Apr 132013
 
“Out of a Broken Man,” courtesy of lucasexhibit, via DeviantArt

“Out of a Broken Man” courtesy of lucasexhibit via DeviantArt

I admitted I’m not sure what it means to “break” a submissive — my ignorance is equal parts inexperience and lexical ambiguity. While my inexperience (and sometimes-ignorance) is well-documented here, the ambiguity isn’t my fault.

“Breaking” is figurative, not literal. It’s a metaphor (or hyperbole, idiom, symbolism, synecdoche, or some messy combination). The intended meaning is dependent on the speaker and the received meaning is dependent on the audience.

For that reason, the ambiguity isn’t surprising — the range of interpretations is wide, and includes everything from inconsequential, isolated “breaking” to severe, irreparable “breaking” (and all points in between).

On the lighter end of the spectrum, “breaking” can mean getting a submissive to consent to something she or he doesn’t enjoy, perhaps something on the submissive’s list of soft limits. For example, a sub might consent to wearing a blindfold even though it really freaks him out.

On the heavy end of the spectrum, “breaking” can mean emotionally diminishing a sub to such a degree it changes his personality, goals, and sense of self-worth. While “change” leaves room for positive shifts, more often, the connotations of this sort of “breaking” are decidedly negative. Accompanying descriptions often include mentions of “breaking the spirit,” “removing free will,” tabula rasa, and similarly Gorean-sounding language that more appropriately describe the aftereffects of significant trauma, PTSD, or Stockholm syndrome than describe something you’d do to someone you care about.

My last post sparked a Twitter conversation about “breaking,” and the general consensus is that it’s somewhere between extremes. (Of course, it’s a personal thing, so there’s no real consensus.) Ferns interprets breaking as when a sub gives up resistance, and Lilyana’s interpretation is a combination of catharsis and deep subspace.

twitter conversation about breaking a submissive

Besides asking questions, I added little more to the conversation than interjections about sharks, crying boys, and fucking. You can see the full Twitter conversation here for the serious and the silly.

Part of the problem, too, is the uncritical exchange of romanticized ideas about what things are, how they happen, and what they mean. If we take our cues from what’s “out there” in culture — what’s represented in pornography, erotica, and some personal accounts — “breaking” is powerful, deeply-moving, and damn-near mystical.

We’re all romanticism’s unknowing participants and it’s unwitting victims, but perhaps kinky people are to a greater degree. People in BDSM communities tend towards the dramatic (as evidenced by honorifics, protocols, costumes, rituals, dungeons, slave registries, etc.). Of course, drama and symbolism are meaningful, but they’re also silly. I can admit that even as I enjoy it. (I enjoy it up until it makes me feel silly: when I feel like more like a character than a person, when I can’t take one more step in 6 inch stilettos, when I can’t breathe in my corset, or when the leather makes me itch.)

While a bit of drama is hot, I’m not interested in breaking J’s spirit (as if I could). I like the boy, I respect him, and I appreciate his free will (as long as his will is for me…). But I’m curious about the lighter stuff — the less consequential sort of breaking. On one hand, imagining J losing his resistance, plunging into subspace, or breaking down emotionally is fucking hot. But on the other, forcing/persuading(?) a person to do something they aren’t into can cause resentment, extreme subspace can blur boundaries, and emotional breakdowns can have a host of negative consequences, particularly if they aren’t handled correctly. There might be negative consequences even if they are handled correctly.

It was interesting to read people’s responses to the last post (thank you for those!) and hear their thoughts on “breaking.” Now I’m asking for more.  :)

What say you, dominants, submissives, and switches? (and kinksters of all types) What does “breaking” mean to you?

  • What is it? Is it deeper subspace? Is it the destruction of resistance? Is it catharsis?
  • Is it isolated and in the context of a scene? Is it something more significant? Can it change you?
  • Is breaking something you’ve experienced?
  • Is it something you want? Why do you want it?
  • What happens after? How do you put someone back together? What happens if you can’t?

 

  30 Responses to “what does it mean to break a submissive?”

  1. For me, breaking means one of two things. 1) It implies that a submissive has completely and utterly had their will broken. I see this as a positive thing when it’s a goal. I see it as a step forward in a serious D/s relationship. It’s a humongous transition in the submissive’s mindset. Their Master/Mistress’ will replaces their own. In this case, it is the destruction of resistance. Also, the Master/Mistress’ level and depth of responsibilities increases, especially the responsibility for the well-being of the submissive. It is a liberation/catharsis for both people, if it occurs when they both want it. 2) It implies breaking someone’s spirit in a damaging way. If this happens, it’s definitely detrimental to the person. It means they’re a broken person; they’re just a shell of their true selves.

