I’m out of town and out of my element. Work has me on a multi-city tour that spans two coasts and a few points in between. In my absence, I’ll leave you with some travel tips I learned during this first leg of my journey.
- Do pack a vibrator. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself making bedroom eyes at your electric toothbrush.
- Do check TSA guidelines before you pack. TSA allows liquid medications in excess of 3.4 oz, but unfortunately, vodka isn’t considered medication.
- Do not order sushi at an airport restaurant in a landlocked state.
- Do not politely offer to assist an elderly woman with stowing her large bag in the overhead bin. When the overhead bin starts leaking mid-flight, she will blame you for breaking her snowglobe.
- Do give up your aisle seat so that a family can sit together. Do not expect good karma in return.
- Do smile and introduce yourself when you are seated next to an ginormous woman. While it’s no fun to be seated next to (okay, partially underneath) a large woman, it’s no fun for her either. Smile and make the best of it.
- When the large woman smiles and introduces herself as “Karma,” do not respond with “You’re fucking kidding me, right?”