Today’s reader question comes from Ermegarde Farnsworth from Yonkers, New York. Okay, fine, it was anonymous, but I’ve always liked the name “Ermengarde” — maybe it’s because I was forced to watch Hello Dolly! as a child…
See what you’ve done? Now you’ve gone and given me an opportunity to reflect on what’s changed since J started reading. And worse, I feel compelled to give a recap for newer readers! *shakes fist wildly* You know I’m long-winded, right? You only have yourself to blame…
For newer readers, here’s the details on that. I didn’t tell J when I started writing the blog, and for a little over a year, he had no idea any of this existed. Fourteen months later, some information in my readership statistics made me suspect he had stumbled on it. After tracking his information against his habits (home vs. work access, when he’s awake vs. asleep), I was pretty sure he recognized himself as J and realized he was dating Dumb Domme. I called him out publicly (that was nerve-wracking, but fun!) and he responded (sweetly). While we don’t sit down and talk about it often, he checks in every day — I know he’s reading, and he knows I’m writing.
While what I write here isn’t intended for J’s eyes, but I write knowing he’ll read it at some point. For that reason, there are times I want to write about something, but I don’t… for just that reason, to avoid causing him confusing and creating awkwardness.
Sometimes I want to post about an issue that we’re having in the moment to ask for advice, but that seems unfair. For one, sometimes he doesn’t know about the issue yet — the advice I’m looking for is about how approach him. For two, posting about an issue that’s happening currently, even one he knows about, feels like I’m potentially asking readers to gang up on him. As much as I might try to present something fairly, I can’t help but write the issue from my perspective. Whatever I write is going to be biased in my favor, no matter how much I might be in the wrong.
Sometimes I really want to vent (blustery, hot, noisy, and exaggerated… in the moment sort of stuff), but posting that seems passive-aggressive — as if I’m communicating through the blog instead of communicating with him directly.
I often draft stuff while I’m venting, thinking that I’ll post it after the issue is resolved. But by the time the issue is resolved, I’m either not motivated to finish it, or it feels wrong to bring it back up (particularly in the blustery, angry, reactionary way it first appeared in my head). Meh. I’m frustrated just thinking about it. I have loads of abandoned drafts — thoughts that were important to me that I also think might resonate with others… but until I feel more comfortable or figure out how to present them faily, they’ll just collect dust. *sigh*
As for serendipity, there was one teeny-tiny thing, but it’s very minor. There might be others, but this is the only thing that comes to mind at the moment.
A few weeks ago, I posted this little contrast of sweetness and dumbfuckery from two submissive male flirty-friends. (J knows I have online friendships with other boys, but I don’t provide him with the details. I don’t think he wants details.) A week or so later, he was trying to cheer me up and jokingly offered to find one or both of them and arrange for an ‘unfortunate accident.’
He was kidding around, of course, but oddly (and sadly), it did cheer me up. As immature as it is, I like a little bit of measured jealousy in my men. His joking around was a way of telling me he’s aware I have other options — that I’m desirable — and more than that, it let me know he still wants me all to himself. I can’t help that the macho alpha-male-ass-kicking-type turns me on a little (in theory more than in practice…. hey, I already said it was immature… get off my back). Mmm… jealousy and machismo… I should write about that soon, shouldn’t I?
Have a Question?
I like silly questions: what would your Bond girl name be? do you prefer sausage links or patties? I like personal questions: would I go back to vanilla? do I ever fantasize about submitting? I like questions about D/s relationships, sex, and play: how do I get my wife to dominate me? is this dominant’s behavior normal? — I’m no expert, but I think I come up with some damn good advice.
If you’re going to ask for advice, be sure to provide relevant details (whether you’re in a relationship, what type of relationship, how long you’ve been in it, etc.)… otherwise, I can’t be sure that my response applies to you and your situation.