Feb 052014
 

If you like it, who should put a ring on it?


thank you mistress for opening up my email hi mistress my question is which is proper sub asking his domme to marry him or being sub mistress is in control does she ask her sub to marry her thank you for your time i await your answer
Can we get some punctuation up in here?
Anyway, marriage… right.
Marriage isn’t a natural institution. It’s a cultural one. Its associated rituals and rules aren’t “proper”; they’re just common. D/s isn’t a natural institution either. It’s not a biological imperative, it’s just a way people enact what they’re feeling and how they feel about one another.
Any D/s rules are made up and they vary from person to person (and/or couple to couple). There are no universal, “proper” ways to do things — it’s all about what works for you and your partner.
If you’re considering marriage, I would hope both people in the relationship already know each other’s wants and expectations for the relationship, the responsibilities, and any of the related rituals and traditions that could accompany it. If not, then what the fuck are doing getting married? Jesus. Relationships are hard enough… you want to add a legal contract, community property, and joint-filing of tax returns on top of all that? (How romantic…)
If an F/m couple wants to get married and decides the male should pop the question, then the he should pop the question. If they decide the female should pop the question, then she should pop the question.
Either way, I think there should be rings involved — a diamond ring for her and a cock ring for him. :)

In the immortal words of Beyoncé…

bdsm marriage proposal


composite image by Dumb Domme (2014), based on “Standing Nude Male Torso 3,” (2012) by HenkyP, courtesy of Wikimedia Commons, licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license (CC BY-SA 3.0)

  6 Responses to “D/s marriage proposals: who should put a ring on it?”

  1. You could have added that marriage involves a lot of extremely hard work, and a D/s marriage is not immune to this rule. Effectively, it involves a promise to stay true to someone over 30-40 years no matter what. Given the way life throws unpleasant stuff at all couples, that is a huge gamble.

    Oh, and may I respectfully point out the following typo:

    “Can we get some punctuation up in here?”

    followed by:

    ” It’s associated rituals and rules aren’t “proper” ”

    Ooops.

    • You could have added that marriage involves a lot of extremely hard work, and a D/s marriage is not immune to this rule.

      I tend to think of the two things as separate, D/s and marriage, even if a hypothetical couple agrees to what we might consider a D/s marriage, because marriage is a legal contract and D/s is not.

      Effectively, it involves a promise to stay true to someone over 30-40 years no matter what.

      That depends on your view of marriage — lots of civil marriage requirements no longer require a marriage oath (the “until death do us part” or similar bit). If a couple makes no such promise and since there are provisions for dissolution, civil marriage isn’t necessarily a lifelong commitment or a promise of same.

      With all of that said, I agree that long term commitments and relationships, whether legal or otherwise, require a lot of work.

      Oh, and may I respectfully point out the following typo: “Can we get some punctuation up in here?” followed by: “It’s associated rituals and rules aren’t “proper.” Ooops.

      Knowing what you do about me and the writing I put here, I imagine you already know that respectfully pointing out a typo would involve informing me privately, or perhaps informing me publicly, but in such a way that doesn’t draw attention to the irony/hubris of my making a comment about punctuation just before I produce a grammatical error of my own. :)

      That sort of “respectful” has nothing to do with D/s, of course. It has everything to do with my want for quality writing and my tendency to be easily embarrassed by such things. :)

      All the same, I believe the error has been corrected. Thank you for pointing it out.

  2. That picture just made my whole day. Hell, my whole week. Beyoncé, diamonds AND a boy toy? Yes please.

    • I know, right? Beyoncé is as damn-near flawless as a woman can be (or appear) — the Flawless Queen Bey. :)

      Also, I keep thinking, you know that theological question: “how many angels can fit on the head of a pin?” I keep wondering how many Beyoncés can fit on the head of a cock? :)

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