J translates subspeak for those of us who aren’t fluent.
Q: My question is for both D and J (if that is ok). Recently my sub has requested that I become “more demanding and selfish” with my power. What exactly does he mean by this? ~ anonymous
Here’s my take. Without meaning to be rude, I think the request is pretty straight forward. Your submissive wants you to become “more demanding and selfish” with your power. What could be more clear? All of it? Well, I can see how that ‘request’ could be read a few different ways.
Reading his intent charitably: perhaps it really was meant as an affirmation of your position. Or maybe he is unable to articulate his real desire — his true desire — that you enjoy the fullness and depth of your power over him in this particular dynamic. Or maybe…
Ah, fuck it.
Look, odds are, he wants you to perform like the bitchy latex covered porn-ofied “dominatrixes” he’s been jerking off to on the free sex tubes.* The subtext of “please be more demanding and selfish” often means “could ya squeeze into some rubber, then bark expletives while sodomizing me when I fail to take out the trash? (but only when I’m in the mood!)” Not that there’s anything wrong with fantasies. And maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he’s just worried you are ‘holding back’ or something.
However, in my humble opinion, generally, a submissive attempting to ‘transform’ who their dominant is as a person is doomed to fail, especially if they succeed. – Unless you really like the idea and were just waiting for him to ask, nay plead, so you could become his ice queen. Were you?
*For the record, I’m not being holier than thou here. D allows me to watch porn, and I enjoy more than my fair share of it. The fact I am not allowed to watch porn without the content being monitored is fucking hot! Even hotter is her disapproval of my masturbating without supervision. Not that she cares what I think. Which again, is fucking hot! Talking in circles like these is an exercise I don’t much mind.