Aug 042013
 

 

During a sex/play break, we had a deep conversation on the topic of ‘titty fucking.’

To the best of my recollection, this is that conversation…


 

There is one kinda vanilla thing we haven’t done yet that I want to try…
dd flirty smiley icon
…you want me to come on your face?
j hopeful smiley icon
If you ever, EVER ejaculate on my face, I will fucking cut you.
dd angry smiley icon
     …anal?
j hopeful smiley icon
Huh? We do anal all the time…?
dd confused smiley icon
              …
j smug smiley icon
Oh… On me? Oh hell no! Bwahahaha!
dd hilarious smiley icon
Um… titty fucking?
j hopeful smiley icon
Did you just say ‘titty fucking’?! Nobody likes titty fucking.
dd smiley icon
Some people like titty fucking.
j assertive smiley icon
Some people? Ok. Let me rephrase. Women don’t like titty fucking. Women might say they like titty fucking, but no woman likes titty fucking. Titty fucking hurts like a motherfucker…
Do you know why titty fucking hurts like a mofo? Because you have to smash your tits together.
Do you know why you have to smash your tits together? Because tits don’t have a hole to fuck… because YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO FUCK TITS.
You know what else sucks about ‘titty fucking’? The whole time you’re smashing your tits together to make them fuckable, there’s a cock rushing at your face…. over and over again. The cock head pops out…HELLO!… and disappears… it pops out…HELLO!… and disappears. And every time it pops out, you wince because it’s threatening to come ON YOUR FACE.
You know what that’s like? It’s the sexual equivalent of “I’m not touching you.” Remember when you were a kid and some other douchebag kid put his finger in your face and said “I’m not touching you! I’m not touching you!”? It’s just like that… and it sucks… and women don’t like it.
dd rage smiley icon
I still think some women like it.
j smug smiley icon
Ok. Fine. Let’s see if you like it when I strap on and fuck your balls…
dd evil smiley icon.
   … ??? …
j confused smiley icon
Exactly! Balls don’t have a hole, so how can you fuck balls? Well, I’ll tell you how you fuck balls. You fuck balls the same way you fuck tits.
I’m going to strap on and lay my cock right between your testicles, and then you’re going to smash your testicles together around my cock and create enough pressure so that I can fuck your balls and get off.
Since I can’t ejaculate on your face, at the moment I come, I’m going to squeeze five or six condiment packets into your face to approximate the sensation. You won’t know when it’s coming, so just be prepared for that.
And the whole time this is happening — you painfully squeezing your balls together, waiting for me to ‘ejaculate’ ketchup packets into your face — I expect you to act like this ball-fucking is the hottest thing in the world… because men LOVE ball-fucking, right?!
dd evil smiley icon
So… you don’t want to try titty fucking?
j disappointed smiley icon
No… I do not want to try titty fucking.
dd frustrated smiley icon

 


All images courtesy of LazyCrazy at DeviantArt. Some images have been adapted from the originals, “Very Emotional Emoticons” 1 and 2.

 

  56 Responses to “titty fucking”

  1. Once again, I’m dying over here.
    I particularly like the ketchup packets.

    I have never claimed to my husband that I enjoy titfucks BUT I do enjoy him getting off and me getting to do absolutely nothing. For me it isn’t painful simply because, well, I have great tits for this sort of thing, 38F’s. I don’t have to do much, it’s not like the sex equivalent of a mammogram for me. It’s not something we do often, but it’s something I’ve let him do when I’m say, bleeding and the blowjob is threatening blue balls (since he knows how much I do not like come in my mouth, a blowjob doesn’t lead to orgasm for him because of the tiny niggling anxiety he has that he won’t be able to warn me in time).

    • I do enjoy him getting off and me getting to do absolutely nothing.

      I get this. :) Hopefully, we’re all interested in indulging our partners in one way or another.

      For me it isn’t painful simply because, well, I have great tits for this sort of thing, 38F’s

      This, I do not get. I’m sporting a 32DD as we speak, but on the very few occasions I’ve been… god I hate this term… titfucked, it still hurt like a bitch!

      I still had to smash them together. Um… larger breasts don’t just stay upright when you lie down… they sort of lie down too. :) And even if they did stick straight up in the air, you still have to apply a little pressure to get the dude to come (as mercifully soon as possible).

      it’s not like the sex equivalent of a mammogram for me.

      Ha! Funny you mentioned this. I actually mentioned ‘mammograms’ while I was ranting to J. I said it was like having a mammogram… only on both tits at the same time… and with a cock shoved in between them. I think he sort of zoned out then, so I took a different approach and tried to get him to imagine ball-fucking instead. :) I think that made a bit more sense to him (strangely).

  2. I am going to have to direct a few people to your example/counter argument… I’ve not the faintest idea why men think some women LIKE it… hilarious post!

    • I hate to blame porn… but I’m going to anyway.