    I don’t think it’s isolated to the context of a scene, but I do think that scenes can play a huge catalyst in breaking someone. I don’t think you can break someone (in a positive or negative way) and not have it change them. I think it’s extremely significant because of the change it can bring about.

    I’m technically a switch. However, I will only bottom for sensual things, and only with specific people. And it’s because I’ve been broken, in both ways. The first time I had my *will* broken, I sobbed for a good long while. I was in ‘hell’. And then after the sobbing came the euphoria of subspace. It wasn’t worth it, and it was completely accidental. I like my control. I like my will. I’ve had my *spirit* broken hard a few times in my life, and it’s devastating every time.

    For me, the ultimate achievement romantically is to have a submissive whose will is broken for my own. I want it because D/s is love to me. Having a submissive with a will broken for my own is the deepest love I can think of.

    If you break someone in a good way, then you damn well better take care of them. If you break someone in a bad way, then you damn well better take care of them. If you break someone irreparably, I doubt the broken person will want you in their life. When it came to the accidental will-breaking that happened to me, the dominant took damn good care of me during the aftercare and I was fine. When it comes to the people that have broken my spirit, they are no longer a part of my life. If someone’s spirit is broken, time and diligence is the answer. If you can’t put them back together, no matter your best efforts, then it’s just going to have to be something that weighs on your conscience and something you make sure you learn from. Hell, no matter what, breaking someone in any fashion is a learning experience.

    • 1) It implies that a submissive has completely and utterly had their will broken. I see this as a positive thing when it’s a goal. I see it as a step forward in a serious D/s relationship. It’s a humongous transition in the submissive’s mindset. Their Master/Mistress’ will replaces their own.

      A few lines later, you say: “I don’t think it’s isolated to the context of a scene.” Do you think it can be, though? For instance, a sub “breaks” during a scene, his will is broken, he wants nothing more than the will of his dominant… but only during the scene. When play and aftercare are over, he’s back to “normal,” Do you think this also possible? I guess that’s what I meant by “isolated”–perhaps I should have said “non-recurring” or “one time thing.”

      I want it because D/s is love to me. Having a submissive with a will broken for my own is the deepest love I can think of.

      Yes! This!

      Hell, no matter what, breaking someone in any fashion is a learning experience

      Agreed. I just wish I could learn on someone I didn’t care about as much. :) But I guess if I didn’t care about him as much, he wouldn’t trust me enough to break.

      Thanks for your thoughts, Chainmail. :)

  2. This topic has actually been in the back of my mind since you first posted what happened and then Ferns pointed out her blog post and the discussion that took place on twitter. Of course as you know I have no experience really but I am an extremely passionate person and I speak from my heart on things I know I feel. And this is one that like I said has really been just right there stuck in my mind and I have picked it apart until it bled.

    I was raised in a bad situation when I was younger causing me to leave home when I was 16. Also, my family is a very religious family on my grandmother’s side. When I say very religious I mean to the point my grandmother NEVER wore a pair of pants in her life literally. Then I went through other things. My point and the result? At a very early age I began building walls, indestructible walls around me for protection and because of the things that were ingrained in me from my family and society. Sounds great right because having all those walls means you can’t be hurt? Wrong! I literally built so many walls to protect myself from others that I did not realize I was trapping myself in either. RESISTANCE. Funny because the word itself kind of implies that you purposely resist. I don’t. I don’t resist against others I resist against myself and I do it often times not wanting to be not realizing I am doing it. It is suffocating!

    Thus, I gave this “breaking” very deep thought and probing of myself. To me the whole concept of “breaking” a submissive means as a submissive that I was able to reach a point through her that I gave no resistance. I had went over the edge and gave everything of myself to her without hindrance, worry, resistance. I gave up complete and total control of me in her hands. And that I did so willingly. And now for the part most don’t agree with me on, maybe I word it incorrectly I do not know. But it also means that she was able to pull me into that place, to “break” the last of my resistance. That she as able to take me to a place that without hindrance I handed her everything in me, all of who I am and she took it!

