May 292013
 

submissives-marks-thumbHe was marked the day I met him, his arms and chest etched with history that is not mine.

His marks are the inscriptions of a life well-lived, mistakes made, and lessons learned. Some are the marks of insult and injury, and some are the marks of battles fought and won.

They’re beautiful and I love them.

But sometimes, I hate them. I want to scratch them from his skin.

His marks — the ones than bind him — they aren’t mine, nor were they made for me. They predate me. They’ll survive me. They aren’t a part of him that’s mine.

They’re lovely, but unmoving, and impossible to change. I don’t appreciate their permanence or their unwillingness to move.

Sometimes I hate them for their existence, for mocking my impermanence.

I hate them for binding him before me, because they’ll bind him even after I am gone.

I hate his marks, not because they are his, but because they are not mine.

 


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  16 Responses to “marked”

  1. So true. This is a great post.

  2. You know I have a tattoo that is my ex nickname. Anyone who knows me knows how madly in love I was with her and knows that mark on me is something that will always be there, she is something that will always be there. I have had people I have been with complain of that specific tattoo and ask me why I won’t have it covered over or removed. I have thought about doing so a couple of times but then decided no I won’t. The reason for this is not because I am wanting to hang onto her or that I expect anyone to shadow her or anything. I choose to keep that mark because it was a part of my life. It was a moment of history which resembles strength, love, passion and yes hurt and pain that sometimes bind me.

    “I hate his marks, not because they are his, but because they are not mine.”

    The key to this is to remember that while those marks are not yours, those marks are a part of what has made him who he is today. They are artwork resembling some part of him, a moment he lived through, a pain he felt, or just a memory. Those markings are a mark of him. Those markings are not YOURS but HE IS. That is what is important. Don’t focus on the marks that are not yours, concentrate on marking his life yourself, whether it be ink on his skin or a memory that is forever ingrained. Those are the markings that count. Make YOUR mark, don’t worry about others.

    But that is just my opinion from my perspective.

    Respectfully,
    mysticlez

    • For the record, I wouldn’t want him to get any of his marks covered up, and it doesn’t bother me that the tattoos he has aren’t mine. What I hate (sometimes) is that I’m not represented… but that might change sometime soon…. :)

  3. Is that him ? No homo but… damn

  4. I hope you realize how powerful this piece of writing is. Your writing is always good and often great. Sometimes your writing goes beyond quality. This is a great piece of writing, but that’s irrelevant because it is emotionally powerful independent of its quality. I don’t personally know what it feels like to hate that other relationships came before me. But your writing gives me an idea of what it could feel like.

  5. As Neophyte said this is a very powerful piece of writing. While I can understand your frustration at the marks, the thing that comes to my mind is those marks are what has made him who he is today, it was the journey of those marks that brought him to you, now it is your turn to leave your marks. To not just mark who he is at this point and time, but to mark him for the future and what is to be.

    • those marks are what has made him who he is today, it was the journey of those marks that brought him to you

      I’m in total agreement, but you can’t fault me for being less-than-pleased that I’m not represented there, somewhere.

      now it is your turn to leave your marks. To not just mark who he is at this point and time, but to mark him for the future and what is to be.

      I’m working on leaving my own. :) As for marking him for the future, while I have no doubt I’m important and won’t be forgotten, I already know what the future holds, and it may be much sooner than I anticipated.

  6. This is gorgeous, and so true. Although I’ve never experienced it with marks… I could come up with a hundred equivalents.

    • Thanks, Harper. :)

      I could come up with a hundred equivalents.

      Out of curiosity, like what? (I imagine photographs might elicit a similar response — is something like that what you mean?)

  7. My boy is not marked physically, yet just the other day I found myself thinking ‘he has had a life full of experiences before me and he will have more after I am gone. I am only a chapter in his story. While we live this chapter it is amazing and extraordinary but one day I may be no more than a memory and a turned page.’

    I wonder if I can ever make peace with such a thought? If I am honest I do not want to. I want to write my name in his heart such that he never forgets me. Such hopeless vanity!

  8. I have no markings or tattoos at all deliberately to ‘mark’ myself out as unusal in a culture where it seems obligatory to have such ‘signage’. Then I read this and pause for thought. And I get curious. Just what kind of marks would You leave, both temporary and permanent on blank skin?

    • We’ve discussed it, and J is getting a tattoo for me before he leaves. We aren’t sure of the specifics, but it will be my words in my handwriting, integrated into one of his existing tattoos.

      Words are so very important to me, and so many of mine are for him — I couldn’t think of anything that would be more fitting. :)

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