Jun 092013
 

I’ve had two ‘suitors’ during my life on the web — boys who read the blog and were smitten with me (or my writing) enough to want to know more. They charmed me with their compliments, wit, and humor, and they’re both smart, interesting, and persistent enough to have sustained my interest.

Both boys were forthcoming about wanting to meet me to see if something developed — they were (are) interested in the possibility of a romantic or sexual relationship. At the same time, they acknowledge I’m in a relationship and they’ve been respectful of that. Both boys wanted to be friends anyway, even without the possibility of anything more.

And so, I’ve developed correspondence friendships with both.

While they are friendships, there’s also mutual attraction (both boys are hot), and sometimes talk gets flirty and sexy. Yes, I’m with J, but flirting with people is fun — I like the attention and I enjoy being wanted. As long as it isn’t disrespectful to my relationship with J, I see no harm in it. And more important than all the sexy, fun, flirty stuff, after corresponding for so long, I consider both boys friends.

A couple of weeks ago, I shared the bad news that J may be leaving soon (if and when he does, our relationship is over). The day after, both boys emailed me.

This was one boy’s response:

Hmmm, there is a certain lightness in my step today, can’t put my finger on it. Perhaps, because I may, one day, put my finger on it? Maybe?

This was the other boy’s response:

I just saw your last post. I’m so sorry. I hope you’re okay and I hope things continue to be good for you and J. Typing that feels strange, but I do mean it.

Guess which boy I told to fuck off?

 


EDIT: Just to be perfectly clear, I’m not lining up potential dates for after J leaves. I don’t have boys waiting in the wings, and I have no plans to meet anyone. I’m with J, and I suspect my heart will be with J for some time even after I’m not with him anymore. It’s hard enough thinking of J leaving, let alone anything beyond it.

I realize my phrasing at the end — “Guess which boy I told to fuck off?” — suggested I had been making some sort of choice between the two. That’s not the case. I only posted the responses because I appreciated the sweet boy’s sweet response and because I was absolutely dumbfounded by the douchebaggery of the other. The contrast of the two was sorta mindblowing… 

  27 Responses to “hit (on) me while I’m down?”

  1. Is that even a question? You know even if both of them would want nothing more than for you to be single so they can mingle, a feeling i bet hundreds of you followers i bet feel, people wishing you were single. Anyone that cares for you would react like the second one did, even though he wants a chance, he wants your happiness first, anyone who reads this blog knows how much j means to you and how much this separation may (will) affect you. So if they care for you, they want you to be happy and realize that right now your happiness really lies in so many ways with J. If you care about ppl in any way you cant be selfish, you cant be happy when they are down and/or encourage bad things just to gain something. Now at least you know who’s the worthy one.
    Best wishes like always

    • DD, you are a braver woman than me to even consider this (letting a reader in). I’m at once hopeful and terrified for you about this turn of events. And at least that one kid made it an easy devision between the two.

      I’m also so very sad for you about J. TN and I recently had a chat wherein we had our own “if the job comes through” talk, though there is no job. Just the sad inevitability that we will likely end before it’s truly over. It’s a shitastic place to be and I feel for you.

      • I’m at once hopeful and terrified for you about this turn of events. And at least that one kid made it an easy devision between the two.

        Oh, god, no… That’s not what I meant to imply AT ALL. This isn’t a turn of events. It’s just one ‘friend’ who turned out to be a jerk and another friend who really is a friend. I am NOT looking for a “replacement” for J. No way. I’m not lining up dates… not looking for arms to comfort me after he’s gone… oh no. The only arms giving comfort after J leaves will be my arms… wrapped around a bottle of vodka.

        I was just surprised by the disparity in the two reactions… it’s a lesson in how to be human, or in the reverse, how not to endear yourself to a woman. :)

        With that said, while I want J to be happy… I really really really hope he isn’t leaving any time soon. I’m still holding out hope. :)

        • Ok, so this was just a post on the differences between peoples reactions?? I thought it was more about who showed themselves to be worthy of your time (not romantically, just in general). But maybe when you tell someone to “fuck off” they know it’s just a love bite?? :)

      • TN and I recently had a chat wherein we had our own “if the job comes through” talk, though there is no job. Just the sad inevitability that we will likely end before it’s truly over.

        Oh. Shit. How did that go? And who brought it up??? (Sorry… I’m curious! [and worried!])

        Only one of us can go through this at a time, okay Hy? Okay?!? :)

        • “Who brought it up?” well, I suppose I did. After a miscommunication and all that fun jazz, we sat in our gym parking lot (I haven’t mentioned he joined MY gym a month ago so he could go to my classes with me), he told me I’ve been reading into his actions all wrong all this time (resigning his lease for another year, joining my gym, hanging all over me, coming over every night of the goddamned week, fucking my brains out constantly, etc, etc).

          Naturally, I shit a brick and hit him over the head with it.

