Nov 302013
 
Q: How do you deal with a bratty sub?
I don’t.

I don’t enjoy bratty behavior from spoiled children, obnoxious teenagers, entitled cats, or immature adults, and I certainly don’t enjoy ‘bratty’ behavior from a partner.

The idea of a partner acting like brat as some sort of role-play game is immensely distasteful to me. The whole *giggles*  *grins*  *tee hee*  *wiggles bum*  thing isn’t cute. That’s just me, though. Plenty of people enjoy it, but I don’t. I really, really don’t…. it makes me want to punch you in the face and tell you to grow the fuck up.

If being ‘bratty’ isn‘t part of a role playing game — if the ‘brattiness’ is genuine — then ‘brat’ = ‘immature asshole’, right?

Honestly, I find it difficult to tell whether people are role-playing, exaggerating ‘flirtatiously,’ manipulatively deploying behaviors, or whether they’re really just genuine ‘brats’ (assholes). Lucky for me, the distinctions make no difference. I don’t enjoy people who role-play being assholes, people who exaggerate their asshole-ness, people who strategically deploy asshole-like behaviors, or genuine, honest-to-goodness assholes.

I don’t enjoy those sorts of power games — I won’t ‘make’ you, ‘tame’ you, or ‘conquer’ you… because you aren’t a child, a lion, or an invading army. If a potential submissive wants to be treated like a child, a lion, or an invading army, then he should look elsewhere.

I’m a grown-ass woman with a career and a mortgage.

And if I’m fucking someone with any regularity, it’s safe to assume he’s a grown-ass man with communication skills adequate enough to tell me what he needs rather than acting like an asshole.

If he wants attention, he can ask for it. If he has a problem, he should tell me.

But if he’s into being tamed or forced, or if he’s into role-play, then he out of luck, because I’m not going ‘deal with’ bratty behavior.

On second thought, if you’re really into role-play, then we might be able to work something out. I can pretend I’m the big bad domina who wants to take advantage of you. I’ll tie you down and enjoy your body and kiss your mouth… and then I’ll tease your cock and ride your face until I’m satisfied and you’re absolutely desperate and begging for release… and… wait… okay, I’m not sure that’s technically role play, but… nevermind… you just lie down here and I’ll take care of the rest… mhmm-kay?

 

  11 Responses to “how do you deal with a bratty sub?”

  1. Your last paragraph is why some in a D/s relationship will be a “brat” on occasions……..

  2. Having had a past life as a bratty sub, I can agree that the brattiness comes from a lack of communication skills. You hit it on the nose. I didn’t know how to ask for a good ass whupping, so I provoked one.

    Better next time.

    • brattiness comes from a lack of communication skills. You hit it on the nose. I didn’t know how to ask for a good ass whupping, so I provoked one. Better next time.

      “Better next time” is the important part here. :) I certainly have my moments of immaturity, but I’m doing my best to be aware of them so I can take steps to correct my behavior (when I’m able, and to apologize when I’m not).

  3. uhm…I’m a giggler…but because I see hilarity in everything. I’m also a good communicator. HE makes me laugh, and laugh and laugh — our verbal repartee, if you will. Behind closed doors? I’m a good girl. Though–in the middle of things I’m prone to just giggling like a madwoman (endorphin release?) because I am just full of the bliss and joy that comes from being beaten and fucked. *shrugs* I don’t worry overmuch about it (the giggling)…because He likes to hear me laugh, and it is who I am. (not an asshole, really! All grown up. Able to ask for what I need –like the tit caning I asked for last week for our upcoming play time. Mortgage, kids, check. But still…there’s this giggle/laugh thing. Life is hard, often very serious. So I’d rather laugh at it. The D/s stuff is hard in a different way, but way more of a joy-bringing thing to counterbalance the rest of my day-to-day. This may not be what you meant at all–I’m thinking you mean subs that are constantly acting out for attention. But I’m just going to say it loud n proud…I’m nilla–and I giggle.

    :)

    • his may not be what you meant at all–I’m thinking you mean subs that are constantly acting out for attention. But I’m just going to say it loud n proud…I’m nilla–and I giggle.

