Feb 072014
 

Recently, I’ve been having some trouble with my lawn care service. They’ve been late or absent for my scheduled service appointments, they’ve done careless work on recent visits, and they’ve accidentally overcharged me on two occasions in the past few months. Even so, they know what I want done, they charge a fair price, and they’re a small, family-owned, local business (the kind I like to support when I am able).

Anyway, I asked J to straighten it out. I don’t need him to do that sort of thing for me — I can certainly do it myself — but sometimes I don’t want to deal with it. Sometimes I just want someone else to take care of the details.

And he did. I told J about the problem(s), gave him the contact information, and he took care of it. They gave him their assurance they would be on time and do their work to the best of their ability. Done and done.

Fast forward to this afternoon…

After my army of Roombas vacuumed the first floor, I hauled out my giant floor scrubber.[1] It looks like an upright vacuum cleaner, but it uses a water tank and rotating brushes to scrub the floor, and then it sucks up the dirty water and squeegees the floor dry(ish). It’s heavy as fuck, so it’s tough to push, and when it creates a suction on the floor tiles, it’s hard to maneuver. It’s not so bad once I get it moving, but to do that, I have to lean my whole body into it and shove it in the direction I want it to go.

woman vacuuming in panties

Blue Tornado, ClubTransgenderArt (CC BY-NC-SA 3.0)

Since it’s a damp and dirty job, I typically scrub the floors wearing as little clothing as I can — it’s way better than having floor-water-wet and sweat-dampened clothing sticking to me. Today’s floor-scrubbing was just like any other — I closed the blinds in the front of the house, stripped off my clothes, and vacuum-scrubbed the floors in my bra and panties.

Halfway through my scrubbing, in the middle of my great room, I turned around to find two dudes in green overalls standing in my back yard. They were looking in through my giant floor-to-ceiling picture window, watching me basically dry-hump my vacuum-scrubber thingy to move it around the room.

I had no idea they were coming. J called to schedule the appointment and make sure they’d be on time, but he failed to tell me what day and time they were coming. For whatever reason, I never even thought to ask. In my mind, it was taken care of, and there was nothing else I needed to deal with…

But there was, of course. I had to deal with two disrespectful jerk-offs who stood in my (private, fenced-in) backyard and gawked at me like mouth-breathing cavemen. One of the motherfuckers was eating a sandwich (for fucks sake!) like it was some goddamn dinner and a show.

I was about to run upstairs and out of sight, but then I remembered…  despite my tendency to be easily embarrassed, I have a set of balls. Big brass ones — they’re metaphorical, but functional.

I turned on my heels, flung open the glass doors, and gave them a piece of my mind before telling them to get the fuck out of my yard and threatening to call the police.[2] I was calm, articulate, poised, and just the right amount of scary-bitch… all while I was in my underpants.


image: “Blue Tornado” (2009) by ClubTransgenderArt via DeviantArt. Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License (CC BY-NC-SA 3.0)
[1] Note to self: hire a house cleaning service or invest in a couple of floor cleaning robots (Scoobas! The amphibious cousins of my beloved Roombas)
[2] I have no idea if what they did was a crime and I don’t really care. It was fucking disrespectful and super creepy. 

 

  8 Responses to “vacuums and voyeurism (a caution against doing chores naked)”

  1. I have heard it rumored, that some men fantasize about a hot woman wearing nothing but underwear, yelling at them. I guess you provided the creeps, who were ordered there by J, with a great story to share over a beer. “Hey Carlos, remember the time that crazy lady yelled at us, for cleaning her yard? I just got ma sammich out and then all of sudden…”
    Good you stood up for yourself, though, and thank you for the mental image of your big brass balls.
    Cheers

    • a great story to share over a beer. “Hey Carlos, remember the time that crazy lady yelled at us, for cleaning her yard?

      Unfortunately, that’s probably how it will be communicated — I’m crazy and they were just doing their job. *sigh*

      Thank you for the mental image of your big brass balls.

      Ha! You’re welcome! They’re huge…. HUGE!

  2. Bahahahaha! I’m sorry DD, but you’re killing me here! I once read that may women do their chores/house work in next to nothing & even nude, ;) yeah I’m a big fan…
    Good for you for giving them what for…hehehehe….

    • I once read that may women do their chores/house work in next to nothing & even nude, ;) yeah I’m a big fan…

      Me too, especially if it’s messy stuff. It’s easier to clean myself off than get my clothes dirty too, right? I mean, I wouldn’t strip naked to change the oil in my car… but for light dusting? Hells yes!

  3. Damn. Too bad you didn’t look up and see J standing there! And too bad it wasn’t all turned around: you watching J vacuum.

    Man… fucking dudes.

  4. very interesting. Makes me wonder what i would have done if i saw you.
    Must say that when you said ” just the right amount of scary-bitch… all while I was in my underpants.” i did chuckle and feel bad for the fools who thought they had the best going for them. Have a great day

 Leave a Reply