      My guess is that men have seen it in porn, and porn actresses seem to enjoy it… so…

      And I blame myself, too. Certainly, I pretended to enjoy it when it happened, in part because I wanted him to enjoy it. But, that was in my early 20s, when I still thought blowjobs were a nice way to say hello and I really wanted everyone to like me…

      Those days are over. :)

  3. Titty fucking!!??… That particular concept had never even crossed my mind… I feel like such a fucking noob!… I mean, who’d a thunk of such a thing! I never did!

    Irrespective of who does, or doesn’t actually like it, it never occurred to me that anyone would even think about doing it. I’m so glad your blog is here because I am now “officially” slightly less ignorant than I was before I came here… (heh… Titty fucking! Gonna have to google that)

  4. This post literally made me laugh out loud so much the dog was giving me a confused look. :D

    I will say that I have done some titfucking in the past. I also have enormous boobs. I believe I had G cups the last time I did it. I really do think size matters. I had tried it a few times with slightly smaller boobs (DD and also E) and it was much easier and not painful at all the bigger I got. At DD it kinda did feel a bit like what I assume a mammogram would feel like. At G, toss some lube in there and it was completely painless. Also, at G I don’t see the head unless the guy is ginormous. And to top it all off, my preferred way to do it is to have them tied to a chair and kinda wrap my boobs around them. That way I don’t have them sitting on me, which I rather dislike.

    Now, with all that being said, it’s not my favorite sexual thing to do. I wouldn’t say I hate it. But I wouldn’t say I like it either. I would say that I can enjoy how much someone else gets off on it and I can *really* enjoy teasing someone who enjoys titfucking. (Really bad name. We need a new name for this.)

    • And to top it all off, my preferred way to do it is to have them tied to a chair and kinda wrap my boobs around them. That way I don’t have them sitting on me, which I rather dislike.

      Oh! When I first read your comment, I thought you meant you prefer to have your boobs tied to a chair! And then I couldn’t figure out what was sitting on you if you were already tied to a chair! Whew… I’m glad I misread you. :)

      Also, I wonder about the whole size/sensation thing. Is there anything to suggest that women with larger breasts have less sensation (in their breasts/nipples) than women with smaller breasts?

      I can *really* enjoy teasing someone who enjoys titfucking. (Really bad name. We need a new name for this.)

      I can certainly understand enjoying the tease.

      Also, YES. We need a new name for this… ‘titfucking’ makes me cringe.

      • There might be a link between lack of sensation for larger breasts in most women. I don’t have that. AT. ALL. I can actually orgasm from nipple stimulation alone. (TMI, I know) My boobs are really sensitive. I am certainly not complaining about this! Also, I certainly don’t want any part of me tied to anything! I should have specified I want my partner tied to a chair, not my boobs!

  5. Lola begs me to tit fuck her frequently. She also loves when men cum on her face. Go figure.

  6. If I recall correctly, I’ve tried it exactly once. Didn’t care for it myself (and the breasts in question were small). Too much of the wrong kind of friction. I also curve down — that may have been part of the problem.

    I was too inexperienced and ignorant to get a feel (NPI) for what the woman thought about it.

  7. OMG you are too funny. :)

    Excellent post. (I don’t recall ever being tit fucked, or my Master ever bringing it up. (He’d WAAAY rather bite tits, and save the fucking for anal play.)

    nilla

    • Thanks, Nilla.

      I don’t recall ever being tit fucked, or my Master ever bringing it up.

      Well, perhaps you two will need to try it once to see what all the fuss is about. If you do, be sure to weigh in! ;)

  8. Hahahaha

    Trying having C cups. I can’t even push the fuckers together enough for it to be a possibility! ;)

  9. I never comment although I do love your blog, but I just have ask: what was that ‘kinda vanilla thing’ that preceded this deep discussion on titty fucking?????

    • I never comment although I do love your blog,

      Thanks for the compliment and thanks for leaving a comment. :) I often wonder about people who read and never say hello. (BTW, hello!)

      but I just have ask: what was that ‘kinda vanilla thing’ that preceded this deep discussion on titty fucking?????

      I was wondering if/when someone would ask!

      Unfortunately, I can’t say because I haven’t told J yet. :)

      My over-excited rant ended with him in fits of laughter and me feigning disapproval at his finding humor in my explanations. And then my feigned disapproval gave way to feigned ‘punishment’ and we were back into ‘play’ mode before I got a chance to tell him.

      I’ll let him know at some point, and then I can update you all… but I promise, it’s not very exciting. :)

      • i was reading all the comments to find out the vanilla thing! darnit!

        hilarious though. i’ve yet to try being on the receiving end of fucking a boobtube… however i get the feeling i’d like it simply for the fact i like torturing my girlies. however, i probably won’t ever try it because cocks aren’t my thaang, haha.

  10. The whole conversation made me smile
    great imagery
    Ive never asked my wife to do it …. too much like hard work for both of us …and life’s too short when there are so many other (sexual) pleasures to enjoy

    • Thanks, Steve. :)

      Yes. While I do realize some people enjoy it, there are far too many other things I’m interested in to waste time on things I don’t enjoy.

