Jun 162013
 

A long, long time ago, when J and I were still getting to know each other, we danced around the details of our sexual preferences. When we got to the topic of anal play, J asked if I had even been the recipient of “rimming.” I had not, nor did I understand the appeal. What could a tongue on my asshole possibly do for me?

J responded with a sigh: “It’s a shame that so many women have never enjoyed a proper rimming.”

And that sentence? It was fucking hilarious. He said it so matter-of-factly, as if he were speaking of something totally non-sexual, like steak, or live theater, or a pedicure.

I laughed, said I wasn’t all that interested, and that was that. (or so I thought)
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Here’s the thing: J is both orally fixated and completely indiscriminate. He’s a mouth slut. The object of his oral attention doesn’t matter much — if his mouth is on it, in it, or around it, he’s a happy man. For that, I am a lucky woman.

The boy has a very talented mouth. He has beautiful lips, perfect teeth, a strong jaw, and a surprisingly dexterous tongue. He’s a lovely kisser — attentive, responsive, and his kisses run the range from sweet, slow, and tender to predatory and aggressive. His lips and tongue are magic on necks, ears, nipples, collarbones, fingers… and everywhere else. Bonus: he adores giving oral sex. Double bonus: he’s amazing. Triple bonus: he has impressive stamina.

The boy has a black belt in giving head.

I learned that fairly quickly. But along the way, here and there, J hinted at “ass worship.” By hinted, I mean he mentioned it in his fantasies, made ‘suggestions,’ and occasionally, he just went ahead and licked my asshole. I’m a little slow sometimes, but eventually, I got the hint.
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I didn’t say no, I just didn’t say much of anything. I had (have) enough issues receiving cunnilingus, so anything else was outside of my ability to consider.

I was a tiny bit curious, but the language alone was a complete turn off. The image in my head of “ass worship” was from bad porn — I couldn’t imagine myself bouncing on his face yelling “lick my ass! LICK MY ASS!” It’s just not me. *shudder*

er·rant, adj., /ˈerənt/

1: straying outside the proper path or bounds
2: moving about aimlessly or irregularly

But now and again, an errant tongue during oral sex made me curious…

By errant tongue, I mean that when he was licking my pussy, his tongue strayed ‘the proper course’ to get at my ass. Of course, he only spent a second there before moving away… as if it was just an accident, as if he had been overzealous and momentarily lost control of his tongue. Riiiiight.

By curious, I mean, ‘oh… that felt good.’

J’s ‘errant tongue’ is just one example of why he’s a fantastic submissive for me (and to me). I’m not your textbook ‘take charge’ demanding, do it now, do it this way, sort of dominant. This is my first D/s relationship, and besides that, I have a fuck ton of hangups — body image issues, insecurities, a history of bad sex, fear of embarrassment, gender enculturation, etc. — I can’t just turn all of that off.

To his immense credit, J walks a very dangerous line in suggesting anything, particularly when he thinks he knows better than I do what I’ll enjoy. It’s risky — he wants me to enjoy myself, and if he suspects there’s something I’ll like, he’s got to figure out how to make that happen.

Sometimes it means making me feel comfortable and safe.

Other times, it means I need to be convinced it’s something he wants as much (if not more) than I do. (If I ‘give in’ to something he wants, it circumvents any cognitive dissonance I might have over wanting it myself.) When convincing isn’t enough, I need coaxed. (We call it ‘begging,’ because that’s how it’s enacted — he ‘begs’ and further convinces me it’s something he really wants, and acquiescing to him feels safer to me than acknowledging my own desire… please Ma’am, let me lick you… please, please? Okay, okay… fine. If you really want to lick my ass….).

Sometimes, I need pushed — literally. J physically moves me into a position or just goes ahead and does something before I have a chance to process what’s going on.

