My mother isn’t domestic and she’s never been much of a cook. But this year, for the first time in her adult life, she’s hosting a Thanksgiving dinner for her boyfriend and his family.
I’ve been emailing her my recipes and fielding her questions when she finds herself overwhelmed by the number of choices in the grocery store. I’m not sure she’s been in a proper grocery store in years.
Anyway, tonight she called with some question about turkey roasting times… and then this happened:
Mother: How do I know when the turkey is done? Does the pop up timer change colors or something?
Me: No, Mom. The pop up timer doesn’t change colors… it pops up. But you shouldn’t use it anyway–it’s not reliable. Use the meat thermometer. As long as it reads 160° at the breast and 180° at the leg, you’ll be fine.
Mother: What if I don’t catch it in time? What happens if I cook it too long?
Me: It will be dry, but at least you won’t kill anyone with food poisoning. If it’s dry, it’s dry. No big deal… everyone will fall asleep after eating anyway.
Mother: Oh, I heard about that on the news!… That additive in turkey that makes people sleepy.
Me: It’s not an additive. It’s natural. It’s called…. um… I can’t remember the name of it… I think it’s called….
Mother: … Rohypnol?
Me: … [silence]