I read an article on Flavorwire a few months back titled “Authors on the Importance of Writing the Final Chapter First.” Edgar Allen Poe, Margaret Mitchell, and John Irving all knew how their novels would end before they sat down to write the first chapter.
While I didn’t disclose it here on the blog until this past summer, I’ve always known how my relationship with J would end (assuming we didn’t fizzle out or break up first). I’ve known since the beginning, since before we even started.
J needs to be on the west coast — it’s part of who he is and what he wants out of life. For that reason, I’ve always understood J would leave, I just didn’t know when.
Now I know.
I know when J is leaving.
Not twenty four hours after I wrote that “it looks more and more like he’ll be sticking around a while” (in my musings on the two year anniversary of Dumb Domme,) J got the news that he’ll be leaving. We don’t know the exact date, but we know the month.
The good news is that I’ll have him for more than six months. The bad news is that I’ll lose him less than a year from now.
For the time being, I’m not going to disclose the month publicly. I suspect revealing specifics would turn this blog into more of a ‘countdown to goodbye’ than what it’s been and what it should be — an account of a beautifully flawed, ridiculously hot, sometimes laugh-inducing, deeply meaningful relationship between the boy and I. It’s an account of what we are, and I love what we are. Everything that’s here is about a girl who loves a boy, and about a boy who loves a girl, and about a girl and boy who love bondage, sadomasochism, teasing, and toys. ;)
When this thing with him and I started, spending more than six months together seemed an unlikely scenario — I didn’t think we were that compatible. But somewhere along the line, we became something. Now, with a few years behind us, the time ahead seems like nothing at all. When it runs out, it won’t have been enough.
Until then, I imagine things with us will be much the same as they have been, with the exception of occasional sad reflections, possible moments of misdirected anger, and perhaps a few more melancholy ramblings from me.
As of now — as of right this moment — I’m okay.
In fact, I’m better than okay. :) I’m happy and I’m in love with an amazing man I never dreamed I’d find, a man I never knew existed.
He’s leaving, yes. But for now, he’s mine.
While I know how the story will end, even as the clock runs down, I can’t help but be grateful for my good fortune in finding this boy, this love, and this happiness. It’s all mine for now, and I intend to make good use of it while I can. :)
More on The Inevitable Ending…
|two years (leaving)
Here’s what I haven’t said. What I haven’t ever admitted is that J has always been leaving… [read more]
I’ve always known that J would leave, so I can’t say it’s a surprise. It isn’t. But it is… [read more]
|costs vs. benefits
Someday (soon), he’ll move across the country. He will leave and I won’t go with him… [read more]