In honor of the stealth ninja flu that has me fevered and damn-near delirious, a collection of stupid things I’ve said over the past few months that only sound like they were uttered in the midst of a fever-induced delirium.
If you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to freezing, sweating, and shaking. Fuck the flu!
- No. I don’t want to fill out your tech support customer satisfaction survey because “fuck your mother” isn’t one of the multiple choice options.
- Gay, Bi, or Straight? Fuck no! I’m a ninja!
- It’s a lot of trial, error, and flinging bananas.
- The National Dog Show would be 100 times better with sound effects.
- I’m drunk and ranting about pumpkins. Also, I’m drunk.
- I see where this is going. I’m going to end up sticking a hot pepper in my eye and live-tweeting the whole fucking thing, aren’t I?