      You’re absolutely right — I did mean subs who act out in order to get attention. I’m glad you’re out and proud about your giggling! I enjoy Nilla gigglers. :)

      (Also, the *giggles* *wiggles bum* think was more about written online communication than in person communication, FYI — it annoys the shit out of me when I see people doing that stuff on FL or Twitter. It shouldn’t, but it does)

      I’m a giggler…but because I see hilarity in everything. I’m also a good communicator. HE makes me laugh, and laugh and laugh — our verbal repartee, if you will. Behind closed doors? I’m a good girl. Though–in the middle of things I’m prone to just giggling like a madwoman (endorphin release?) because I am just full of the bliss and joy that comes from being beaten and fucked. *shrugs*

      I LOVE this! :) I also laugh, a lot. During play, during sex, during serious stuff when I probably shouldn’t laugh, etc. Oh, and also, I laugh like a crazy person after orgasm sometimes.

      I am incapable of playing it cool after orgasm … What I feel is pure joy — for the physical pleasure, for the emotional connection, and for him (seriously!) … Anyway, my orgasms, he deserves them, so when it happens, I’m anything but cool. Apparently, I express combination endorphine-rush-release-joy-delight through laughter. I laugh… a lot.
      from this: “Three Orgasms… Three!”

      He likes to hear me laugh, and it is who I am. (not an asshole, really! All grown up. Able to ask for what I need –like the tit caning I asked for last week for our upcoming play time. Mortgage, kids, check. But still…there’s this giggle/laugh thing.

      Yes to this! And this is the difference — while I have no patience for ‘bratty’ behavior, I adore the laughter, release, and joy that sometimes comes out of our play. I love it when J laughs. (Actually, I have a whole draft about it that I never finished) His laughter is something I feel like I earned — it’s just for me, it’s mine and I adore it.

      I love our playfulness, and I love being playful. It’s absolutely part of our dynamic that I enjoy, much the same as it sounds like it’s a special part of your dynamic with your partner.

      Thanks for the comment, Nilla. It made me happy! :)

      • You are so welcome, DD…and I thank you in return…I thought about your post (and about He and I and the laughs we share) a lot during this very crazed Thanksgiving weekend. You brought that to the fore for me, and I am so glad…and thankful…that you did.

        nilla :)

  4. Last week with the Thanksgiving holiday looming things were hectic. With all the planning for family and traveling, finalizing things at work for the days off, and shopping, the D/s aspect of our relationship took a bit of a back seat. In retrospect I also do see now that with the hectic pace of the holiday that moving forward I will and intend to do some things differently and work more D/s into the everyday leading up to the Christmas holiday.

    Now I will say the little flower is not so much bratty as she can be a bit sassy at times. By Friday morning her sassiness was showing through. Thankfully it was set in place prior that we were going to have some alone time to indulge in some play, which we did and I worked the sassy right out of her.

    Now I will also say that in everything she is very respectful but she does have a playful side. she is a very bright, intelligent woman albeit serious to a fault. One of the things I have done in our relationship is to work on getting her to relax and let her hair down. Hearing her giggle and laugh is like music to my ears and has nothing to do with her being bratty.

    For her she did have a problem asking for what she wanted, she would actually go the opposite of bratty and become very quiet, shy, and demure. That is another thing I have worked on with her and now she is much better at approaching me and again with respect be able to talk to me and tell me what she wants/needs.

    • Now I will say the little flower is not so much bratty as she can be a bit sassy at times. By Friday morning her sassiness was showing through. Thankfully it was set in place prior that we were going to have some alone time to indulge in some play, which we did and I worked the sassy right out of her.

      Sassy, bratty, or neither, it’s whatever works for the two people in the dynamic. For the record, if someone is bratty (or sassy) and it’s welcomed by both parties involved, that’s great. :) It’s just not something I enjoy.

      As for ‘sassy,’ there’s certainly shades of meaning here that probably aren’t productive to get into. But with that said, I enjoy my partner’s cojones — he’s got big brass ones — and I wouldn’t have him any other way. He’s a strong man with a strong personality, and I’m happier for it. And certainly, we’re both playful, and both have our moments when that playfulness tends more toward sarcasm.

      getting her to relax and let her hair down. Hearing her giggle and laugh is like music to my ears […] she would actually go the opposite of bratty and become very quiet, shy, and demure. That is another thing I have worked on with her and now she is much better at approaching me and again with respect be able to talk to me and tell me what she wants/needs.

      I enjoy the laughter, too. And working with your partner, where ever they are, is part of a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship. We’ve all got our shortcomings, and some of us are lucky enough to have partners that deal with them and help us grow out of them. :)

      Thanks for the comment, Southern Sir. :)

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