          Then we both realized we were still on wildly different tracks and that one day (soon?) he will “get that job on the coast” and go — or — I will say, “OK, enough, kiddo, I’m done.” Either way, we both know it’s coming, just neither one of us are ready for it to be now. But he will get that call. Soon.

          Meh.

    • So if they care for you, they want you to be happy and realize that right now your happiness really lies in so many ways with J. If you care about ppl in any way you cant be selfish

      That line is a difficult one to navigate — our own happiness vs. the happiness of someone we love (or like, or want to see naked).

      you cant be happy when they are down and/or encourage bad things just to gain something.

      ^Yes to this. :) It was mean, and creepy, and it hurt my feelings.

      Thanks for the kind words, Tito. :)

  2. Translation reads:

    1. Yesssss! She’s available! Quick. Get stuck in before someone else snaps her up.

    2. Poor girl. She’s obviously in pain. Hope that things work out for her despite my longing to make her mine.

    No-brainer.

    • Alternatively:

      1. Yesssss! She’s available! Quick. Get stuck in before someone else snaps her up.

      2. Yesssss! She’s available! Quick. Get stuck in before someone else snaps her up. NO WAIT ! Don’t be a dick! Tell her how bad you feel about it

    • Yesssss! She’s available! Quick. Get stuck in before someone else snaps her up.

      I agree with your translation… I’d also add either:

      “… before someone else snaps her up. God… I’ve only been playing along with this “friends thing” for like… ever!”

      or

      “… before someone else snaps her up. Also, lemmie me an asshole. Bitches love assholes.”

  3. I guess it is rather uncool to seemingly gloat about your unfortunate turn of events. Not much chivarlry in that.

    Mick

  4. Yuck. Well, that certainly divides the boys from the men…

    • Or, the “potential-future-maybe-possible-my-boys” from the “go-fuck-yourself-jerks.” :)

      Yuck, indeed.

  5. Nope, no hesitation at all as to which one would get shown the door. The audacity of some people. Sigh… Then again, I might arrange to meet the one, cuff and chain him in a compromising position in public and then walk off. I’d get someone to release him a few hours later. :) With a note saying “no”

    • cuff and chain him in a compromising position in public and then walk off.

      You mean like hang him by the balls from a ceiling fan? Heh…

  6. I had to read the first response three times, because I could not believe someone could be that insensitive and rude. After the third reading I realized that yes, it’s possible, even if I can’t understand it.

  7. Wow! I knew people could be self centred, selfish & insensitive, yet this really steps it up to the next level. Almost predatory in it’s intentions from the outset…..I’ve shared your tears & pain in the past DD & will surely again before this is over…….& yep, total no brainer…

    • Yeah… it was kinda epic in it’s grossness. I gave it two double-takes and one lengthy horrified expression.

  8. Wow. I just… wow. What kind of douchebag gloats about the pain you’re likely to go through?

    • A really, really big one. Also, how fucking dumb was what?

      I expect douchebags… I don’t ever expect that level of fucking dumb.

  9. at the risk of being forever labeled a douchebag supporter, let me just posit this — you have been lusted after by those two for a long while, even being friends.

    If I wanted someone that badly, that I waited and waited and waited for them to be “available”….I might have thrown a statement like that first one off the cuff…without fully realizing until after I sent it (under the effect of pure, unadulterated OMG THERE COULD BE A CHANCE FOR ME)…that I had said something that ass-hat stupid. I would rather believe that it was an unfortunate side affect of hope, rather than pure douchebaggery.

    Just my two uninvolved in all the drama cents.

    • Heya, Nilla. :)

      If I wanted someone that badly, that I waited and waited and waited for them to be “available”….I might have thrown a statement like that first one off the cuff…without fully realizing until after I sent it

      He did realize it after he sent it. But that, coupled with a deterioration of recent communication… well, I’m not so easy to forgive (particularly when I’m in a bad place and feeling generally angry at the world).

      unfortunate side affect of hope, rather than pure douchebaggery.

      My thinking is that it’s both — hope and douchebaggery can coexist. I’ve exhibited both myself, on occasion. :)

  10. PS…I’m really sorry for your impending loss of J. I can’t imagine how I would survive that–in my head I think…if I lost my Master, I am not sure I’d even pursue this lifestyle any longer. Sometimes you just find the one, you know?

    nilla

    • Thank you for the kind words, Nilla. :)

      if I lost my Master, I am not sure I’d even pursue this lifestyle any longer.

      That’s an interesting thought. Someone recently asked me if I’d consider a vanilla relationship after J (he is my first D/s relationship). Considering vanilla and pursuing kinky are two different things, but certainly, they’re both interesting questions.

      Sometimes you just find the one, you know?

      I’m of the belief that each of us has many “ones” out there, but I’m also of the belief that it doesn’t make the loss any easier. :) Don’t worry… I’m still considering chaining him up in my bedroom and never letting him leave…. :)

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