Feb 022013
 

I’ve come to realize I can only ever tell you these things after you’re safely out of reach. If you were still in my reach and I let it all out, I’m afraid I’d tear you to pieces or swallow you whole. I want you that much.

You make me crazy — in the good way. But also in a way that scares me, in a way that makes me so fucking glad I love you as much as I do because otherwise, I’d destroy you.

You’re too willing and I want too much. I’d binge on your flesh and I still wouldn’t be satisfied because there’s no way having you could ever come close to the magnitude of wanting you. It’s not possible. However much I get, I always want more.

Wanting you is simultaneously the most satisfying and most frustrating thing I’ve ever experienced… and I fucking love it.

You’re mine, boy.  I won’t let you forget it.

 

  17 Responses to “you’re too willing; I want too much”

  1. I intensely know the feeling, ‘you’re too willing and I want too much”. Lovely description of loving emotions.

  2. I read these posts by you and I miss it so much.

    “You’re too willing and I want too much”

    I remember the incredible feeling of realising with my last that *he would let me kill him if I wanted*. He would invite it and welcome it and glory in it. It scared us both. So. Fucking. HOT!

    I know that doesn’t sound hot or romantic to most people, but I think you will get it.

    If not, I just sound like a crazed serial killer…

    Ferns

    • “I know that doesn’t sound hot or romantic to most people, but I think you will get it.”

      I do get it. :) I think the best kind of love and romance is a little frightening — fear of wanting, loving, losing, and destroying mean there’s that much more investment.

      “If not, I just sound like a crazed serial killer…”

      I’ve thought about this on more than once occasion when I’ve said something to J or written something for him and thought, Gee, I hope I didn’t just scare the fuck out of him! But other times, I hope I do. :)

  3. D and Ferns

    For what it is worth, I believe that I get exactly what you are talking about from the other side of the slash. I guess that I am lucky in that Mistress will not devour me.

  4. I’m so in awe of you right now for being able to say this knowing he’ll read it. That kind of desire makes me afraid of myself, afraid for him, afraid of scaring him off, afraid that he should be scared off. Admitting it would mean opening up more than I know how. It’s beautiful to see.

    • Thank you, GingerNic. Sometimes I feel braver than I really am. :)

      “that kind of desire makes me afraid of myself, afraid for him, afraid of scaring him off, afraid that he should be scared off.”

      It is a scary thing. To me, admitting the feelings exist, admitting the emotions and worries are frightening, goes a long way towards being more comfortable with them. They seem a lot more frightening to me when I deny their existence.

      “Admitting it would mean opening up more than I know how.”

      I hear you on this one. Inasmuch as admitting those thoughts exist, saying them out loud or committing them to paper feels vulnerable. After they’re out there, I can’t deny them or take them back.

      So far, it’s been worth it. :)

  5. “You’re mine, boy. I won’t let you forget it.”

    This, right here, is like magic to me. Some of my most favorite words ever!

  6. I read your posts, I nod and I smile. I say, “YES! That’s it!” Every fucking time. I usually say it out loud, which puts people around me on edge. But not nearly as much as when I shout, “Get out of my head!”

  7. Not just this post, but your blog turns the concept of dominance into something real, instead of a scary concept. That give me the courage to admit to and examine my own budding ‘not quite what mom told me about’ desires.

    Thank you, please keep writing, and all good wishes to you and J.
    - Cara

    • Hello Cara! Thank you so much for the kind words!

      “your blog turns the concept of dominance into something real, instead of a scary concept.”

      I’m glad! But, with that said, it’s okay for dominance to be scary! It doesn’t feel so great, but acknowledging that new emotions, new wants, and new experiences are a little frightening is a heck of a lot better than pretending those feelings don’t exist, or worse, denying your desires because the fear is too much or too uncomfortable.

      It is scary sometimes… and that’s okay. :) New things are scary, but sometimes, they’re worth it. :)

      “please keep writing, and all good wishes to you and J.”

      Thank you for the well wishes! And don’t worry, I plan to keep writing until I have nothing left to say. At this rate, that means I’ll be able to quit writing twenty years after I’m dead! :)

      Best to you,
      D

  8. I wanted to let you know that I nominated you for a Very Inspiring Blogger Award on my blog! Go there to find the rules for it!

    • Thank you so much, Cassaundra! I’m in the middle of a flu-induced fog right now, but this message was welcome news! :)

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