Jan 012013
 

Have you ever wanted someone so much you couldn’t distinguish between love and obsession?

Has someone’s presence ever filled your head so completely there was no room for other thoughts?

Has anyone ever made you so hungry you wanted to consume them?

Have you ever felt so possessive of someone you wished you could lock them up and make them depend on you for their every need?

Have you ever loved someone so much you wanted to destroy them?

(But also loved them enough that you couldn’t? Loved them enough that you’re forced to keep on wanting… wanting so much it hurts… )

 

No… of course not. Me neither. That would be a bit sick and twisted, right?

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  26 Responses to “have you ever?”

  1. So YES to this! And I think it’s incredibly, unutterably sweet and romantic!!

    Ferns

  2. Yes to the first two, no with a caveat to the next three: I’ve wanted to be the one devoured (although I couldn’t have put it in those terms at the time)

    • @Neo: I still have trouble putting it all into words. The words are dreadfully inadequate to describe the feelings.

  3. God, yes. I’ve tried, before, to put that feeling into words. It’s as though the language itself isn’t capable of being at once powerful and eloquent enough to convey it. Maybe any level of eloquence that elevates the feeling to the level I feel it deserves will necessarily be too distant from the visceral, predatory sense that would feel correct. Maybe the act of writing is just too civilized to contain it, or maybe (likely) it’s just one of those things we’re not supposed to talk about, such that we all feel unhealthily obsessed when it happens. Also maybe (definitely) this has become overexhausted rambling. So yes, I’ve wanted like that, and it’s frightening and sublime and so very hard to say.

    • @GingerNic: Yes! It is frightening, and perhaps that’s why I (attempt) to write it out. Writing helps me put this stuff into perspective and exorcise some of the stuff that probably shouldn’t be there.

      I guess it’s a way of making a predatory feeling not-quite-as-scary as it feels? Sometimes it works. Other times, not so much.

      • It’s actually weirdly comforting to see you write this and get such enthusiastic agreement so quickly. It makes it easier to realize (1) this is at least somewhat normal, (2) people can feel this way and still be capable normal, functional adults and (3) it is not going to cause the complete breakdown of society.

        • @GingerNic: Hadn’t thought of it that way! In some regards, writing helps me to separate the million-times-magnified emotion from “real-life.” Guess it does mean we can be relatively normal and functional… and society hasn’t broken down… yet.

          If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be over here, awaiting the breakdown — mine or society’s. :)

  4. Oh yes (to the top 3), it is how I feel right now and it scares him :-(

    • @Miss: Despite the frowny face, I’m hoping it scares him in the good way, as I hope the same of my own boy. Sometimes I wonder if I do scare him a little, especially now that everything on the blog is out in the open.

      • Sometimes in a good way. Sometimes in a bad way. At times I look at his face and he is hungry for all I have to give and all I want to take. And I know he will come back for one more, but one more will never be enough.

        • Wow, Miss. Your response is touchingly heartfelt, beautiful, and a little scary and sad. I guess that’s the case with most feelings and most relationships, though. The good typically comes with all of that other stuff that scares us, tests us, and makes us want to run away as fast as possible.

          Thanks for your comment — it’s really quite beautiful. :)

  5. Yes, yes, yes. Yes to every point. Such a perfect summary of how I feel right now. Thank you for finding the words that my body feels, my mind knows and that I have been able to find a way to express.

  6. Well, almost, except in my a case it was I didn’t care if I were consumed;
    I wanted to be locked up night and day and have been taken care of,
    and I felt so reckless I could care less if it destroyed me.
    .
    Then a particular gentleman told me that I was suffering from Sub-Frenzy II – the kind when you are no longer new to the “scene” and really know better, but it haunts your mind incessantly anyway.
    .
    I believe in this case it’s Domme Frenzy II.Please don’t forget to extinguish your candles, take out the trash or feed the cat. Thoughts like the ones you describe can make World War III and ordinary life seem almost trivial.

    • @Phare du Four: It’s good to know that submissives have parallel thoughts from the other side of the slash.

      “Then a particular gentleman told me that I was suffering from Sub-Frenzy II – the kind when you are no longer new to the “scene” and really know better, but it haunts your mind incessantly anyway. I believe in this case it’s Domme Frenzy II.”

