Hey submissives… yeah, you. I’m talking to you.
If you’ve started talking to a Dom/me or if you’re “under consideration,” you have some work to do. You can’t just sit around being considered and waiting to be decided on. Consideration works both ways, so while you’re being considered, you need to do some considering too.
Consider your potential dominant at least as much as she/he considers you. Consider their experience and judgment, their ability and willingness to facilitate your safety, security, fulfillment, and overall happiness. Consider whether their personality, goals, and values match well with yours.
While you’re waiting for your potential dominant to decide whether or not your good enough for them, you need to decide whether your potential dominant is good enough for you.
Amazing submissives don’t grow on trees. A dominant can’t simply “get” an amazing submissive just because she or he wants one. To get one of those amazing submissives, a dominant should be ready and willing to prove that she/he is an equally amazing dominant. You wouldn’t submit to just anyone, would you? You want a great dominant, so you’re willing to prove your a great submissive. I want a great submissive, so I’m eager to prove I’m a great dominant.
(And this is where I make it all about me…)
Let’s say I’m your potential dominant. Hypothetically.
I want to see if you’re right for me, so yeah, I’m “considering” you. But I also want you to know how fucking amazing I am, and that means you have to consider me.
I want you to be damn sure you’re aware of just how fucking awesome I am because it’s important to me that you value and appreciate me. So, get to know me. Consider me. Decide that you want me because I’m fucking awesome.
If you don’t take the time to consider, if you don’t actively choose me, that means you either don’t know who I am or you don’t care. If you give trust me before I’ve earned it, or if you submit before I prove myself worthy of your submission, then your submission is something you’d give to anyone. If it’s something you’d give away easily or indiscriminately, then it isn’t worth much to you, and it certainly isn’t worth much to me.
So, you have work to do, dammit.
Ultimately, the dynamic is something both partners both have to figure out, negotiate, and agree to… together. The dominant doesn’t get to decide all by themselves, and the dominant shouldn’t HAVE to decide all by themselves. I don’t just want to choose you. I want to be chosen, and that means you have to choose me, too.