wishes.
So now I’m curious about what others have done with collars after D/s relationship break ups… so tell me…