Note: I realize a lot of this is mind games — not the evil kind, but the kind I need us both to play for me to feel comfortable and safe enough to try new things (particularly things that make me feel vulnerable). It’s not something I’m proud of — it’s immature and self-centered and ridiculous. I’m self-aware enough to see that, but I’m not always in a position to fix it. I’m very lucky to have a partner who knows me well enough to recognize my shortcomings, who is smart enough to figure out how to work with them, and who loves me enough to put up with any of it.

Anyway, his ‘errant tongue’ was one such way of pushing me…

One night, in the middle of oral sex, his tongue went rogue and ended up dangerously close to my asshole… but only for a moment. Before I could protest, he was, um, back on track. Perhaps it was just a slip of the tongue, (so to speak), so I didn’t mention it.

The next time he went rogue, he lapped at my asshole for a few seconds. I still wasn’t sure whether it was on purpose or whether he was just overzealous, and it felt pretty damn good, so again, I didn’t protest.

It happened more and more frequently. His errant tongue’s adventures only ever lasted a few seconds before he retreated. Smart man… he never gave me enough time to stop him. (He knows me well.)

I assume my lack of protest was encouragement enough… and one night, he got very brave.

He had been licking pussy for a while, and for whatever reason, I was just enjoying it without the usual orgasm frustration (I have orgasm issues). When I wasn’t paying attention, he moved my hips a few inches, locked his arms around me, and I was stuck (not that I fought it much… sometimes I enjoy it when he’s aggressive).

He started lapping away at my asshole, and this time he didn’t retreat. Within a few moments, I gave in to absolute bliss. (Have I mentioned that boy’s mouth is magic?)

It was amazing — pure pleasure. It’s definitely sexual pleasure, but it’s different somehow. It’s luxurious — warm, soft, more relaxed. It’s pleasure that rolls in gentle waves that never crest and never crash. In that way, it’s entirely different from oral sex where the goal is orgasm. It’s different because there’s no build and no goal — it’s without frustration and without tension.

And because there’s no tension and no pressure, I can be entirely passive — physically and mentally. I’m doing nothing more than being served, and that’s emotionally satisfying in a way I didn’t expect.

It’s worship. As much as I hate the term, there’s no better word for it… and I fucking love it.

I’m lucky he’s willing to take risks. He’s lucky it ended well.

So, ass worship? Yes please. :)

 


More About My Asshole…

to shave my asshole

I picked up the razor, looked over my shoulder, and HOLY SHIT. Biggest. Asshole. Ever. My makeup mirror is 10x magnification, so my asshole was about the size of a baseball… [read more]

up(date) my ass

My cat’s name is “Asshole.” I did not shave the cat, but I suspect it might have been easier than shaving my asshole… I imagine the risk of blood loss is roughly the same… [read more]

analingus and TMI

I didn’t eat solid food for two days. The day of, I showered and cleaned…really. fucking. thoroughly. (Note: do not use a sisal loofah on your anus… Don’t ask me how I know.)…[read more]

 

  31 Responses to “ass worship: errant oral, rogue tongues, and one brave submissive”

  1. This one’s a little too close to home for me to comment (entendre intended). ;)

    i will say my life is a series of singular experiences (probably like everyone else’s, right ?). My first D/s session remains with me and always will – she “retired” after me. I had nothing to do with her decision I think she knew she was going to do this before agreeing to see me (Pro-domme). It was a propitious moment. i embraced it completely, naively, totally. i suspect that lines were crossed but still i don’t really know – doesn’t even matter really.

    So tell me, just were does the symbolic end and life begin ? (that’s a rhetorical Q) Or do I have that bassackwards ?

    • I have to think about this… I’m squinting at the screen, but you can’t see me…

    • I have to admit, Uxorious, I’m still a little stuck trying to understand your meaning (musings?). My best guess is that you had a session with a pro who may have pushed you (perhaps too much) and it sounds like she sort of left you longing.

      So tell me, just were does the symbolic end and life begin ? (that’s a rhetorical Q) Or do I have that bassackwards ?

      Lucky for you, I respond well to rhetorical questions, backasswards or assforewards. (even when I’m not totally sure of the question or the context!)

