Mar 172013
 

I’m out of town and out of my element. Work has me on a multi-city tour that spans two coasts and a few points in between. In my absence, I’ll leave you with some travel tips I learned during this first leg of my journey.


  1. Do pack a vibrator. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself making bedroom eyes at your electric toothbrush.
  2. Do check TSA guidelines before you pack. TSA allows liquid medications in excess of 3.4 oz, but unfortunately, vodka isn’t considered medication.
  3. Do not order sushi at an airport restaurant in a landlocked state.
  4. Do not politely offer to assist an elderly woman with stowing her large bag in the overhead bin. When the overhead bin starts leaking mid-flight, she will blame you for breaking her snowglobe.
  5. Do give up your aisle seat so that a family can sit together. Do not expect good karma in return.
  6. Do smile and introduce yourself when you are seated next to an ginormous woman. While it’s no fun to be seated next to (okay, partially underneath) a large woman, it’s no fun for her either. Smile and make the best of it.
  7. When the large woman smiles and introduces herself as “Karma,” do not respond with “You’re fucking kidding me, right?”

 

  10 Responses to “Dumb Domme’s Travel Tips”

  1. So did the TSA guys check out your vibratior?

    Mick

    • Actually, I didn’t bring a vibrator. Instead, I’ve been having terrible thoughts about my toothbrush, and lately, I find I’m curiously turned on by brushing my teeth. While there’s little hope to relieve my frustration, my teeth have never been healthier. :)

      My travel tips have all been gleaned from first hand experience, but strategically, I didn’t indicate which of them I did and which I didn’t do.

      P.S., Don’t ask about the airport sushi. It’s not something I want to discuss. :)

  2. You forgot the all-important: remove batteries from vibrator when packing it. Otherwise the TSA will definitely want to check why your bag looks so happy!

    Much blushing will ensue when you try to explain what the batteried device is used for. They always pretend not to “get it” the first time around.

    • @Nina,

      You forgot the all-important: remove batteries from vibrator when packing it. Otherwise the TSA will definitely want to check why your bag looks so happy!

      Yes! An excellent tip! Unfortunately, I didn’t bring my vibrator, so it wasn’t something I had to explain (boo, and yay!). You know, with my attitude, I think I’d actually enjoy having a little fun with whoever was unfortunate enough to ask me about what my vibrator was for.

      Last time I traveled, I got the full pat down experience and I found it endlessly amusing to moan softly and make little excited noises whenever the agent got near my special parts. I wasn’t so loud as to be unbelievable, but I was loud enough to make her uncomfortable. It was the quickest pat down ever!

      I know, it was awful of me. It’s her job and I’m sure she doesn’t enjoy having to pat down total strangers… I didn’t enjoy it either, but it was good fun pretending that I did!

  3. I feel like traveling with you would be fun, something about the joy of shared misanthropy and the craving for raw fish even when logic decrees that it can not possibly be fresh enough to eat.

    Hope you get home soon and safe.

    • I feel like traveling with you would be fun

      You are correct! I’m actually great fun to travel with — I’m always entertaining… whether I intend to be or not. :)

      Hope you get home soon and safe.

      Thanks, Peroxide. :)

  4. so. much. win.

    i lol’d. i lol’d often. and to echo sentiments above… traveling with you would be a hoot!

    safe travels! keep avoiding land-locked sushi!

    • Thanks, Wish! It’s when I’m not trying to be entertaining that things get unintentionally hilarious. Of course, I can see that in hindsight!

      keep avoiding land-locked sushi!

      But… but… what about the oysters in midwest? Those might be okay… right? :)

  5. Very funny! And a good tip about electric toothbrushes. I’m sure it’d do in a pinch. ;)

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