Nov 092012
 

For your amusement (and for your information), I present the twenty-second installment in Dumb Domme’s BDSM Lexicon, “protocol.”

View all past entries here.


protocol,  n.,  /ˈproʊdəˌkɔl/ (IPA)   [proh-tuh-kawl] (spelled) 

Definition:

protocol, n.: in D/s contexts, protocol is a set rules (based on role) that govern an individual’s conduct.


Usage:

“I wasn’t able to get a hold of my boy to tell him I had invited a colleague home to dinner. When I opened the door, he was on his knees, buck naked, with a plug in his ass. Despite my explanation, my colleague wasn’t impressed by boy’s adherence to protocol.”

“We had dinner at La Soumise Obéissant the other night. When I returned from the ladies room and sat down, J dropped to his knees, crawled under the table, and started kissing my feet. I tried to play it off like he was looking for a dropped napkin, but I don’t think the other patrons bought it. After that, I decided including all of our rules in a 24/7 protocol was a bad idea.”


Explanation & Examples:

Establishment, practice, and enforcement of protocol is widely variant–individuals agree on protocol to govern behaviors, conduct, and actions within the context of their own relationship/s. Rules and guidelines that make up protocol can be numerous or few, formal or informal, stylized or basic, and may cover language, honorifics, grooming, rituals, chores, and general conduct. While protocol may be expected of individuals in both dominant and submissive roles, most often, the rules are established based on the dominant’s preferences and followed by the submissive.

Protocols may include daily household chores (such as cleaning or laundry), daily rituals (such as journaling or meditation), service activities (like tea service or massage), grooming (rules for attire or hairstyles), honorifics and language (calling the dominant “Ma’am” or making requests with specific language), and other behaviors and actions (such as posture, presentation, communication with others, etc.).

For example, a protocol for a particular D/s relationship may include a “presentation” ritual wherein the submissive is required to “present” himself to the dominant at the beginning of each day. According to the rules the couple has established, after the submissive is showered, shaved, and properly groomed according to the dominant’s preferences, he must present himself, kneeling and naked, at the dominant’s feet for inspection and approval.


Variations:

Low Protocol: Informal rules for behavior. Whenever you go to the kitchen, ask me if I want anything.

High Protocol: More formal rules and elaborate rituals. Every day, you must prepare and serve my tea. It should be prepared with exactly 1.3 grams of imported Japanese loose-leaf white tea leaves, and 4.5 ounces of distilled spring water. It should steep at 123 degrees Fahrenheit for 2 minutes and 37 seconds. Tea must be served on a silver platter, accompanied by 1 organic sugar cube and one Oreo cookie, at precisely 3 o’clock.

24/7 Protocol: Rules are followed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with no exceptions. I don’t care if your mother is visiting… I expect you to vacuum the house in your french maid’s uniform every day, whether she’s here or not.

Old Guard Protocol: Involves leather chaps, eye patches, and flags (or something like that). To earn your leathers, you must not make eye contact unless you are given permission, you must not speak unless you are asked a question, and you must walk at least a half step behind your dominant. 

Gorean Protocol: Bat-shit crazy rules based on a fuck ton of bat-shit crazy novels. As a Gorean slave, you must refer to yourself in the third person, always ask permission to speak, and never make eye contact with strangers.

femdom tea party

Femdom Tea Party
Tea Set (left) and Naugh-Tea (right) images via “Gallery” at Thrusti Kicki Grabbi


Does Dumb Domme Do Protocol?:

No. I have a few rules and things I like him to do as a habit, but I wouldn’t call it protocol. Perhaps someone else would, but I don’t. Protocol seems ritualistic to me and I’m not all that into ritual. The rules and requests I have are pretty practical… like, “make me a cocktail…”



Dumb Domme’s Cocktail Service Protocol:

From the kitchen, obtain all of the ingredients, implements, and plastic-ware necessary for correct mixing and proper service of Dumb Domme’s cocktail.

