Jun 032014
 

Today’s reader question is from Fret Cocksure of Dicktown, New Jersey.

Q:  Do most dommes prefer their male subs to have small penises or big cocks?

A: Great question! Based on an imaginary survey of fictional individuals, all dominant women prefer to measure cock length and circumference in metric. An overwhelming majority of dominant women indicate preference for penile length of ~18.62cm (+/- 1.56cm), curvature of 12°, and angulatory projection of 13° (calculated perpendicular to the bodily structure on which cockular appendage is fixed).

Based on protractor measurements and artists’ renderings (pinning cock models down with the pointy end of a compass is difficult!), imaginary dominant women show strong preference for penistatic parabola arcs proportionally coefficient with ascending altitude. (See Fig. 1: “Preferred Penile Dimensions for Submissive Males” below)

measuring tape

In/Dependent Variables

Calculations are conditional, based on variables such as precise location, altitude/meters above sea level, and time zone.

Additional Notes

  • The quadratic equation may only be used in the case of a foursome.
  • On reaching terminal velocity, forward progression should be interrupted concurrently with “get that fucking thing away from me.”
  • Line segments (particularly those over above average balls) met with negative variables often result in directional adjustment and/or exponential multipliers (i.e. anger2).
  • In the case of continued acceleration, truncation may occur.
preferred penis size

Fig. 1: “Preferred Penile Dimensions for Submissive Males” [back]

True Confessions of a Dominant Woman (or, “I Lied”)

Lie #1: This may come as a shock to you, but I know nothing about math. Numbers give me hives.

Lie #2: That wasn’t a great question. It wasn’t even a good question. It’s actually a really dumb question.

Lie #3: Are you sitting down? Ok. Good. All that stuff above…? I made it up.

Here’s the thing, dominant women are women, and women are people. People, even those who identify as this or that, are all different. They have different preferences, appearances, values, turn-ons, pet peeves, mannerisms, hobbies, favorite breakfast cereals and toast toppings.

Some dominant women like regular peanut butter. Some like crunchy peanut butter. Some dominant women prefer Nutella, and some eschew the whole patriarchal privileging of nut butters and opt for Vegemite instead.

Similarly, some dominant women like larger cocks, some like smaller, and some don’t give a flying fuck. Some dominant women don’t have a cock-size preference because they aren’t into cocks — some dominant women prefer the company of female submissives.

In Conclusion(s)

  1. I don’t like math.
  2. Dominant women are people, and people have a variety of preferences.
  3. The world doesn’t revolve around your cock (unless I stick a globe on it… ooh… what a nice axis you have… I’ve always wanted to visit the north pole…).

composite based on “Penis Design Tool” (2014) by Rarapima. Permission to use image granted via website en.inkei.net.)

  17 Responses to “do dommes prefer big cocks? or small penises?”

  1. 223 cm is really really BIG.

    • Holy shit! I think I meant to put mm instead of cm (still would have been pretty fucking big). 223 cm is a 7 foot long penis!

      Ha! I told you I was shit at math!!

      (I’m correcting the error right now)

  2. This is why I <3 you.

    • Because I like cocks that ejaculate rainbows or because I’m shit at math? Don’t answer that… there can be more than one reason to love me. :)

  3. The world doesn’t revolve around your cock

    This is so very true, and I find that the older I get, the more true it becomes. In fact, it actually works to my advantage, as the little fellow has never been any more than a token appendage anyway.

    Interestingly enough though, I have discovered that with the twin devils of age and romantic irrelevance, scratching vigorously at my front door like a pair of ravenous wolverines, the size of my cock is almost completely irrelevant to those few that happen express any interest. Rather, I think it is the possibility of becoming a wealthy widow that seems to by the driving factor. Of course, seeing as my bank account is even less impressive than my diminutive physical attributes, the odds are quite long against that ever happening.

    Oh, by the way, after reading your reply to my last post, I decided to call the drunken Fräulein to tell her that she totally counts. It turns out that she doesn’t like math either. :)

    • the size of my cock is almost completely irrelevant to those few that happen express any interest.

      I know, right? I’ve turned down men for having small minds or small hearts, but I’ve never turned one down for having a small cock.

      Rather, I think it is the possibility of becoming a wealthy widow that seems to by the driving factor. Of course, seeing as my bank account is even less impressive

      Meh. Those sounds like “small mind” or “small heart” women, and you don’t need ’em.

      I decided to call the drunken Fräulein to tell her that she totally counts. It turns out that she doesn’t like math either. :)

      Bitches hate math. #truth

  4. Hahahahahaha.. OMG Best Response ever!

    But the million dollar question… Did you make that graphic yourself? And if so, just how long did that take? Finally, can I put the rainbow ejaculating thingy on my profile? I really want to see one of those!!!!

    • Did you make that graphic yourself? And if so, just how long did that take?

      I did. :) Honestly, I have no idea how long it took, but if I did, I probably wouldn’t admit it. It takes me WAY too long to create graphics (and to write anything) these days… I’m becoming the awful sort of perfectionist that ends up getting little done.

      Finally, can I put the rainbow ejaculating thingy on my profile? I really want to see one of those!!!!

      Hell yeah! If you want just a rainbojaculating cock, let me know. :) (I can make it in different colors, too — the greenish on black just looked like serious math business to me)

      • “I’m becoming the awful sort of perfectionist that ends up getting little done.”

        I’m very much the same way and it looked so good I had to wonder just how long it took… cause I would have been at it for a couple of days! Why I don’t bother with many pics on my blog! LOL

        “I can make it in different colors, too — the greenish on black just looked like serious math business to me”

        Hahahahaha No no… I wanna see if I can find one in real life ;) (though I do wonder how many face planting messages it might get me from idiots who think they can.)

  5. LOL, great response! You may not be good at math, but you are good at humor and your math mistakes just add to the humor.

  6. And THIS is why I find you brilliant! Lordy, I aspire to speak truth with such brains and humor. I’ve been a little (a “little”…phew!) stressed with pre-trip…stress…and this was just the medicine I needed this morning. Thank you!

    Rev

    • And THIS is why I find you brilliant! Lordy, I aspire to speak truth with such brains and humor.

      Thanks, Rev. :) Unfortunately, I devote the most smarts to the absolute dumbest questions.

      Also, hope your trip goes well!

  7. Ha! fantastic!

    I’ve never ever ever understood the male obsession with penis size. I’ve heard a man make a self-deprecating joke about the size of his cock directly after watching me have sex with another woman. I was floored–he had just seen how sex can be fantastic with no penis involvement whatsoever, and his very first thought was “I’m worried my penis isn’t large enough to get that reaction from a woman.”

    Cock size is never going to be an issue for me, no matter how big or small.

    Obsessing about one’s own cock size is going to be a deal-breaker no matter what size it is.

    • Cock size is never going to be an issue for me, no matter how big or small. Obsessing about one’s own cock size is going to be a deal-breaker no matter what size it is.

      Amen. Sing it, sister! :)

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