While I was out of town, J and I had a pretty heated email exchange (e-fight!).
I did tell him that I’ve been working something that might help — it’s a new system to clarify my expectations of him in a few different areas. It’s not finished yet, but here’s a preview: it has guidelines, examples, quotas, and an “alert system,” all built in to one color coded spreadsheet. Romantic, right!? :)
J picked me up at the airport on Thursday evening and took off work on Friday to spend the night. I was exhausted, we missed each other, and neither one of us wanted to talk about difficult stuff. So, we didn’t. :)
After work on Friday, we talked about it for a little while. We both got a bit sad, but we weren’t angry anymore. Nothing is resolved yet, but I think solutions are on the horizon (spreadsheets!). If not solutions, at least we’re trying something proactive rather than sitting around waiting for the relationship to fall apart.
Talking about it any more wasn’t going to do any good. Besides, dealing with relationship crap seems like a waste of time… time that could be better spent naked and tangled in the sheets.
So, we did that instead. :)
The sex was fucking incredible. In-fucking-credible. Fuckingincredible.
He made me… oh yes. He got me out of my head. :) Funny enough, he didn’t read my post while I was at work (not that I expected him to interpret it — it was just emo-spew that comes from my thinking too much and wanting to fuck). He was such a good boy. He didn’t ask for anything, except to please me. I guess the combination of incredible sweetness and our collective emotional bottoming out, well, I guess it worked for me.
While we didn’t learn anything about our relationship, we did learn quite a bit about what works for me in bed and what happens to me during and after
orgasm three orgasms.
Here’s what I learned last night:
- Rimming. Holy fuck. Wow. More on that another day.
- Apparently, I’m less inhibited and more likely to orgasm when I’m unhappy… I guess. (?) Or, maybe I just need to be distracted — unwanted emotions are distracting, after all. Or maybe I just need to get out of my head, or focus less on orgasm, or something. I have no fucking idea. All I know is this isn’t the first time a meh/angry/sad headspace led to orgasmic awesomeness. It’s slightly troubling, but I’m not going to give it too much thought (yeah right).
- When I have a “relaxed” orgasm (as opposed to the ones I have to “force” through a series of complicated and intense isometric muscle tensing exercises and monkey fapping) my whole body sort of vibrates, shakes, and bounces a little… kinda like a Bumble Ball.
- I am incapable of playing it cool after orgasm. I’d like to be able to play it cool if I wanted to — either soft, sexy, and romantic (“Oh darling, that was amazing…mmm…” *purr*) or a total ice queen (“That was adequate, boy. Get back down there and do better!”) But I can’t. What I feel is pure joy — for the physical pleasure, for the emotional connection, and for him (seriously!). He wants my orgasms so-fucking-much and it delights me when I’m able to give him one… I mean, when he is able to give one to me. Actually, I mean both. Sometimes I want them more for him than for me. Anyway, my orgasms… he deserves them, so when it happens, I’m anything but cool. Apparently, I express combination endorphine-rush-release-joy-delight through laughter. I laugh… a lot.
- I can’t repress joy, but I did manage to stop myself from giving J a high five. That means I’m cool, right?