Oct 302012
 

“May I lay my head in your lap, Ma’am?”

As always, I suspected he wanted more of me than that.

He’s not without good intentions–his want helps maintain my headspace and keeps me running hot. But his intent–is it good for me, or him? By now, I’m more than well-acquainted with the blurry line that separates maintenance from manipulation.

I had used him hard, hurt him well, and he requested only kindness. And so, I acquiesced. With his head in my lap, he nuzzled close and seemed to settle in. I relaxed around him, admiring the lovely contrast of his flushed face on my ivory thighs.

In just moments, with the slightest shift, his warm breath was on my cunt and my suspicions were confirmed. He hadn’t curled into me simply to recover from being beaten, drained, and fucked. He had much more to give, but instead, he aimed to take.

With parted lips and a hungry mouth, he tasted my wetness and my wanting. I gave only momentary protest before I let him drown between my thighs. He lapped and lavished first, then found his rhythm and his pace. The rhythm wasn’t mine, but in that state, I’m too easily convinced his cadence is my own.

My arms went weak and I leaned back, but only on my elbows. I hadn’t given in yet, still poised to pull away. But, fuck, it felt so good. He felt good even as I remembered why I hated this–my stomach bare, my legs splayed–I was vulnerable and exposed. But he didn’t seem to notice as he tasted me and teased.

My legs twitched in spasm and I couldn’t manage to control them, nor him, but I wanted to. I wanted to hold on, to hold out, to have it my own way. I hate that I’m subject to my body and I hate that my body is subject to his.

I pushed back. I held his head between my palms and fucked against his face. I fought his rhythm, and I tried to find my own.

When pushing failed, I found I couldn’t pull away. His arms locked around my hips. He held firm, but gently–I hadn’t realized I was secured until I tried to move away. He held me to his mouth, picked up speed and pressure, and split me open with his tongue. It was wonderful and awful. The intrusion was too much and not enough, and all I wanted was…

“Stop!”

Instantly, he stopped. In his stillness and his silence, my sounds and movements filled the room. My moans were more like whimpers. What was left of me writhed beneath his grip.

Motionless, he waited, his lips still pressed against my cunt.

I collected myself, refocused, and looked to find his face. Past my own soft breasts, my stomach, and the roundness of my hips, I found him silent and unmoving. His eyes were stone and cool as ice–there was no sweetness in his stare.

In that moment, I remembered. I had seen those eyes, that look, that focus on his face. When we were new, on rare occasion, he stared with hungry eyes, intense and a little frightening. He looked like he was hunting, stalking, and I felt like I was prey.

His cold eyes warmed as we grew together, and the feeling faded from all but memory. Later, we both laughed when I explained my interpretation: “You looked like you were going to eat me.”

As I emerged from memory, the feeling was familiar. I was about to be devoured.

He waited for my word–one breathless, desperate “please…”

I gave in and he took over, ripping the orgasm from me.

It was mine, but he deserved it. He wanted it more than I.

To clarify, my “please” was a “please make me come.” J did not violate my consent.

More Erotica…

dressing domme 2

“Take off your clothes, fold them, and leave them there.” His clothes were off in less than sixty seconds. He stood naked in the hall, waiting for his next instruction… [read more]

good girl

When the house lights went down and the front lights went up, I wrapped my hand around her neck and tasted her. I was gentle, giving her a moment to open up to me… [read more]

dinner party

I worked the plug in and out and pumped his cock with my other hand. After a few moments, he arched his back and tried to fuck his cock up into my hand… [read more]

 

  8 Responses to “about to be devoured”

  1. For a number of posts in a row, I wonder why I follow your blog – your rants can really get on my nerves. Then you put together a post like this one and I fall in love with you all over again.

    • God didn’t put us on earth to entertain you. He did, however, give you a Back button on your browser.

      • @Lily: My guess is that he probably couldn’t hit the back button because his hands were otherwise occupied. That’s my theory. :)

    • @H.Wolfie: I’ve written at least half a dozen possible responses to your comment. They range from snarky, to sarcastic, to “fuck you.” I just can’t decide which one is best.

  2. First off, I think your rants are fabulous.

    Secondly, this post really got me thinking about the complicated way consent and power are wrapped up in BDSM. Normally it is assumed Dom/mes have all the power and thus the inherent ability to have their words obeyed, but clearly this isn’t always the case. Dom/mes can also have their boundaries crossed, and this fact shouldn’t be ignored or glossed over by the community.