    This is what I feel it means in my heart. I stay so bottled up despite my efforts to try and stop reisisting myself that honestly it terrifies me that I may never know this feeling of being “broken”. To be “broken” to me would mean I gave up everything of me to her and she took it at the same time, that she was able to pull that out of me. Being “broken” to me personally would mean freedom from myself and it would mean that I could breathe again. Honestly, as pathetic as it may sound I would give just about anything for to be “broken”.

    Respectfully,
    brattyboi

    • Being “broken” to me personally would mean freedom from myself and it would mean that I could breathe again. Honestly, as pathetic as it may sound I would give just about anything for to be “broken”.

      It doesn’t sound pathetic at all! And if it does, then lots of us are pathetic. :) Who doesn’t want to get out of their own head for a little while, to be free from self, to breathe? It sounds beautiful.

      Of course, we all might get to that place in different ways (by breaking, taking, running, meditation, etc.), but I think most of us want to get there from time to time. :)

      Thanks for the heartfelt comment, Brat. I hope you find your freedom soon (whether it be from breaking or from something else entirely)!

  3. “Agreed. I just wish I could learn on someone I didn’t care about as much. :) But I guess if I didn’t care about him as much, he wouldn’t trust me enough to break.”

    And that is not necessarily true actually, you can care and trust someone enough but them have a different level of caring towards you.

    • It’s certainly not true for everyone, but I was speaking about J specifically.

      I can’t speak to his past, but at this point in his life, I don’t think he’d break unless he cared for someone and he knew they cared for him.

  4. On a couple occasions, Tavi has commented that she broke me, or that I had “break-face.” I was rather out of it in these instances, but I think she’s using to indicate that I’m at or past the point where I’m capable of safewording any longer.

    At least the first time, I think I could continued to just take pain and sob for a long time, but I don’t know if I could have spoken up if I needed her to stop.

    I remember that as a marvelously intense evening, and would willingly go there again.

    She must have put me back together alright, cause I’m still kicking about.

    • Tavi has commented that she broke me, or that I had “break-face.” I was rather out of it in these instances, but I think she’s using to indicate that I’m at or past the point where I’m capable of safewording any longer.

      See, I would think that being past the capacity to safeword is different than breaking. Certainly, they could overlap, but I don’t assume they do.

      Do you think that was breaking? You said you could have taken pain and sobbed, but do you remember what was going on in your head? (if you don’t mind sharing, of course).

      Also, “break face” — I love that. :) You’re a very lucky man, Peroxide, and she’s a very lucky lady.

      • Certain value of broken, that is what I was.

        Broken down at least, Not really thinking, not really processing much, just feeling whatever was happening in the moment and trying not to make too much noise.

        “Break-face” came about recently, when she was playing with her claws and my testicles.

        I am a very lucky man (For a certain value of luck.)

  5. Wow – what an amazing post! Thank you.
    My experiences were nowhere near as intense and deep as those written above. The closest that I’ve gotten to that state was suddenly “plunging” into subspace during a pretty intense scene where, all of a sudden, there was no pain. I felt the strokes but somehow they didn’t hurt. It was a very cool feeling and I wish I could describe it better.

    • That does sound like a cool feeling! I understand what you mean about not being able to describe some of the feelings — I have the exact same problem, but it’s a pretty great problem to have!

      Thanks for the comment. :)

  6. i think the way I’ve always heard it in a femdom context was more about getting someone into sub-space in the first place, for those for whom it is not an easy thing. for a lot of folks i know, it seems like there’s a certain amount of stoicism they have to go through, and breaking them is actually a positive thing – it’s about destroying the walls that are keeping them from feeling. Like, if i make my sub cry, i would say that i broke her, although now that I’m saying it out loud it’s more like broke *through*, becauseshe’s feeling something that she doesn’t allow herself elsewhere.

    • Hello Jay,

      I’m not sure I understand your comment:

      i think the way I’ve always heard it in a femdom context was more about getting someone into sub-space in the first place, for those for whom it is not an easy thing

      Are you contrasting femdom experiences and contexts with maledom? This is actually something I’m interested in — whether there are different experiences of breaking loosely based on gender identification — but I stopped short of asking people to analyze their gender identity in cooperation with their experience. (I already asked too much!).

      although now that I’m saying it out loud it’s more like broke *through*, becauseshe’s feeling something that she doesn’t allow herself elsewhere.

