Once upon a time there was a Q without an A. With the help of a beautiful and talented domme, a suitable A was found for Q… and they lived happily ever after. ~The End.
Right. :) I don’t identify as either.
The idea that a person must be either monogamous or polyamorous is a false dichotomy. Monogamy and polyamory aren’t the only two options from which to choose.
The existence of monogamy as a sociocultural practice isn’t something that can be agreed with or disagreed with. It exists. That’s a fact. I understand it’s the right choice for lots of people, and I think that’s great. But at this point in my life, I don’t identify as monogamous. It’s not the right identifier for me.
While monogamy is a widely-accepted sociocultural practice, I don’t believe we’re biologically programmed to be monogamous. I believe monogamy is a cultural institution, not a biological imperative.
I don’t think I’m not into monogamy. I know I’m not into it.
I’m not into monogamy because I have no desire to commit myself to one sexual partner at a time or be with the same sexual partner until the day I die.
My not identifying as monogamous has nothing to do with being busy. Implicitly, the question seems to suggest that monogamy is some sort of goal, that I might want it when I’m older, more settled in my career, and/or when I live a more ‘normal’ life. While I’m open to the possibility of change (I welcome it — I hope to always grow and evolve as a person), at this point in my life, monogamy isn’t a goal. It’s not something I want out of life.
When I was younger, I dreamed of having a dazzling career, fantastic friends, and a great partner. I never dreamed of making a commitment I might not want to keep, nor did I dream of fucking just one person for the rest of my life. I’m not looking for a forever partner.
Mongamous? Polyamorous? Monogamish?
Of course, the meanings of ‘monogamy’ and ‘polyamory’ are up for some debate. I won’t engage in that discussion here, but I will tell you how I define them in the context of my life and my relationships.
To me, monogamy is an exclusive intimate sexual/romantic relationship between two people, both of whom have agreed to forgo romantic love, sex, and affection with anyone other than their partner. Further, the way I understand it, monogamy is only monogamy if it’s practiced by both partners. As soon as one partner has a sexual/romantic with someone else, the relationship is no longer monogamous.
I’m not monogamous because I have sexual relationships with people other than my primary partner.
Polyamory is a bit more complex, but in my mind, it’s having intimate, sexual/romantic relationships with more than one person (with the awareness and consent of all parties involved).
I’m not polyamorous because I don’t form intimate romantic or emotional relationships with other sex partners.
Instead, I embrace Dan Savage’s concept of ‘monogamish,’ wherein a couple retains emotional intimacy, but leaves their relationship open to sexual intimacy with other partners. For me, it’s all about the emotional intimacy. I may be sexually intimate with other partners, but I’m only emotionally intimate with my primary partner. In short, I’m with J, but sometimes I have sex with other people.
At this particular moment, however, I’m not involved with other sex partners. That’s not because I’ve committed to being monogamous with J, but because any other sex partner would take away from the time I have to spend with J before he leaves.