A while ago, a friend gave me some advice in regards to my inability to orgasm and feel dominant at the same time:
“Some dominants will do something toppy or sadistic to help them “reclaim” their headspace after orgasm. Being sadistic or demanding might help you take back your feeling of dominance and reinforce your sub’s feeling of submissiveness. For example, after you have an orgasm, you could try engaging in impact play or needle play (something hurty or stingy) to let him know who’s boss.”
In other words: 1) have orgasm, 2) beat sub, 3) profit… okay, maybe not “profit.”
I LOVE that advice. It’s good advice. (Of course, good advice is dependent on the people involved–I wouldn’t assume it’s good advice for everyone).
I tried that advice, or perhaps more accurately, I meant to try it. I meant to do something to help me reclaim my feelings of dominance and reinforce our positions after my orgasm. I had big plans for hurty, stingy, fun stuff, but… I just couldn’t get my head back into the game.
If recent experience is any indication, in the time immediately following orgasm, I have very little desire to “dominate” or otherwise reassert myself. In fact, making demands and hurting him is just about the furthest thing from my mind.
My theory is this: orgasm is my kryptonite.
After I have an orgasm, I don’t want to dominate him. I don’t want to stick pins in him or whack him with a paddle. After orgasm, I just want to curl up next to him and feel his arms around…
Fuck. Fucking fuck. Ok… I’m just going to say it… after orgasm, I want to cuddle.
It’s not as if I think cuddling is bad or weak or whatever, it’s just not something I do. I don’t even like the word “cuddle”–I can’t seem to type it without scowling at the computer screen. I mean, I do cuddle (FFS, isn’t there a better word for it than that?), but not after-orgasm-girl-cuddle. I mean, I’m typically the cuddle-r, not the cuddle-ee… I like *rawr* cuddling, but after orgasm, it feels like *mew* cuddling.
Oh for fuck’s sake. I’ve digressed from a discussion of orgasm to a discussion of cuddling…. and now I’m typing in feline. Kill me. *hiss*