  • One plastic cup of the highest quality (available in the kitchen cabinet just above drawer reserved for out-of-date first class postage stamps, half-used batteries, and dull utility knives).
  • As much ice as the disobedient ice maker is willing to supply
  • One bottle of vodka of indeterminate quality
  • One bottle of the most sophisticated generic brand diet tonic water
  • One lemon (or lime) procured from the most elegant bodega on the most elegant corner. If fruit is unavailable, a plastic lemon will suffice.

First, coax the ice-maker into producing ice. You may resort to humiliation if necessary, i.e. “Yo mamma is a window-unit air conditioner,” to get the cup sufficiently filled to chill my drink.

Pour exactly 1 ounce of vodka over the ice (no more and no less!). Repeat as needed until the vodka reaches the halfway point of the cup. After the vodka has chilled for… fuck it. Just open the tonic. Then, clean up the mess that has leaked/sprayed out of the bottle over the countertop and onto the floor. (This step cannot be avoided. Opening the tonic slowly or sneaking up on it stealth-ninja-style will not help.)

After the mess is cleaned up, pour the tonic water over the vodka and ice until it reaches the top of the cup. Don’t bother stirring it — stirring is for pussies.

Secure any cutting board that isn’t marked “poultry,” and slice the lemon into wedges (bonus points for serving me a wedge that does not have the “lemon” sticker on it). DO NOT place the lemon wedge on the rim of the cup — I dislike having to remove lemon pulp from my nostrils after taking a sip.  I prefer the lemon thrown haphazardly into the cup (honestly, after a few of these, I won’t be able to tell if it’s a lemon wedge or a hunk of butternut squash).

My cocktail must be served within 2.5 seconds of my request…

…because I want my fucking drunk and I want it now (typo! I’m leaving it!).


works consulted:  Old Guard Protocols  A Modern Application of Old Guard Philosophy  Protocol for Gorean Slaves  Rituals and Protocols

  8 Responses to “BDSM Lexicon Entry #22: Protocol”

  1. Yeah… I want to make a clever comment, but I got nuthin’. Instead, I’ll just say thanks for this fantastic discussion on protocol!

  2. “Gorean Protocol: Bat-shit crazy rules based on a fuck ton of bat-shit crazy novels…”

    Halleluja and applause, roses and kisses to the Dumb Domme!

    I was afraid I was the only one in the world with this opinion, and was still trying to practice restraint and politeness, telling myself ‘Be considerate of peoples’ kink’.

    I find this hard to do this, though, when some Gorean Doms, such aus “Master” Alduras ( http://alduras.lakajira.com/ ), have propagated the notion that “men are the natural dominates”, and women… (cough)… umm… “dommes are only switches at best secretly searching for a real [male] Master to dominate them”. Somehow I have this strange feeling Gorean Doms and their New World Order have more in common with L. Ron Hubbard than they realise.

    • @Phare du Four:

      “I was afraid I was the only one in the world with this opinion, and was still trying to practice restraint and politeness, telling myself ‘Be considerate of peoples’ kink’.”

      You aren’t the only one. I can be polite about other people’s kink, but only to a point. I absolutely have no respect for any person who believes their kink applies to everyone else (like, the entire population of women) and functions on those premises. I have no respect in a sort of 24/7 dehumanizing objectification and subjugation of anyone (outside of role play and fun sexy times). I have no respect for any kink that allows it’s practitioner to think any one person (or a whole population of people) are lesser than any other.

      “Somehow I have this strange feeling Gorean Doms and their New World Order have more in common with L. Ron Hubbard than they realise.”

      Ha! Don’t let the Scientologists hear you, they might be offended by the association!

  3. Those ice makers tend to be such SAMs.

    • @Mitsu: “Those ice makers tend to be such SAMs.”

      No kidding. That bitch has been denying me ice for far too long. The only way I can think to punish it is by threatening it with replacement.

      Hear that, ice maker? I’m going to trade your ass in for a newer model! Don’t think I won’t…

  4. I wish I had something clever to add, but no, I have BUTTERNUT SQUASH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (No really. I’m still laughing about that.)

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