      There is no set end to the symbolic nor any discrete beginning of the ‘real.’ They are one and the same. Symbols (language, action) are all we’ve got to exchange meaning, so they’re the only stuff of value. Thus, the ‘real’ is comprised of the symbolic.

      You know, I could point you to some reading, if you’re interested. :) (<– evil grin)

  2. Welcome to the fan-fucking-tasticly (yes, it’s a word) amazing club! We have cookies AND t-shirts.

    Seriously though, Mr. K would lick my ass all night if I’d allow it. Sometimes I do. :)

    • Thank you. :) I’m a little late to the party (as usual).

      Is there a membership card? If so, I don’t want to ask what sort of card reader you use to verify (which way do I slide it? where?!?)

  3. It’s my dream to fall asleep each night getting my ass licked and you’ve done such an amazing job describing the sensation and reasons why. It’s like the best massage ever. I’m so glad you’ve learned to enjoy it and even more thrilled that J’s the type of partner that pushes you just a bit ‘for your own good.’ It’s tough to admit, I know, but a good partner will know just when to do that, even a submissive one.

    • It’s like the best massage ever.

      Yes! Kinda. It is really hard to describe. It’s like that warm lovely feeling, but I can feel it everywhere — from the top of my head, to my fingertips, and down to my toes.

      even more thrilled that J’s the type of partner that pushes you just a bit ‘for your own good.’ It’s tough to admit, I know, but a good partner will know just when to do that, even a submissive one.

      He does. J pushes — for himself, for me, and sometimes I can’t tell the difference. The longer we’re together, the less it matters and the more I’ve come to appreciate his assertiveness (is that the right word? insistence?).

      I know I’m hard to deal sometimes because of my hang ups, confidence issues, etc. (all the stuff ‘dominants’ aren’t supposed to have), but J is pretty good at reading me and giving me a push when I need it. He’s a good submissive, but he’s good at being my submissive. I’m very lucky. :)

      (fuck… now I feel all warm and fuzzy inside… dammit…)

    • You Ladies are nourishing a bit my silly and embarrassing desire to get into the hands of an appealing, wonderful woman who’ll insist on and initially force me to end up her day by her clearly understood natural order of respect, gratefulness and intimacy by being the one who is allowed to pleasure her ass sweetly with my tongue until she falls asleep and leaves me completely humbly, honored and hot behind her.

      • Well, it seems you’ve passed round one of the submissive application… now I just have to write up this questionnaire… how are you at waving giant novelty fans and peeling grapes? ;)

  4. I need to get Tavi to read this, I’ve been hinting at how much I want to do this for her, for a while now.

    • I’ve been hinting at how much I want to do this for her, for a while now.

      I’m sure you already know the risks involved with ‘hinting.’ (In general, of course, I don’t mean with her specifically.) When J hints, I’m just as likely to go with it and be pleasantly surprised as I am to end up with my feelings hurt and/or angry at him.

      The way I take his hints (in the moment they’re deployed) depends on a number of things… too many to list here. It might make for an interesting post of its own, actually.

      Anyway, yes. :) Tavi should read this. ‘Worship’ is really lovely, despite the ridiculous and ugly terms we use to describe it. It feels amazing, yes, but being served is emotionally satisfying in a really beautiful way. I highly recommend it. :)

  5. FWIW, I actualy think there is something VERY mature and self aware in deliberately playing the mind games you need to play to work with and around your own issues. It means you recognize those issues and are prepared to do what you need to take care of yourself inspite of those issues. Finding a sub who is able to recognize it and work with you to make those mind games successful? Awesome.

    And as one of those focus who’s always found anything involving ass a bit squicky, you’ve made me curious.

    • Well, thank you for the compliment. I’ll take it. :)

      It means you recognize those issues and are prepared to do what you need to take care of yourself inspite of those issues. Finding a sub who is able to recognize it and work with you to make those mind games successful?

