As an adjective for an individual or activity, ‘kinky’ is a dirty word, and not always in the good way. The term has negative connotations outside of sex-positive discourse communities to imply that people or practices are weird, perverted, or unhealthy. Even within sex-positive communities that embrace non-normative sexuality and expression, ‘kink’ can be a loaded term, particularly when used interchangeably with ‘fetish.’
So, when I was asked to write a guest post about one of my kinks for another blog, I was a little apprehensive.
Sure, kinks and fetishes are weird, but PIV vanilla sex is pretty fucking weird all by itself.
Writing about a specific kink in a guest post is like mentioning your kink when you meet someone for the first time: “Hi. I’m Dumb Domme and I’m sexually aroused by [fill in the blank]. Nice to meet you.”
Pardon the pun, but I don’t want to be pegged as someone who is preoccupied with strap-ons, or singularly focused on bondage, or far-too-interested floggers. I don’t want to be reduced to being just a sadist, a rope top, a butt plug collector, or even a dominant. I am more than my kinks.
You know that, and if you’re reading here, you probably feel the same way about your own kinks. But a new audience? They might not give me that chance. I might end up being that weird girl with a weird pseudonym who is into weird stuff. (Fuck, that is me, isn’t it? Dammit.)
Anyway, while I was considering it, I got to thinking about my favorite kinky experiences and what made them memorable, meaningful, or significant. Of course they were memorable because they were hot, but they were meaningful because of the emotions and the intimacy involved. Ultimately, realizing the connection between kink and intimacy is what convinced me to try writing about it — I wanted to communicate both the physical and emotional dimensions of my kink to an audience that might not be kinky.
I’m really pleased with the finished piece — it turned out to be as much about the kink as it is about the way it makes me feel, how it encourages intimacy, and how it’s an expression of my connection to my partner. I’ll let you know when it’s available (soon!).