      While I have no experience with breaking, this is close to my prediction of what “breaking” might look like with my submissive. I imagine it would be a sort of breaking through, and it might possibly bring us closer in some way, but I don’t imagine it will mean much more than that (to him, at least. to me? that’s a different story…) :)

  7. For me, when I say break, I mean true, speechless, horrified, terrified destruction… that changes, and twists, inevitably, forever, and, no, it’s not isolated. I’ll happily accept the other meanings too, as I think it depends on each person. But for me, it’s something very dark.

    No, it’s not something I’ve experienced. It’s something I’ve tasted. And, the difficulty for me comes with the fact that I do want it, yes. But, it’s very dangerous, when you consider my definition. It’s a difficult balance. Especially because, I have no idea how we would put me back together. And I won’t ask for it until I know.

    This is a really great article. Thought-provoking, honest… very interesting.

    • I’ll happily accept the other meanings too, as I think it depends on each person.

      Yes to this! It’s part of the reason I’m so interested in it — because it means such wildly different things to different people, but still, it’s often thrown around in writing and conversation as if it’s something everyone understands and agrees on.

      And, the difficulty for me comes with the fact that I do want it, yes. But, it’s very dangerous, when you consider my definition. It’s a difficult balance. Especially because, I have no idea how we would put me back together.

      My partner and I are talking about it, and whether or not he wants it is something I intend to ask. I think I want it, but not so much that I’d fight for it, precisely for the reason you mention — I have no idea how to put someone back together. Part of me thinks I know him well enough that I could, but the other part of me loves him enough that I don’t want to take the risk without knowing that I can.

      Thanks for the comment, Harper. :)

  8. I think a lot of the issue is what is meant by the word break. I know as a masochist, I try to be beaten by people I think are close to my limit. There have been times where I have been in the process of being punched so hard in the chest and body that I wondered if I would make it. Then one time, I felt as if she broke through, but she did not realise….and I did not stop her. And it seemed to be ok a few weeks later. (Mostly my bruises etc are fine after about 10 days or so). But breaking could be emotional, and that is whole lot more complicated. I wonder if anyone can do that to me? I just feel so remote, so cold. I probably need it. But it is so risky then, I guess for me. I feel as though our subspace protects us – but if we offer up the wall itself, we do make ourselves vulnerable I guess. Anyway, I love this blog. Thank you, and if this is way off track feek free to ignore it….

    • Hi, John.

      Then one time, I felt as if she broke through, but she did not realise….and I did not stop her. And it seemed to be ok a few weeks later. (Mostly my bruises etc are fine after about 10 days or so). But breaking could be emotional, and that is whole lot more complicated. I wonder if anyone can do that to me?

      From your “I wonder…” I take it that no one has “broken” you emotionally. If not, then I’m not sure what you mean in a few sentences earlier: “I felt as if she broke through…” I’m curious, if it “broke through” wasn’t emotional, what was it? Is it a physical breaking through? And what does that mean? (Sorry to pry, it’s just all so interesting!).

      For the record, J does seem cold, at least to everyone else. I’m very lucky that he let me in (to whatever degree I’m in), but neither one of us is sure that making him that emotionally vulnerable (enough to “break”) is a good idea. Perhaps time will tell.

      Thanks for the kind words about the blog, and thanks for the comment. :)

  9. I’ve been percolating on this one for a while. When I say breaking, I mean a severe, traumatic, psychological break–clearly not what you’re going for.

    I think (hope?) when people talk about breaking a submissive, they mean something more like breaking in a new pair of shoes. The shoe has to be stretched and molded a bit, but once it fits with good maintenance it will continue to fit perfectly year after year. whereas the psychological break is more akin to what you did to your poor shoe in the next post, no good for you or the shoe.

    Man. I’ve been accused of objectifying people before but putting submissives and shoes on the same level is a new low. It does seem that “breaking” may be a difficult concept to discuss because people have such varied definitions of it, and even if everyone is using the same denotation, connotation will vary based on personal experience.

    • I’ve been percolating on this one for a while. When I say breaking, I mean a severe, traumatic, psychological break–clearly not what you’re going for.