  11. Yeah, I’ve done it…it wasn’t ever painful and I’ve always been a D or DD cup. That being said, when I HAVE done it (in the distant, murky past), I was in control of it, not him. That might make a difference. Also let me stop and move on to something else long before he was ready to ejaculate.

    The condiment packets though…you crack me up!

    • That being said, when I HAVE done it (in the distant, murky past), I was in control of it, not him.

      I can imagine that makes a bit of difference. Also, I think I’d call what you’re describing (and what anonymous described) more like “teasing with tits” than titty fucking. Then again, I think about all of this stuff WAY too much.

      Pass the ketchup packets, please? :)

  12. There are women who like it. Trust.

    • I’m sure there are, just as I’m sure there are men who would enjoy a good ball-fucking. :) (Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Show of hands, please…)

      With that said, I didn’t really mean to argue that no woman ever enjoys tit-fucking… it was more of a rant on why lots of women don’t (and the reasons why they wouldn’t).

      It’s just an example of the strange conversations we have during sex/play… and proof that I’m prone to ridiculousness and rants… both online and off. :)

  13. I’m fine with titfucking as people above have described — once in a while, an enjoyable way for my partner to go to town while requiring very little of me. (for the person who hasn’t tried it — lots of lube or grease on the boobies!) And nobody’s ever come on my face that way (upper chest, definitely), and I like the view of the little penis head appearing and disappearing. Holding up my breasts doesn’t bother me at all. My partner says it feels really good too. Doing it all the time would be boring, but I would be surprised if anyone does that…wait, I take that back. Someone somewhere must have a major fetish for it.

    But if it hurt me, even a little, I would not be interested in it at all. Even if I had to crouch over my partner that would be annoying enough to put me off. And in fact, if there were no shower available I would skip it because the thing I like least about it is the messy feeling on my chest.

    • I like the view of the little penis head appearing and disappearing.

      I don’t mind cock in my face, in my mouth, or (almost) anywhere else (not between my tits, of course)… but for some reason, I swear whenever I’ve been tit-fucked, all I can think of is “I’m not touching you! I’m not touching you!”

      That alone would ruin the moment for anyone… (I think!) :)

  14. I’m crushed. I take great umbrage at your analogy of the “five or six condiment packets” (and ketchup at that !). While mayo or Horsey sauce packets might have come off as more consistent with your simile, I would have no doubt found them equally unpalatable. I am mortified. Before you even think to respond let me just say we don’t need a volley ball match over this. I personally, for myself, would never even suggest titty fuckin. Just so you know.

    • I had to look up “Horsey sauce.” I assumed it had something to do with Guy Fieri, but I was mistaken. Apparently, he developed the recipe for ‘donkey sauce’, not “horsey sauce.”

      I wonder, with whatever sort of self/class conception that allows you to look down your nose at condiment packets, how do you know what “Horsey sauce” is?

      How, indeed.

  15. Hahahaha I love you.

  16. Oh God, I laughed so hard I nearly peed myself…the sexual equivalent of “I’m not touching you” – fucking hilarious!!! And so damn true!

  17. Uhm…but…I like titty fucking. <.< I'm always odd (wo)man out.

    Despite that, this is absolutely hilarious.

    • @Rayne: In this particular case, it seems like being the odd woman out puts you in a very desirable minority! While lots of women don’t enjoy ‘titty fucking,’ LOTS of men do. :)

  18. OMG! This is fucking brilliant! I laughed so hard I nearly banged My head on the laptop!!! LOVED IT!

    Brilliant! Just brilliant!

  19. This made me laugh all over the place, although I don’t have, by any stretch of the imagination, a chest that would allow this (it’s very modest!) so can’t comment either way on the sensation. I can tell you, however, that I will never look at a condiment packet in quite the same way again!

  20. I don’t even.. oh man. Ha!

  21. I fucking adore you! Just found your blog today and haven’t moved from the sofa in an hour.

    • Thanks, MissKatie!

      I’m glad I’ve made you sofa-bound and sedentary :) Hopefully, it’s for all the right reasons… though I suspect I’m like a train-wreck (in that you’re mildly horrified, but can’t look away).

      I’m an adorable trainwreck… right? :)

  22. Very funny. The term itself should be banned. The word titty should be banned. I’d rather be titfucked than have my breasts referred to as titties.

    Now, despite huge boobs – the smallest I ever was was D and that was long time ago – I don’t like titfucking – boring and a bit painful. BUT I love love love rubbing cock and feeling cum on my nipples. So a bit of a tradeoff here sometimes.

    • Very funny. The term itself should be banned. The word titty should be banned. I’d rather be titfucked than have my breasts referred to as titties.

      I cannot agree with you more. I don’t mind the word “tit” so much (I certainly don’t love it), but “titty” should be banned forever and always. It’s a horrible word. HORRIBLE! Ugh.

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