Jan 022014
 

Year in Review

Pop Culture Malapropisms & Mix-ups: Part 2

(Part 1 – #6, #5, and #4 – is here)

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#3: Mario Batali | Marion Bartoli


selected bartoli tweetsIn July, the interwebz was all a-Twitter with variations on “you’re fat… fat fat fat fat fat” and suggestions: “there’s your plate, now get back in the kitchen and make everyone a sandwich.” But why Bartoli? Of all people in all professions, why the fuck would anyone fat-shame a celebrity chef?

People tweeted their support and wrote articles about how we should judge people on their professional achievements rather than their weight, and why we shouldn’t sexualize public bodies or expect public figures to be sex symbols.

batali bartoli plateI’m in favor of all of those things… but for this guy? Seriously? He wears bright orange crocs and he’s about as sexual as a lima bean. I mean, sure, he’s a public figure, but I was shocked that his rotund appearance overshadowed his numerous wins as an Iron Chef.

And then I realized my error.
Mario Batali = spherical celebrity chef (Iron Chef)
Marion Bartoli = fat-shamed tennis pro (Wimbledon champion).

In hindsight, I understand my confusion. I’m no fan, but I’m way more familiar with Iron Chef than I am with professional tennis. Besides that, Mario Batali is somewhat known for his weight (he broke a bed on live television), and Marion Bartoli is frequently photographed with a giant plate… which is something you might expect from a chef.

mario batali marion bartoli

#2: Dzhokhar Tsarnaev | Daenerys Targaryen


In April, on Twitter I learned that some melanin-challenged chick from Game of Thrones set off a fuck-ton of bombs at the Boston Marathon. I mean, I knew it wasn’t actually a character from the television show — I figured it was some obsessed fan who had some sort of a mental break, took up the identity of one of the characters, and decided to blow shit up.

Turns out it wasn’t the dragon chick from Game of Thrones, but some domestic terrorist with the same first and last initial and similarly confusing syllabic breaks. It was more fire-bombing terrorist than fire-breathing dragon. Daenerys Targaryen Dzhokhar Tsarnaev

#1: NARAL | NAMBLA


On June 25th, Texas state Senator Wendy Davis filibustered for 11 hours to kill a bill that would have implemented the most stringent abortion restrictions in the United States.

It was one of the most exciting political moments I’ve experienced in my lifetime. My ‘participation,’ and more meaningful material participation was made possible by the live stream from the Texas chamber and real-time Tweeting by AP reporting from Austin. Watching the events unfold was fucking riveting (and maddening!) and I got wrapped up in following the coverage (and ridiculousness), tweeting my arguments and analysis of Texas Senate rules of order.

In the days that followed, I watched the coverage, newly enamored with Senator Wendy Davis, the protests, and the civic participation she inspired — I even donated to her campaign fund.

But then my unabashed devotion came to a screeching halt… for the life of me, I couldn’t understand why Wendy Davis was welcoming the support of such a disgusting organization. Before this, I didn’t think NAMBLA was real — I thought it was a South Park joke.

I kept reading, wondering if my campaign donation just went to some crazy person who welcomed the support of the “North American May/Boy Love Association…

And then I realized I had confused NAMBLA and NARAL, which isn’t something you should do.

NARAL NAMBLA
 
Yeah. Those aren’t the same. Dumb Domme regrets the error. I regret all the errors… (and in advance, I regret all future errors).

 

  7 Responses to “pop culture malapropisms and mix-ups (part 2)”

  1. Being a great admirer of your intellect and wit, I have to say that your mental malapropisms just crack me up. I tend to stay out of pop culture issues, so your delightful take on events I had little knowledge of is a fun way to learn about what the general populace focused on (for 15 minutes) during 2013.

    I think I need to subscribe to your tweets. Then I can get delightfully confused right along with you.

  2. LOL on the Doc Martens.

    I didn’t know they had a particular brand name. Here they’re simply known as “paratrooper boots” (Springerstiefel), and they are not (as far as I know) popular with lesbians, but with far right or left wing radicals. The anarchists wear them with red boot laces and the fascists wear them with white boot laces.

    I have no idea if wearing them with red-white-and-blue laces will help you spot members of the Tea Party, or die-hard rednecks, but it might be worth suggesting it to them, so you can spot them at a distance and avoid them.

    • Here they’re simply known as “paratrooper boots” (Springerstiefel), and they are not (as far as I know) popular with lesbians, but with far right or left wing radicals. The anarchists wear them with red boot laces and the fascists wear them with white boot laces.

      That’s kind of awesome and suprisingly codified. :) Paratrooper boots? We used to call them “shitkickers” in high school.

      help you spot members of the Tea Party, or die-hard rednecks, but it might be worth suggesting it to them, so you can spot them at a distance and avoid them

      If I ever wear them (which I won’t, ever), I’ll wear them with light-up shoelaces. :)

  3. Another simply brilliant post. The account on boots and laces got me recalling a fascinating slice of historic Dominatrix activity in old time Berlin, especially where Their boots were used to signal what services were available:

    Black boots: buttocks cropping (lying on bed).
    Brown boots: asphyxiation by boot or stockinged foot.
    Cobalt blue boots: forced feminization; penetration by female.
    Lacquered gold boots: bound feminization; physical torture.
    Poisonous green boots: psychological enslavement.
    Brick red boots: buttocks flagellation (tied to bed or cross).
    Scarlet boots: forced feminization; transvestite humiliation.
    Black laces: punishment with a short whip.
    Gold laces: defecation on chest.
    Maroon laces: verbal humiliation.
    White laces: collared like a dog.
    White ribbons on top of boots: a roleplay scenario in which the male customer begins as the dominant figure and ends as the submissive party.

    http://kryz.tumblr.com/post/1637892850/different-types-of-outdoor-prostitutes-in-weimar-era

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