May 212014
 

the space between and the hair that’s there

or, “Stupid Search Terms: Razors and Holes Edition”

What follows are actual search terms people that brought people to my website. Yeah, sure, I know they were search engine queries, but that won’t stop me from responding.
can't see you own asshole in the mirror

i can’t see behind my vagina to shave my asshole

I know, right? I still get occasional nicks when I shave my legs with a razor… and I can see my legs. It would be nice to get visual confirmation of the target before swatting at it with a razor. FYI, don’t bother trying to back up to a mirror… it didn’t end well for me.

distance between womens pussy & asshole

This sounds like one of those math word problems… but I’ll give it a try.

In unfavorable conditions, if a man travels south at a rate of 3 drinks per hour and enters into restricted areas without regard for advisory warnings, he could expect to traverse the distance between vaginal opening and asshole in ~4.6 cm (+/- 0.9 cm). Unfortunately, the toll for access without permit is two testicles and a possible fine of up to four broken fingers.

epilator-1

epilator on my pussy first aid instructions

I’m so sorry for your loss. (the blood loss… the loss of your labia… the loss of your dignity…)

turn an asshole into a pussy

Whoa. That’s like sexual alchemy or something… it’s MAGICAL.

pop art of womens pubic hair styles

how to shave ass and penis secretly

Tell your ass you’re going to shave your penis, tell your penis you’re going to shave your ass, and then sneak up on them both at the same time. They’ll never see it coming!

pussy hitler mustache

Honestly, I’m hoping the whole trendy mustache thing is over soon… but whatever turns you on, I guess… I can’t say it hasn’t happened to me.

 

  8 Responses to “the space between and the hair that’s there”

  1. Tell your ass you’re going to shave your penis, tell your penis you’re going to shave your ass, and then sneak up on them both at the same time.

    A friend of my asked me if I shaved “down there” and I told her “Nope”. She looked at me in horror and asked me why not. “After all”, she squeaked, “what if somebody SEES it?” I explained to her that as a general rule, I don’t leave home unless fully clothed and as far as anyone actually wanting to go there for a look, I don’t worry about that either. I figure it this way, if you cut down all the trees in a dark haunted forest, do you know what you’ve got?… a dark haunted desert! And nobody is gonna want to visit that motherfucker anyway. Problem solved.

    • She looked at me in horror and asked me why not. “After all”, she squeaked, “what if somebody SEES it?”

      OH FFS. If somebody SEES it, they’ll know you’re a normal human being with normal hair. If that somebody is a potential sex partner and that somebody doesn’t like it, then you can talk about shaving it, or trimming, or leaving it au naturale.

      If hair (anywhere) is a deal breaker for somebody, then somebody is a pretty pretty princess who should learn to get over it (and frankly, that somebody isn’t worth your time).

      It’s just fucking hair.

      Tell her you wear a rainbow colored clown wig down there to cover up your shameful body hair. It both hides your natural state (your human state) and adds visual interest. :) BTW, I mean a full on clown wig… not a rainbow striped merkin… the whole fucking thing. Put a red clown nose on your cocktop and I’d say you’re good to go. :)

  2. This is awesome! You have inspired me to check the search terms on my blog, but I don’t get anything as fun and insane as these.

    • Thanks, Jess. :) They are mostly fun, a little insane, and some of them are downright cringe-worthy. I’ve been collecting for a while, so I have enough to kinda organize by topic… so, more to come (including the cringe-inducing).

  3. Oh, I so wish my pubic hair was thick enough for me to shave a Hitler moustache…

 Leave a Reply