      I’m still turning it over in my head too, not so much about anything severe (as you mentioned), but about even a lesser(?) sort of breaking. I can’t figure out why it’s something I want… or if I want… *sigh*

      You bring up a good point — I have heard both terms used, “breaking” and “breaking in.” From what I’ve gathered, the “breaking in” is exactly what you describe. I think I want more though, although for the life of me, I can’t figure out why (or at least I can’t figure it out in any way that sits comfortably in my brain).

      Man. I’ve been accused of objectifying people before but putting submissives and shoes on the same level is a new low.

      Ha! If it makes you feel any better, I consider myself just as broken in as J. We’ve broken in together (just like a pair of shoes?) :)

  10. I can’t figure out why it’s something I want… or if I want… *sigh*

    Yes, pretty much that. There’s something about the word “breaking,” in the way that it connotes harm and permanence that makes it both wildly tempting and viscerally unmanageable. I think knowing I *could* break someone (in the sense of completely subsuming him) and knowing that in that moment he would welcome it is hot beyond description but what that would look like in real terms–I don’t know. I usually describe it in terms of consuming and it gets all creepy and cannibalistic (“Okay so I sort of just threatened to gnaw on your liver, but in the hot way, I swear!”)

    Your introduction to the previous post–

    “I want to take it all–everything you have to give.
    I want to suck the breath from your lungs and leave you empty and wasted.
    I want to pry you open, shove myself inside you
    and get off on the resistance you provide.
    I want to break you, to fuck you into pieces and put you back together
    just so I can break you again.”

    –definitely resonated with more than a few of us, but moving past abstractions it gets all scary and confused. Maybe it’s the intersection of “I want to get off on the resistance you provide” and “for this to work you need to have passed the point of resisting,” leaving it an impossible desire to quite completely fulfill? Gah. Too much thinking.

    • Maybe it’s the intersection of “I want to get off on the resistance you provide” and “for this to work you need to have passed the point of resisting,” leaving it an impossible desire to quite completely fulfill? Gah. Too much thinking.

      Yes! I’m glad you mentioned this — it makes a lot of connections for me. I’ve written about it before: the object petit. It’s all about desire and the promise of fulfillment that will never be realized.

      “I love you, but, because inexplicably I love in you something more than you — the objet petit a — I mutilate you.” ~Jacques Lacan, Seminar Book XI: The Four Fundamental Concepts of Psychoanalysis

      • Dear God, you’ve read Lacan. I think I love you.

        I was going more for Keirkegaard’s sense of the impossibility of desiring and having a thing simultaneously, but l’objet petit is a much better example of the phenomenon, especially as it relates to jouissance.

        So Lacan in “On Feminine Sexuality” saying “Jouissance – jouissance of the Other’s body- remains a question, because the answer it may constitute is not necessary. We can take this further still: it is not a sufficient answer either, because love demands love. It never stops demanding it (ne cesse pas). It demands it encore… “Encore” is the proper name of the gap (faille) in the Other from which the demand for love stems.” and that (I think?) is what l’objet petit a provides: not an insurmountable paradox as Kierkegaard would have it but an infinite building of desire and enjoyment past what one can bear. It’s confusing, and just as impossible not to want as it is to define.

  11. Breaking… honestly, not my favorite term as it sparks images of the military form of “breaking”. But I can say I notice two distinct states that my boy gets in when we let loose in play.

    The first is what I consider his “subspace”. It’s kind of a dreamy, semi-detached (or fully detached) state that I equate more to the endorphins rush. His resistance to what I’m doing diminishes greatly and allows me to take the intensity to a level he normally can’t handle. Harder hits, longer teases, rougher peggings, etc. But as soon as play stops, he comes back around to his normal self.

    The second is what I would equate to what I think BDSM people refer to as “breaking”. There are times when we play, that what I say, what I do seem to reach him at such a deeper level that it causes almost a hyper focus on me. In those moments he will not just take what I’m dishing out, he will literally beg me to do these things. Things like his soft limits, hard limits and everything else just disappear. All that’s left is me and my desires, my will. It’s in these moments I find he is so open that I can create small shifts in his thought process and desires.

    I don’t have to “DO” anything afterwards to put him back together though. The normal reassurances and aftercare seem to suffice to allow him to pick himself up. If I do nothing more, he operates at a higher level of devotion then the norm for a couple of days, but will slowly revert back to his “normal” state. On the other hand, I find that after a play session that gets that intense is the perfect time to make a shift in the way we operate. He’s more susceptible to accepting a new rule, considering “alternatives”, or changing routines. I often wonder if we had the time to “create” these moments more often, if I could utterly recondition him entirely (not that I would really want to)

    • Thank you so much for the comments, Maggie! This is great information and I really appreciate hearing from people with experience and knowledge that I don’t yet have.