    I don’t want to impose anything on this instance. I only hope that he listens to you and respects your (non)desires. Manipulation to give sexual acts sometimes is more serious than “is this violating our dynamic?”

    • @E

      “First off, I think your rants are fabulous. “

      Thank you.

      “Normally it is assumed Dom/mes have all the power and thus the inherent ability to have their words obeyed, but clearly this isn’t always the case. Dom/mes can also have their boundaries crossed, and this fact shouldn’t be ignored or glossed over by the community.”

      You’re right. The power a Domme has is dependent on the willingness of the submissive. Interesting point about Domme’s and crossing of their boundaries–I haven’t heard anything about this out in the community, but perhaps that’s because it doesn’t happen often (I hope–it shouldn’t happen to anyone. Ever.).

      “I don’t want to impose anything on this instance. I only hope that he listens to you and respects your (non)desires. Manipulation to give sexual acts sometimes is more serious than “is this violating our dynamic?””

      After I read your comment, I added a little edit to the bottom of the post to make it clear that J didn’t cross a boundary, and he did not violate my consent. My guess is that “please” left that open to interpretation, and I’m sorry for that.

      I don’t know how long you’ve been reading here, but I have a complicated relationship to receiving oral sex and J has a bit of an oral service fetish (can that be called a fetish?). A couple of months ago, I was curious about asking J to top me, kind of (only for the purposes of receiving oral sex, and perhaps that way, I could stop overthinking it). I never talked to him about it, but he does know about my sometimes-difficulty in receiving and he’s well-acquainted with the ways in which that interferes with my ability to reach orgasm. We haven’t really talked about what happened that night (I’m hesitant to discuss it with him for reasons I won’t get into now), but my best guess is that knowing my often-inability to enjoy attention without ruining it for myself, coupled with his great passion for oral service, he just took over for a minute. :)

      Anyway, I’m hoping to do an orgasm project update soon, where I’ll provide all of the self-centered, over-thought TMI that’s in my brain.

      Thanks for the comment, E. :)

      • I might hazard a guess that the reason why we don’t hear about the crossing of Dom/mes bodies is quite similiar to the reason why male sexual assault victims seldom come forward. The way a community constructs a body’s power/privilege affects the way the body can react. Dom/mes are constructed to be actors, affectors, and so the idea that their bodies can be acted upon is tough to be socially understood. (Thus those irritating taboos against Dom/mes receiving penetrative sex or giving blow jobs because it symbolically degrades their power). If Dom/mes don’t think their stories will be heard/validated, they are less likely to report.

        But hopefully this is just philosophical theorizing. It’s just something I think about a lot since I’m often the sub teaching my partners about BDSM in hopes they’ll be interested in exploring domination. ..preferrably with me! :) but I often worry that maybe I’m pushing them to be more Dom/mely than they really are. This is a different type of boundary crossing, but still important to recognize. Forcing someone to punch you could cause trauma to the new and potentially unwilling Dom/me. It’s still violating their agency, it might be violating their philosophy, it violates their bodies.

        I’ve actually been reading your blog for quite some time (thanks e-lust), and I have loved the orgasm project in particular. I really dislike receiving oral and I sometimes struggle with my orgasm, so a lot of it has hit home while challenging me.

        Pardon the rambling! I just really like your blog and the intellectual space it creates.

        • @E:

          “Dom/mes are constructed to be actors, affectors, and so the idea that their bodies can be acted upon is tough to be socially understood.”

          You’re 100% right on this–it’s why I bristle at the language of “real doms” and “true subs.” We’re all constructed–perpetually made and remade in the moment. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just the truth. But uunfortunately, that knowledge doesn’t make it any easier to act or speak sometimes.

          “but I often worry that maybe I’m pushing them to be more Dom/mely than they really are.”

          Yes… but! I have been (and often still am) in a similar situation with my sub. Sometimes he pushes. Sometimes that’s fine, as I need pushed a little to know what I’m doing is okay–I need the confirmation (validation?). Sometimes, it’s awful because I really want him to stop pushing. Unfortunately, (and perhaps because I’m always constructed in the moment,) I’m not always good at knowing the difference before it happens, and I’m even worse at communicating it.

          In that way, I often feel it’s difficult for me to negotiate my construction of dominance against the construction of dominance (perhaps a capital “D” Dominance). I’m still finding my place and still figuring it out (and of course, I always will be).

          No pardons needed for rambling! I enjoy the discussion. :)

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