      It’s more like finding ‘workarounds’ for my own brain. And yes, I’m lucky to have a sub who is patient and willing to help figure me out. :)

      And as one of those focus who’s always found anything involving ass a bit squicky,

      I’ve always been squicky about my own ass, but not really anyone elses. I’m self-conscious and far-too-easily embarrassed… but that’s typically only when it comes to my own body. I almost wish it were the other way around. :)

      As for being curious, I’ve found that if I can get over myself long enough to just go with it, I enjoy lots of stuff I never thought I would.

  6. I understand what you mean by mind games. I have a bucket of words I want to write about: words that raise hackles because they represent ‘dishonesty’ and ‘bad communication’.

    ‘Seduction’, ‘flirting’ and ‘manipulation’ are all in that list, and they can overlap, but manipulation in particular interests me. I love being manipulated when he does it well and to positive purpose, *even if underlying that is him trying to get something he wants*.

    I’m similar to you with ass play in that I have to know that he *really* wants to go there or I’m uncomfortable with it. Interestingly, I find many men have those same insecurities, which I think is completely adorable. If I pay attention to a guy’s ass when he hasn’t had that before, he gets turned on and mortified and shy and kind of horrified and vulnerable, and I have to bring him into it with me… Yum!

    Ferns

    • I understand what you mean by mind games. I have a bucket of words I want to write about: words that raise hackles because they represent ‘dishonesty’ and ‘bad communication’. [. . .] ‘Seduction’, ‘flirting’ and ‘manipulation’ are all in that list,

      Interesting. Ever since I started writing this post and attempting to explain how my twisted brain works (or fails to work), I’ve been thinking about it too. I’ve thought about the ways in which my ‘preferred’ means of communication are ‘bad’ and ‘dishonest’ (in a sense), I never thought about it in terms of seduction or flirting. You’ve certainly given me something to think on.

      I’m similar to you with ass play in that I have to know that he *really* wants to go there or I’m uncomfortable with it.

      Abso-fucking-loutely.

      I find many men have those same insecurities, which I think is completely adorable. If I pay attention to a guy’s ass when he hasn’t had that before, he gets turned on and mortified and shy and kind of horrified and vulnerable, and I have to bring him into it with me

      Ha! That’s not J. Not even close. :) The vulnerability is there, but not because he’s mortified… just because he wants… and he wants so much that he begs… and that’s kinda hot. :)

      • *I realize a lot of this is mind games — not the evil kind, but the kind I need us both to play for me to feel comfortable and safe enough to try new things (particularly things that make me feel vulnerable). It’s not something I’m proud of — it’s immature and self-centered and ridiculous.*

        *I understand what you mean by mind games. I have a bucket of words I want to write about: words that raise hackles because they represent ‘dishonesty’ and ‘bad communication’.*

        This is why I hate when things get termed good or bad, when really it’s the intent that makes it good or bad. Personally, I don’t think you need to feel all that bad about needing this kind of approach. As long as YOU are aware and HE is aware that this is how things work… whose to say it’s all that immature and self-centered.

        For us.. manipulation is a key component of our communication to each other. I find it’s a fun, playful way to dance along the edges when one or both of us are a little nervous about something. If it creates a safe, sane and (in a sense) consensual way to delve into the unknown.. how is that bad.

        Of course as Ferns state.. it’s not something I would include in a fetlife post because the vilification that would ensue, but I got over feeling bad about something that works so well for us.

  7. I’ve just recently come to appreciate this type of worship as well, and I loved how you described it. It’s so appropriate, and something I couldn’t figure out how to do.

    • Thanks, Cammies. I’m glad the description worked for you. I’m still not 100% happy with it… it’s just so difficult to describe! (but that’s a good thing) :)

  8. Commenting on the mind games — I think they sound like the honest-with-yourself kind of mind games that can lead to good communication with your partner. And sometimes they’re necessary to get past the fuckton of hangups we all have, frequently around “body image issues, insecurities, a history of bad sex…”

  9. Thanks, Naga.

    I think they sound like the honest-with-yourself kind of mind games that can lead to good communication with your partner.

