Nov 092013
 

BDSM-lollipops5 Of course, a bunch of kinky Russians developed a line of BDSM ‘inspired’ lollipops… because BDSM is just as trendy as cupcakes, vinyl, and ironic t-shirts these days. (How transgressive!)

Creative services agency, FIRMA, designed several concept lollipops for confectioner Chupa Chupa, under the brand name “SUCKER.” The lollipops look like various sex toys and insertables and come in ‘flavors’ such as ‘BDSM’, ‘Fetish’ and ‘Toys.’ (WTF does BDSM taste like? Do fetishes have a flavor? And ‘toy’ tastes like silicone, right?)

According to editor’s note on Sexual and Brutal (I have no idea what kind of website it is… it’s all in Russian and my Cyrillic is a little rusty):

“In the past all the slack to suck and lick, then now is the time to really suck on full display all the skills to deepthroat and honey mouth.”

Well that makes perfect fucking sense.

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Flavors available “for all greedy sucking functions” include Abuse (a refreshing cranberry), Mr. Pain (blueberry punishment), Asus (chocolate creme brulee trick), Trinity (triple freeze watermelon, raspberry, and banana), and Twins (unpredictable cherry… because cherries are unpredictable, right?).

 


I don’t think the Russians understand “punishment.”

SUCKER’S tagline is “The world’s first lollipops for adult girls and boys, who have no shame.” Come on, why isn’t ‘shame’ a flavor? ‘Shame’ tastes like dried come, last night’s vodka, and the impending struggle to get some nameless dude off your futon and out of your apartment. (Wait… no, that was college. Adult shame tastes like something else entirely.)

 

BDSM-lollipops2
Who hasn’t dreamed of sucking on anal beads… they taste like watermelon, raspberry and banana? Of course… as long as “tastes like watermelon, raspberry and banana” in Russian translates to “tastes like ass.”

 

BDSM-lollipops4
“There is no doubt that lollipop is a bold erotic symbol,” said Alex Malybaev, Director of FIRMA Agency.

In Soviet Russia, you no suck lollipop, lollipop sucks fucks you.

 


Images and quotes courtesy of FIRMA AGENCYSexual and BrutalSuckers Ad Campaign • FIRMA: Adult Sweets

  8 Responses to “BDSM inspired candy”

  1. This reminds me of a very disturbing piece by the artist Hans Bellmer:

    ‘Peppermint Tower in Honor of Greedy Little Girls (1942)’

    I can’t find a visual for it on the internet, but there’s a reproduction of it in Peter Webb’s book on The Erotic Arts

    Actually I suspect that Bellmer’s work borders on paedophilia which is why it makes me feel queasy.

  2. Somehow, this was completely not what I expected when I read the title of this post…

    …ya know, I’ve thought of using lollipops (and have used icepops) in play. But…this…
    Yeah, no words.

    • No words is right. You know somebody’s going to end up with a lollipop stuck in their ass.

      I wonder if they have a warning or hold harmless liability statement on their packaging. I bet they do… :)

  3. I hope the Trinity has a “choking hazard” warning on it… I’m freaking out at the possibility of that being sucked down the throat. I think we need a similar rule for lollipops as anal toys: must have flared base so as not to get sucked into the cavity and end up in ER.

    • I think we need a similar rule for lollipops as anal toys: must have flared base so as not to get sucked into the cavity and end up in ER.

      Um, yes, but how about just not putting lollipops in your ass? :)

  4. As always, you more than do justice to a perfectly mundane product that I would normally have no interest in. Well done!!! *round of applause*

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