May 102013

I’m sad at you. (Is that even a thing?)

I'm sad at you.It’s not an unfamiliar feeling, but it’s difficult to describe. It’s aimless and amorphous; it seeks out direction and fails to find a form.

It’s a pervasive, quiet melancholy that comes with separation, a wistful hum in the background of an indeterminately determinate arrangement.

It’s missing something that isn’t gone yet; it’s nostalgia before its time.

It can’t be fought and it can’t be fixed, so instead, I try to frame it. Missing you affirms how much you’re wanted. Fear of losing you is proof of what you’re worth. The sometimes-sadness is a reminder there’s something here worth having (and something here to lose).

Please don’t worry — the feeling will pass soon. I won’t let it rob me of my joy.

Always know I love you (madly), but right now, I’m sad at you.


  13 Responses to “sad at you”

  1. Pre-deployment or training blues, and quite frequently I am guilty of letting me rob me of job.

    • I’m sorry to hear it, M. I guess you’ve got a lot of practice with saying goodbye. It sucks. :(

  2. I am sorry for your sadness but your words are beautiful. Yes, don’t let it rob you of your joy, embrace what you have for now. *hugs*


  3. I’m sad at you. (Is that even a thing?)

    I absolutely *is* a thing, and I love the way you describe it. Reading it made me happy, not because you are made sad, but because it makes me to know that it is possible to love someone that much.

    In the mean time, *HUGS* until the sads go away.

  4. Brilliant. Captures sub (or Domme) blues perfectly.

    • Thanks, Grumpy. If it were really the True Domme blues, I’d find some way to beat the sad out. :)

  5. Having just ended my long-distance relationship, I totally understand ‘sad at you’. Our last day together, try as I might to savor those precious last moments of skin on skin, I couldn’t get present to anything but the impending loss. I wrote him later that I was sorry I hadn’t sucked his cock one last time, had his hand inside me one last time, but my heart was already wrapping itself in cotton wool to survive the trip back to alone.

    Beautiful words, as always.

    • Thanks, Night Owl. It’s difficult to live in the present with the future always looming… but I guess that’s life, isn’t it?

      I’m very sorry to hear about your relationship ending — hope you are well. :)

  6. Another solar eclipse this month, perhaps our energy is not our own?

    Some days I am complete and happy in the moment. Nothing can throw off the mantle of joy and being present.

    Some days and more often than not of late, I become disappointed not just quickly but almost in advance.

    Things are changing in our lives though – my boy and I. Change makes me anxious.

    Thank you for sharing ‘sad at you’. It grabbed at me.

    • Another solar eclipse this month, perhaps our energy is not our own?

      Maybe. I generally attribute foreign energy to static or the microwave, but perhaps I’ve been remiss in this. Change makes me nervous, too, but I’m coming to think stagnancy makes me nervous too.

      Thanks for the comment. :)

  7. Again this got to me. Wonderful words.

 Leave a Reply