    It’s something like that, or approaching that, but not quite. Recognizing the immaturity of wanting someone to coax me doesn’t make it mature, but it’s a step in the right direction.

    And yes, sometimes they’re necessary.

    For the record, I bet my fuck-ton of hangups are heavier than your fuck-ton of hangups. :) Wait, are we using standard or metric? Fuck…. lemmie dig out my scale…

  10. Ahhh another one of my double standards. ~laughs~

    “J is both orally fixated and completely indiscriminate. He’s a mouth slut The object of his oral attention doesn’t matter much — if his mouth is on it, in it, or around it, he’s a happy man.”

    *waves at J* ME TOO! I have a HUGE oral fixation and I am happy having my mouth on her in any way I don’t discriminate at all about it. I have always had an oral fixation and I am happy having my mouth on her in anyway.

    Oddy enough while I am not a male submissive what Ferns described..

    “Interestingly, I find many men have those same insecurities, which I think is completely adorable. If I pay attention to a guy’s ass when he hasn’t had that before, he gets turned on and mortified and shy and kind of horrified and vulnerable, and I have to bring him into it with me” …

    Is me though! Yep in that area she has to bring me there with her because I will get turned on but if she doesn’t bring me there with her I will sooo shut down big time from the being shy, horrified, vulnerable thing. And I think the main reason for that is as you described i am like you in that I feel this too…

    “I have a fuck ton of hangups — body image issues, insecurities, a history of bad sex, fear of embarrassment, gender enculturation, etc. — I can’t just turn all of that off.”

    I love that you have the courage to speak up and say things like this in your posts and admit things. I love that you are so down to earth thank you!

    Respectfully,
    mysticlez

    • *waves at J* ME TOO! I have a HUGE oral fixation and I am happy having my mouth on her in any way I don’t discriminate at all about it. I have always had an oral fixation and I am happy having my mouth on her in anyway.

      Then your future woman is one very lucky woman. I’ve come to appreciate mouth sluts. :) (come to appreciate? get it? get it? Ha!)

      Oddy enough while I am not a male submissive what Ferns described [. . . ] “gets turned on and mortified and shy and kind of horrified and vulnerable, and I have to bring him into it with me” [. . .] Is me though! Yep in that area she has to bring me there with her because I will get turned on but if she doesn’t bring me there with her I will sooo shut down big time from the being shy, horrified, vulnerable thing.

      Yes, but lucky you… many of us d-types think the whole shy, horrified, vulnerable thing is pretty fucking hot. :)

      And I think the main reason for that is as you described i am like you in that I feel this too… “I have a fuck ton of hangups — body image issues, insecurities, a history of bad sex, fear of embarrassment, gender enculturation, etc.”

      How sad is that for us? (all of us, the collective us) We’re grown ass women… we’re educated, we know better, but still… the hangups aren’t so easily ignored. *sigh* My hope is that we (the collective ‘we,’ as more enlightened women, men, and people folk) can raise our sons, daughters, and children in ways that better facilitate their sexual education, heath, and pursuit of sexual satisfaction as they grow up.

      I love that you have the courage to speak up and say things like this in your posts and admit things. I love that you are so down to earth thank you!

      You rock, Mystic. Have I mentioned that before? It’s worth mentioning again… you rock. :)

      I think one of the only ways to break the cycles of shame, embarrassment, and fucked-up-gender-enculturation (particularly over sex and sexuality) is to talk about all of our fucked-up-ed-ness openly. That way, we know we’re not alone and maybe others can learn from our mistakes. :)

  11. Without wishing to poop the party, are there any known hygiene or health issues involved in performing analingus and cunnilingus during the same session?

    For the record, I enjoy giving both.

