Jan 082014
 

submissive says: on submission and inevitable endings

(J responds to reader questions)


Q: Knowing your relationship with DD will end when you move to the west coast, and that it isn’t at some nebulous point indefinitely far down the road, are you doing anything differently to embrace what you have while you have it, and to make the most of it?
It seems like DD is being conscious of not denying herself the pleasures that your limited remaining time together affords the two of you.
Congratulations on whatever professional development it is that is taking you far away from her, and condolences that it is taking you so far away from her. ~ Neophyte
To say this has been and continues to be an intense relationship would be a ridiculous understatement. It has also been quite different from others that have come before. From observation and experience, I know BDSM dynamics often ‘flame out’. They burn hot and quickly burn out in ways that often leave people scorched and bitter. Other times, they ‘fizzle out’ for the same-old-tired mundane reasons as many vanilla relationships.
Neither of those things has happened.
Instead, D took what was offered, and was quick to ask if there was any more. Every time I have turned over some new part of myself, or exposed a vulnerability, D has been the perfect mixture of thoughtful, loving compassion and aggressive, wanton indulgence. D’s intellectual and emotional intelligence rest upon a foundation of integrity and honesty: all of those things are a big part of why I am honored to be her boy.
In order to remain worthy of that role, ‘giving more’ is not an option; it’s a necessity. (I am certain that both selfishness and submission are tangled up somewhere in that last proposition.)
The deeper I go in my submission, the better and more intense things are. It seems foolish to hold back simply because we know the end is near. Last I checked, the inevitability of endings is universal to the human condition.
I am not the slightest bit religious, but I do admire Zen philosophy. Tomorrow, I might be sad, or it might be the next day. I will not cheat myself of sadness when it arrives. But I am happy now, and I wont cheat myself of happiness either.
P.S. Many thanks on the congratulations and the condolences.
j avatar

featured image derived from “Zen Stones” by Undeadstawa, licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-SA 3.0)

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