Nov 032013
 

I haven’t lived a hard life, but I have endured my fair share of pain — physical, mental, emotional, and maybe even spiritual (if I were sure such a thing existed).

Much of the physical pain I’ve experienced was the consequence of injuries suffered in my very active teens and twenties. I’ve dislocated knees and shoulders, broken bones, and at some point I stopped keeping count of stitches. Over the years, I’ve been relocated, reset, fused, stapled, sewn, and screwed (six titanium screws hold parts of me together).

The emotional injury (the most egregious) came courtesy of one of the worst traumas a woman can endure. I survived, but not unscathed. Besides invisible scars that still aggravate me on occasion, it’s now little more than part of my history, a part I’m neither proud of nor ashamed of. I’m neither a survivor nor a victim. It didn’t make me, and it didn’t break me — it’s just a thing that happened a long, long time ago.

As for enduring the mental hardships that accompany enduring, I’ve made the necessary (but difficult) choices that facilitate growing up and growing wiser. I’ve had to figure out what I need to live (for), and what I can’t live without, and what I want and what I want more. Years ago, I slept inside my car for several months when forced to choose between paying rent and paying my tuition. The situation was hardly life-threatening, but it was certainly unpleasant and unsettling.

I’ve survived broken hearts and bruised egos (my own and others), wounded pride, the loss of self, and the loss of those I’ve loved. Though broken hearts can heal, they’re bound to break again — dealing with the discomfort of pain I know is coming is harder than I imagined. And besides all of that, I still fight with often conflicting emotions and an intermittently faulty brain.


So yes, I’ve known pain.

But never like this.

It’s intense and almost too much to endure.

After so much worry & discussion, so much fear & trepidation, the irony alone is almost too much for me to bear.

Despite my care and consideration, it happened anyway…

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I razor burned my taint.

It hurts.
Good god… it fucking hurts.

  19 Responses to “pain”

  1. Oh, my. You came to the intersection of femdom and fail and sped off down Fail Boulevard this time.

    • You came to the intersection of femdom and fail and sped off down Fail Boulevard this time.

      You are incorrect, sir. The failure actually happened at the intersection of ‘vaginal opening’ and ‘anus.’ :)

  2. I do *SO* wish that there was something I could do, or say that would make it any easier, but I know that life doesn’t go that way. I also know that I can even say “I understand”, because I truly don’t. Our circumstances, as well as our pain are such an individual thing. I will also spare you advice and platitudes as well because I know that you’re probably not looking for either of them, nor do I think that it would be helpful.

    However, if there does come a time that you ever want or need to talk, vent, yell, or just chat about our favorite “Wait, Wait, Don’t tell Me” moments, I’m only a tweet, or email away, and I’m not going anywhere.

    All the best to you, my friend, and as many *hugs* as you need,

    Stephen

  3. Understandable pain. Shaving in that region is the worst, even though I’m male and all. There simply isn’t any “safe” way of doing it, and nor a comfortable and visually efficient position to be in. It’s just awful, but the success of the act is truly a warm comfort.

    I would seriously consider a semi-permament hair removal (laser). It might just be worth it.

    Fucking hair. How I would have loved to only have it on my head and above my eyes. All else can go and fuck itself.

    • I would seriously consider a semi-permament hair removal (laser). It might just be worth it.

      I wish I could say I didn’t care enough to consider laser treatment… But if I did I be lying.

      All else can go and fuck itself.

      Well said. :)

  4. LOL.. should have taken my advice and made him do it! At least then, you’d have someone else to blame!

    Ice packs… seriously… Ice packs!

  5. I think as a general rule the things that cause us pain, certainly physical pain but even emotional pain tend to creep up on us all of a sudden. They are not scheduled or anticipated. Maybe not knowing they are coming in some ways make them easier to deal with. It becomes a crisis management situation, but when they are anticipated, such as they are for you now, maybe the dread, the waiting for it to actually happen makes the coping that much more challenging.

    Not words to help, I am not sure there any any, just some thoughts on the matter

    Mollyxxx

    • Thank you for your kind words, Molly.

      While everything I wrote above the line is absolutely true, and I appreciate your sweet response, I wonder if you read all the way to the end of this post? ;)

      (and now I actually feel a little guilty about the twist ending) :)

  6. So, being a filthy foreigner, I had to google this to comprehend.
    Luckily the urban dictionary provided me with an accurate description.
    I almost suffocated from excessive laughter.

    I salute you for you are a genius blog writer.

    • I almost suffocated from excessive laughter.

      I take great joy in knowing that others can laugh at my pain. :)

      (and thanks for the compliment about the blog, Odin.)

  7. And Mr. J’s deft fingers and daub of Neosporin?

  8. Woman, you slay me! I had my hand to my mouth in horror as I read your tale, anticipating the worst.
    I had to read the punch line (or should I call it the burn line) twice before I understood it. Then, I must confess, I laughed out loud. Yes, there’s something wrong with me – I laughed at another woman’s pain.
    But it will not have been in vain! I have learned my lesson. No more razors for me. I say we all take Slavenized up on his offer to have us lasered. He did offer to pay, yes? Lol
    But seriously, Wicked Maggie is right, cool it off before you put ointment on. Though cool soft washcloths will do. Or, even better, have J suck on an ice cube then lick it (gently). Mmmmm. Sign me up for that!

    • I laughed at another woman’s pain

      Ha! I would have laughed too… I mean, if it had happened to someone other than me. :)

      I say we all take Slavenized up on his offer to have us lasered.

      Hmm…. I don’t know about that. I’ve had enough readers who didn’t like me that I’d be afraid of letting any of them take a laser to my ass. :)

      (Though Slavenized has been nothing but sweet, for the record… he’s not one of those readers.)

  9. Time to update the “How to Shave Your Asshole” blog, or maybe a new “How Not to Shave Your Asshole” blog is in order. Either way, sorry about your partial episiotomy.

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