    • Without wishing to poop the party

      I’ll ignore that pun, GOS, but only because I like you (and because I’m known to make bad puns too, and in fact, I may steal this one for a future post!) :D

      are there any known hygiene or health issues involved in performing analingus and cunnilingus during the same session?

      Yes, there are hygiene issues. I think I might address that in a future post since it is an important issue.

      For the record, I enjoy giving both.

      I shall adjust the record, GOS…

      Let the official record note: GrumpyOldSwitch enjoys performing both analingus and cunnilingus. (also, yay!)

  12. I’m so glad you finally gave in. Lo loves receiving it and I love giving it to her. However, I should point out that Lo always cums from it. Then I flip her over and make her cum with my tongue on her clit. Finally, we top off the triple play with my entering her and making her cum with my cock in her very wet pussy. But perhaps Lo is unusual this way – she can also cum from my licking or pinching her nipples or from my biting her earlobe and other unusual ways.

    • However, I should point out that Lo always cums from it. Then I flip her over and make her cum with my tongue on her clit. Finally, we top off the triple play with my entering her and making her cum with my cock in her very wet pussy.

      Ok, ok, ok… now you’re just bragging, H.H. :) You and Lo are both very VERY lucky that she’s so orgasmic (and you’re both lucky that you’re a good facilitator, too!).

      But perhaps Lo is unusual this way – she can also cum from my licking or pinching her nipples or from my biting her earlobe and other unusual ways.

      Yes, I think that’s a little unusual, but not at all unheard of. Lots of women report orgasming easily and/or from non-genital stimulation. Unfortunately, I am NOT one of those women.

      I need four vibrators, three submissives (each with four hands), a drum circle, and an environment of exactly 72.5° F and 28% humidity to create an conditions conducive to orgasm… and that doesn’t even guarantee I’ll come.

      Not sure how long you’ve been reading, but I have orgasm issues. Here’s an entirely reductive recap: I don’t reach orgasm easily or often, and I’m not okay with that. I’ve called it The Five Stages of (In)Orgasmic Grief. Quite a while ago, I finally came clean and told J I had been lying about reaching orgasm. We’ve been working on it, and it’s better, but I still have the same old issues and still have trouble reaching orgasm.

      The whole sad narrative can be found via the “orgasm project” category tag — read the entries in reverse chronology to get an idea of where I started and how far we’ve come (pun indended!).

      Anyway, you and Lo are very lucky, and I’m insanely jealous of both of you. :)

  13. I was going to comment on the mind games, but Ms Mahler, Ferns, and Naga di Kandang beat me to it, and were much more succinct and elegant than I would have been. I’ll just say, “What they said.”

    • Easy for you to say..

      [Sorry, couldn’t resist] :-)

    • I was going to comment on the mind games [. . .] I’ll just say, “What they said.”

      The fact that lots of people responded to my “mind games” aside is really interesting to me. It’s kinda comforting to think that I’m not the only one who has to play mental games (with myself and a participating partner) to enjoy myself fully. I’ve never thought of it in any way that wasn’t more negative than positive, but the comments here have given me pause. Anyway, the whole thing is something I’m flipping over in my brain and something I intend to write about soon.

      Thanks for the comment, WBW — good to see you around these parts! You’re missed!

  14. “I have a fuck ton of hangups — …. — I can’t just turn all of that off.”

    It is always gives me a sigh of relief when a strong, smart, powerful, sexy woman owns up to her hangups. The men I most adore are the ones who recognize that I will always try to talk, giggle, joke, distract, and procrastinate my way around those uncomfortable sexual moments and are happy to say, “Shut up, lay back and enjoy it.”

    An errant tongue would probably work nicely as well.

    • The men I most adore are the ones who recognize that I will always try to talk, giggle, joke, distract, and procrastinate my way around those uncomfortable sexual moments and are happy to say, “Shut up, lay back and enjoy it.”

      Yes! This! Yes, yes, yes!

      I love it when he knows I’m uncomfortable and does whatever it takes to get me through it. Also, assertiveness and a little aggression is fucking hot.

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