Jun 072014
 

Esslingen-Dick-SchornsteinEarlier this week, I published a fake answer to a real question using made-up data about dominant women’s preferences for a submissive male’s penis size.

In an effort to appeal to my readership outside the US (and look worldly and refined) I listed measurements in metric instead of the standard ‘Murrican units I know and love. I meant to convert inches to cm, but I fucked up and converted inches to mm… but slapped a ‘cm’ indicator next to it anyway.

Anyway, the original version of the post stated that dominant women prefer a penis length of 223cm and circumference of 160cm. To put that in perspective for my ‘Murrican compatriots:

length: 223cm (or 2.23m) = 87.7953 in. (or 7.31627 ft.)

circumference: 160cm (or 1.6m) = 62.9921 in. (or 5.24934 ft.)

So yeah. I accidentally said that dominant women prefer 7 foot long cocks.

Dumb Domme regrets the error.

(I stand by my earlier statements: 1) I know nothing about math,
2) Numbers give me hives)


“Esslingen-Dick-Schornstein” (2007) by Barbara Bunčić. Image released into the Public Domain by copyright holder.

  9 Responses to “retraction: dumb domme regrets the error”

  1. I figured that was entirely intentional, and explained why every domme will criticise penis size. Even the largest anatomically possible penis will fail to satisfy the dominant woman hivemind. (I hear Dommes don’t make mistakes, or something :P )

    • Hesk, I don’t know whether you’re being serious or not, so forgive me if the sarcasm went right over my head.

      I figured that was entirely intentional, and explained why every domme will criticise penis size.

      Maybe online findomme types, but I read the blogs of several dominant women and I’ve not seen any of them discuss preferred sizes or criticize any particular size — not ever.

      dominant woman hivemind. (I hear Dommes don’t make mistakes, or something :P )

      I’m not acquainted with the hivemind… and I’m not even sure there is one. As for dommes making mistakes, if that’s what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place. :)

  2. I once new a guy that had a seven foot ego and people couldn’t stand him. I guess that only shows that size does count. Nobody wants to be around too big a dick.

    I am not acquainted with the hivemind either, although I am acquainted with hives. I get them from cats, and honeysuckle, but I don’t get them from math.

    Also, I don’t worry about the size of my cock. If my ex were to tell me; “Give me six inches and make it hurt”, I’d give her 2 inches three times and kick her in the shins.

    • All words of extreme wisdom, Slapshot. Too much ego, dick, or hives aren’t good — I should know, as I’ve both witnessed and had all three (though not at the same time, thankfully).

  3. I read this via RSS, and a few minutes after I skimmed through that post, I had to stop and go back through my reader a few minutes later as it sunk in. As it happened, last week I had just been doing inch to cm/mm calculations for my bike computer, so the sizes just caught the edge of my attention.

    That said, I like Hesk’s answer better.

    • I had just been doing inch to cm/mm calculations for my bike computer

      Is that what people are calling it these days?

      That said, I like Hesk’s answer better.

      I’m not all that surprised. Sometimes I think a lot of submissive men want to believe (or choose to believe) that all dominant women are awful mean bitches who subscribe to hive mind… because that’s what gets their rocks off. *sigh*

  4. This whole thing has been fucking hilarious! From one math-impaired person to another…

    I salute you!

    P.S. My new saying is clearly going to be, “Numbers give me hives.”

    • P.S. My new saying is clearly going to be, “Numbers give me hives.”

      Ha! I’ve also said “Numbers are against my religion,” so feel free to use that too. :)

  5. I’m not American, so we just know that a penis over 2 metres long is probably bigger than you had really meant…

    :)

    Fury

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