      Interesting! I’m wondering what he/you consider the differences between the “first” frenzy and the second.

      In thinking about it a little, perhaps it’s that some of the novelty has worn off — not that it’s any less exciting, but that it’s exciting for very different reasons than a year ago. Before it was: “Weee! I can do this! How do I do this? I’m doing it anyway!!!” Now it’s more like: “I want to do this. I know how to do this…” and sometimes, “Should I do this?”

      It’s much more focused and specific, and for me, far more obsessed with the person and their reactions than with the actions that might encourage them. Instead of using a flogger and finding out what the reaction is, I’m more interested in the reaction I want and how best to pull it from him.

      Thanks for this — it’s definitely got me thinking.

      “Please don’t forget to extinguish your candles, take out the trash or feed the cat. Thoughts like the ones you describe can make World War III and ordinary life seem almost trivial.”

      Ha! True. Don’t worry — the candle are out, the trash is where is should be, and despite my better judgment, the cat has been fed. :)

      • Sub-Frenzy I: When you are new to D/s and discover how much you enjoy it, and you desperately want your Dom/me to take you on the Kama-Sutra tour in one afternoon.
        .
        Sub Frenzy II: When you discover that being a submissive transforms you into a magical being, because you have learned how much you can empower your Dom/me and it distracts you to the point where going down upon your knees becomes a religion.
        .
        Dom/me Frenzy I: When you are new to D/s and you find out how much fun it is when someone else will do pretty much anything you want them to in- and outside a bedroom, including giving it to you where and when you want, and even beg you for it, and love you un-conditionally for spanking them (not to mention say “Thank you”).
        .
        Dom/me Frenzy II: When you as a Master/Mistress becomes a slave to controlling pleasure. It becomes so intense you can barely control the urge to exercise control.
        .
        Or, as The Police wrote in “Wrapped Around Your Finger”:
        .
        You consider me the young apprentice / Caught between the Scylla and Charibdes.
        Hypnotized by you if I should linger / Staring at the ring around your finger.
        I have only come here seeking knowledge / Things they would not teach me of in college.
        I can see the destiny you sold / turned into a shining band of gold.
        ……
        Devil and the deep blue sea behind me / Vanish in the air you’ll never find me.
        I will turn your face to alabaster / Then you’ll find your servant is your master,
        .
        And you’ll be wrapped around my finger. I’ll be wrapped around your finger.
        You’ll be wrapped around my finger. I’ll be wrapped around your finger

        • I absolutely love this, Phare du Four — thank you for sharing it! It’s pretty accurate, at least from my perspective!

  7. in·sa·tia·ble (Adj.)
    (of an appetite or desire) Impossible to satisfy: “an insatiable hunger”.

    Because love is insatiate, voracious, greedy and unquenchable

  8. Yes to the first three for me. It was ridiculous how consumed I became, and how much of my life I rearranged. And still, it hasn’t diminished as much as I would like it too. It’s strange how my lust and love has such power over the other aspects of my life.

    • @Cammies: “It was ridiculous how consumed I became, and how much of my life I rearranged.”

      I guess that’s one of the tarnished silver linings for me in not living closer together — My day-to-day life isn’t all that different than it was before. I mean, aside from being able to procrastinate on my real work by writing a sex/relationship/etc. blog. :)

  9. Yes, I love her so much even her smell makes me grit my teeth and want more. Sometimes I have to bite her. Thoughts of her fill me head every day even after all these years. And I’m not the only one who has felt that way about someone. To quote one of my favorite books:

    “Oh, please don’t go—we’ll eat you up—we love you so!”

    ― Maurice Sendak, Where the Wild Things Are

    • @Roy: It’s lovely to hear that you feel that way about her even after so many years together. :)

      Also, I think that’s the first time that someone has ever responded to anything I’ve written with a quote from a children’s book. You deserve some sort of commenter award for that! :)

  10. Yesss, yessss, Yesss to feeling as though I want to be totally consumed & it scares me…

    • @b.r., having had the feeling of wanting to consume, I can say from experience that perhaps it should scare you… in the good way, of course.

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