  12. Wow, such captivating conversation! I’m an “older” male, new to websites such as these, new to exploring the concepts of D/s and B/D. Never realized until I’d read some of your posts what a latent desire I have to be “broken” by an aggressive Lady! I’ve always been in charge, but the temptation to relinquish control to a Powerful Woman, to please Her as She wishes and deserves, not merely as I THINK she wants but as She DEMANDS . . . the thought leaves me breathless and aroused to the point of agony!

    • I’m an “older” male, new to websites such as these, new to exploring the concepts of D/s and B/D.

      Well hello there, Tommy. :) Welcome to the kinky side… we have cookies (and floggers!).

      I’ve always been in charge, but the temptation to relinquish control to a Powerful Woman [. . .]

      Of course, all dominant women are different, but I actually prefer a man who is aggressive, commanding, and ‘in charge’ in his vanilla/daily life. The idea of breaking a strong, proud man is much more appealing to me than the thought of ‘breaking’ a weak man who is willing to roll over and kneel down to the first woman who comes along. Of course, the combination of my will to break and his will to give in is just fucking delightful… :)

      Thanks for the comment, Tommy. Don’t be a stranger. ;)

      • Appreciate your response. Somehow I don’t think “Dumb Domme” sums You up very well. I don’t see You as the slightest bit “dumb”! I’ve pretty well given up, though, on finding a Domme to serve and please. First, I’m quite choosy about with whom I’d associate, so that nixes most I’ve had any contact with. If they are not intelligent enough to communicate coherently I’m not interested! Second, I’m older, so even though I’m in great shape physically and still a sharp professional, most aren’t interested in me, unless they are play-for-pay types, which of course do not interest me. So I expect my desires will sadly remain latent.

        tommy

        • Somehow I don’t think “Dumb Domme” sums You up very well. I don’t see You as the slightest bit “dumb”!

          Thank you for saying so, but I certainly have my moments!

          I’ve pretty well given up, though, on finding a Domme to serve and please. First, I’m quite choosy about with whom I’d associate, so that nixes most I’ve had any contact with. If they are not intelligent enough to communicate coherently I’m not interested! Second, I’m older, so even though I’m in great shape physically and still a sharp professional, most aren’t interested in me, unless they are play-for-pay types, which of course do not interest me. So I expect my desires will sadly remain latent.

          I can certainly understand most of this (I get being choosy, demanding intelligence, and not wanting to pay for it). As for your desires remaining latent, I wouldn’t give up so easily. I realize none of the vapid platitudes about “looking for love” help, but they’re all applicable. :) I wasn’t looking for a sub (or partner, or sex, or anything) when I found my boy — he just sort of happened. Of course, you don’t have to look for a Domme, but I hope you’ll keep your heart open to one if she should randomly “happen” to you, too. :)

  13. To me breaking in a submissive means getting him to yield to your desires as opposed to his own. This is essential if the Domme is to have complete and total control of the submissive. Thus if the submissive doesn’t normally perform in a way and after training he does than he is moving in the direction of being broken in. After he does everything the Domme desires and no longer exerts his own will he may be considered broken in.

    • To me breaking in a submissive means…

      I may be in a minority here, but I think of “breaking in” and “breaking” very differently. In a new relationship, both partners “break each other in” — I think of that as the sort of getting to know you and figuring out how to do this thing together.

      But in response to what you wrote…

      getting him to yield to your desires as opposed to his own

      If he’s submissive, then he should already yield to my desires rather than pursue his own. Otherwise, he’s not submissive.

      This is essential if the Domme is to have complete and total control of the submissive

      I’m not even sure what this means. What is “complete and total control”?

      Thus if the submissive doesn’t normally perform in a way and after training he does than he is moving in the direction of being broken in.

      Nothing against you and the MANY people who hold similar views, but I really fucking hate this notion. If my submissive is an adult (and not a puppy or a child), and if I say “do this thing,” he has a choice to either do the thing or not do the thing. What about that requires training?

      Anyway, nothing against you — we’re all entitled to our views. I just get sick of what I interpret as a reductive porn-o-fied version of D/s relationships.

 Leave a Reply